I am just going to start typing and see where my thoughts go. So I struggle with a lot of self esteem issues most of them honestly probably stemming from my child hood and the struggles that I had growing up. I have had depression and anxiety most of my life. Right now It seems to be greater then normal. I have a lot of what I like to call the what ifs. What if I just walked in front of a car. What if I just went to sleep and didn't wake up. Just to BE CLEAR I am not suicidal at all they are just brief thoughts that occasionally happen and they go away and I move on. I am sure that some of it has to do with COVID and not being able to go anywhere and honestly I probably shouldn't be venting on an online forum but that's just how I am feeling it's like a weight of bricks that are laying on my back and I can't seem to get rid of them.