Distasteful Jokes, let's have a laugh

Ok, so before you proceed, please know that the content of this thread may offend you if you are not able to find a sense of humor with even the most touchy topics, so consider this your disclaimer:

***If you do not like distasteful jokes or are easily offended, do not read any further***

Now that that's taken care of, I got bored one day and started searching the web and came across a selection of jokes that had me cringing yet still laughing uncontrollably at the same time. Marked simply "distasteful" these jokes poke at even the most personal, disgusting, and sometimes just down right wrong topics in the vilest of ways, but somehow they are so cleverly terrible, you just have to laugh. (at least I do, maybe that makes me a bad person, idk).

Below I have posted a few of my own and invite you to post as well, let us all rejoice in our ability to take these jokes and remarks with a chuckle and please do not get offended, if you do then apparently you did not read the opening disclaimer. This is not a thread to get offended, flame at each other, or any other act of the sort, please do not feel afraid to post your own distasteful jokes as hopefully other members will respect your posts, have the decency to refrain from getting angry with your material, and hopefully have a good laugh themselves as that is the point of this post.

PS: to any mod that is reading this, if I am in violation of any rule, Please let me know and I will amend this thread, I am not trying to provoke anyone only to have a little fun with the sythe community, I read through the rules and did not find anything pertaining to this post so as far as I know its perfectly acceptable. If this is not the case, please inform me and I will fix it immediately, thanks guys!


So here's the jokes, if I read some of yours and they are truly hilarious I will post them in this list as well so that future readers can see the compiled list and also not say jokes that have already been stated, enjoy!!



What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
I cry when I cut up onions.

My girlfriend ended up with two black-eyes last night.
I can't believe she fell for the old boot polish on the binoculars trick.

What's the best thing about pedophiles?
they never speed past schools

What did the leper say to the hooker?
keep the tip.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
gang rape.

Why did the baby cross the road?
someone moved the dumpster.

What's the best part about fucking twenty four year olds?
there's 20 of them.

How many babies does it take to paint a room?
depends on how hard you throw them

Why can't women drive?
There's no road in the kitchen.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should already be opened when she brings it to you.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a new sports car?
I don't have a new sports car in my garage.

 

What did the leper say to the hooker?

keep the tip

 

The 2nd one was funny xD

 

HAHAHA, ok "hey guys", that was funny, adding it to the list, keep em coming guys, don't let your morals get in the way!!

 

Whats the difference between a little girl and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

 

haha, pretty good one but I have a feeling this thread will get quite a few small children raping jokes (wow that sounded so terrible when i read it in my mind as i typed), so I will wait and see if more funnier ones arise, if they do not then I will add yours to the list. keep em coming! i mite add some more ina sec.

 

They were pretty funny keep them coming

 

What's black and blue and hates sex?
The ten year old in my trunk.


Whats the best thing about fucking twentyfour year olds?
theres 20 of them.

 

My girlfriend ended up with two black-eyes last night.

I can't believe she fell for the old boot polish on the binoculars trick.

 

Girls always say that they are called sluts when they sleep around, but when guys sleep around they are called legendary.

When a key opens a lot of locks, its considered a master key
When a lock has been opened up by a lot of keys, its a shitty lock.

 

I jerked over a blind girl yesterday.

She never saw me coming.

 

One good thing about pedophiles is that they never speed past schools

 

JackGeddes, your a sick individual! nah im kidding, good ones will add them

Yoghurt, that was hilarious, its making the list

SimpleMerchant...........they were funny but not really distasteful, so they won't make the list at the top but still thanks for the laugh! lol


Keep Em Coming!!

 

Why can't women drive?
There's no road in the kitchen.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should already be opened when she brings it to you.

 

Yay4Spamforum Material.

moved.

 

let the trolling begin

 

noodles

 

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a new sports car?

I don't have a new sports car in my garage.

 

Good ones guys, and Karl, ty for move if it was needed, just looked through the off topic section and alot of those posts seem spammy but still fun/informative so figured it could remain there, but if it needs to be moved, guess thats fine.

 

A black guy, a jew, and a mexican walk into a bar, the bartender says, "get the fuck out".