paulofthearctic
Newcomer
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2012
- Sythe Gold
- 0
- Messages
- 13
Depressed like everyone else apparently
I've got nothing to lose by posting on here so why the fuck not.
Okay I'm gonna just tell it like a story.(I live in the uk btw)
I came from a fairly wealthy middle class family, I was raised in private schools throughout my entire childhood. Before I began schooling I went to nursery and met a guy named tommy who has for the duration of my life been my best friend. After nursery I went to a fairly posh private school (shirt tie blazer etc)
Whilst I was there I got into major trouble frequently for stupid things, once for refusing to pick up bibs after a sports lesson, and another time for saying "your mum doesn't pay your fees so you can act like such a prick" to a kid whos mum had died a few weeks prior ( in my defence the kid was a wanker snitch who invited everyone in the year apart from me to his bar-mitzvah and I never talked to him so I didn't know). The gist of it is me and my parents decided I'd probably be expelled if I stayed on for years 9 onwards so we looked for an alternative school and found a liberal boarding school (no uniform 1st name terms with the teachers)
I joined in year 9 and for the 1st two terms I was miserable. I was different to the other people there and the few people I got on with werent boarders like I was. I had a roommate for 3 days from when I joined till he left my room to share with someone else. After the 2nd term I began to settle in, I made a few friends and I had a habit of every lunch going into the local village shop to buy sweets and then walking back to school. I was happy and doing well with my studies consistant A's.
Anyways when I began year 10 it went much the same as the end of year 9, then midway through just as we began mocks I began to smoke. smoking was agains the school rules and was frowned upon by the friends I had made (we were a nerdy bunch). I started spending every break and lunch break in our school woods or the village park smoking. At this point I was still happy but that all changed soon. Towards the end of the year I had begun smoking weed aswell and because the people I genuinely had a friendship with dissapproved of that I saw them less and less and began hanging around with 4 people I regret ever meeting CALLUM, MAX, ED, ROLAND.
On the last day of the spring term in year 10 at 11pm at nIght max and ed the two boarders of the 4 came into the room saying they were going to go out for a joint and for some ketamine. I went with them and was enjoying myself alot till another boarder called us saying our housemaster knew we were out smoking. They got expelled. Max because he'd been caught before and ed because he had 2oz and a few grams of K on him, I was suspended and placed on a schedule of urine tests.
I stopped smoking weed for the rest of year 10 and was miserable but coped. When year 11 came however things spiralled out of control for me. I researched urine tests and found that it was low risk for me to take powders, so that's what I did. First ketamine then mmc then MDMA crystals then pills then LSD and white powder opium. I continued using these almost daily (not every type in one day but one of them a day) the whole time I hung out exclusively with Callum and Roland. On the weekends I would stay at their houses and they would take advantage of the fact that my parents gave me too much money. In the end they "borrowed" over £500 and whenever I needed to borrow even the tiniest amount they were "broke". They took advantage whenever they could and I was stupid enough to let them, I was a pushover and what's worse is they had a habit of stealing phones and laptops from the school locker rooms. I spent all my time with them and everyone else hated us.
When I begun sixth form (year 12) they had left and I had fallen into a depression and strong addiction to both cocaine and crack (I know crack is just a freebase version but anyone who's had both knows how different they are) I was still in a boarding house and everybody else just seemed so fucking happy, they all sat with friends for lunch breakfast and dinner they were always talking and smiling and I was jealous. I spent all my time alone and nobody tried to talk to me, our house had a social event every thursday night and it was always depressing for me to see all of the happy faces and comments over Facebook about how fun it was. a few weeks in I tried to hang myself but the fan blade was not strong enough and it quickly snapped. 2 weeks later I bought some pills and a bottle of JD and tried drinking myself to death, clearly I failed.
After that I left the school. (amazed at how suddenly when I'm leaving everyone gives a shit about me)
Joined a local school and I'm a bit happier than I was before, but I still didn't have any real friends but the guy I mentioned called tommy, but he had a girlfriend and cared more about spending time with her than me.
I stopped taking powders a while ago and moved back to just smoking weed, I did my a levels and moved to university without going to a single
Person from my schools house and without even the slightest hint of a girlfriend.
I have been diagnosed with severe depression (whoop-dee-fucking-doo)
And bipolar disorder.
Anyways I'm at university now and I'm thinking to myself that if the past 4 years of my life are all there is to it then I'm not sure if I want to go on for much longer.
Im sure a great part of it is my own fault but now that you have my entire (or at least most of it) background lets see what the scythe community has to say
I've got nothing to lose by posting on here so why the fuck not.
Okay I'm gonna just tell it like a story.(I live in the uk btw)
I came from a fairly wealthy middle class family, I was raised in private schools throughout my entire childhood. Before I began schooling I went to nursery and met a guy named tommy who has for the duration of my life been my best friend. After nursery I went to a fairly posh private school (shirt tie blazer etc)
Whilst I was there I got into major trouble frequently for stupid things, once for refusing to pick up bibs after a sports lesson, and another time for saying "your mum doesn't pay your fees so you can act like such a prick" to a kid whos mum had died a few weeks prior ( in my defence the kid was a wanker snitch who invited everyone in the year apart from me to his bar-mitzvah and I never talked to him so I didn't know). The gist of it is me and my parents decided I'd probably be expelled if I stayed on for years 9 onwards so we looked for an alternative school and found a liberal boarding school (no uniform 1st name terms with the teachers)
I joined in year 9 and for the 1st two terms I was miserable. I was different to the other people there and the few people I got on with werent boarders like I was. I had a roommate for 3 days from when I joined till he left my room to share with someone else. After the 2nd term I began to settle in, I made a few friends and I had a habit of every lunch going into the local village shop to buy sweets and then walking back to school. I was happy and doing well with my studies consistant A's.
Anyways when I began year 10 it went much the same as the end of year 9, then midway through just as we began mocks I began to smoke. smoking was agains the school rules and was frowned upon by the friends I had made (we were a nerdy bunch). I started spending every break and lunch break in our school woods or the village park smoking. At this point I was still happy but that all changed soon. Towards the end of the year I had begun smoking weed aswell and because the people I genuinely had a friendship with dissapproved of that I saw them less and less and began hanging around with 4 people I regret ever meeting CALLUM, MAX, ED, ROLAND.
On the last day of the spring term in year 10 at 11pm at nIght max and ed the two boarders of the 4 came into the room saying they were going to go out for a joint and for some ketamine. I went with them and was enjoying myself alot till another boarder called us saying our housemaster knew we were out smoking. They got expelled. Max because he'd been caught before and ed because he had 2oz and a few grams of K on him, I was suspended and placed on a schedule of urine tests.
I stopped smoking weed for the rest of year 10 and was miserable but coped. When year 11 came however things spiralled out of control for me. I researched urine tests and found that it was low risk for me to take powders, so that's what I did. First ketamine then mmc then MDMA crystals then pills then LSD and white powder opium. I continued using these almost daily (not every type in one day but one of them a day) the whole time I hung out exclusively with Callum and Roland. On the weekends I would stay at their houses and they would take advantage of the fact that my parents gave me too much money. In the end they "borrowed" over £500 and whenever I needed to borrow even the tiniest amount they were "broke". They took advantage whenever they could and I was stupid enough to let them, I was a pushover and what's worse is they had a habit of stealing phones and laptops from the school locker rooms. I spent all my time with them and everyone else hated us.
When I begun sixth form (year 12) they had left and I had fallen into a depression and strong addiction to both cocaine and crack (I know crack is just a freebase version but anyone who's had both knows how different they are) I was still in a boarding house and everybody else just seemed so fucking happy, they all sat with friends for lunch breakfast and dinner they were always talking and smiling and I was jealous. I spent all my time alone and nobody tried to talk to me, our house had a social event every thursday night and it was always depressing for me to see all of the happy faces and comments over Facebook about how fun it was. a few weeks in I tried to hang myself but the fan blade was not strong enough and it quickly snapped. 2 weeks later I bought some pills and a bottle of JD and tried drinking myself to death, clearly I failed.
After that I left the school. (amazed at how suddenly when I'm leaving everyone gives a shit about me)
Joined a local school and I'm a bit happier than I was before, but I still didn't have any real friends but the guy I mentioned called tommy, but he had a girlfriend and cared more about spending time with her than me.
I stopped taking powders a while ago and moved back to just smoking weed, I did my a levels and moved to university without going to a single
Person from my schools house and without even the slightest hint of a girlfriend.
I have been diagnosed with severe depression (whoop-dee-fucking-doo)
And bipolar disorder.
Anyways I'm at university now and I'm thinking to myself that if the past 4 years of my life are all there is to it then I'm not sure if I want to go on for much longer.
Im sure a great part of it is my own fault but now that you have my entire (or at least most of it) background lets see what the scythe community has to say
