Breaking up

[Superfluous]

My first girlfriend, one of of 3 years and 3 months, broke up with me last night, albeit amicably. Essentially she realized that her life isn't going to take her along the same path mine is taking me, and she gave up trying to pretend that it was worth trying to work out, which I agree with and realized four months ago. Also, increasingly in the past year, we've come to the conclusion that we disagree about lots of things that she finds important and I don't really care about... tl;dr, she went to study abroad for 6 months and came back a completely different person. We both live in the same five-person apartment (we're in our last semester at college), and we're still talking and everything, but she's noticeably icier towards me today than yesterday, though I guess that's what breakups are all about. Personally, I'm doing okay; this gives me a lot more time to myself, which I like having, and keeps me from occasional social obligations which I prefer not having to deal with, but it does cost me a close friend (though I guess we're still friends?) and someone to talk to. I'm not really looking for advice as I don't really have a question but just thought I'd post something in case someone has suggestions about anything.

 

[iCody34]

Honestly, the whole being friend thing after a break up either ends up back together or bad. I don't personally like it because there is too much emotion in the "friendship" now that it makes it weird or awkward.

 

[sourceOfGreatness]

I agree with cody. You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis.*I had one at 16 and I got one now. But after 3 strikes thats it

 

[Tyler]

I agree with cody. You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis.*I had one at 16 and I got one now. But after 3 strikes thats it

uhm.





Anyways best of luck super, You'll obviously have a sort of void or empty space in your life make sure to fill it with something productive.

 

[penman2k7]

Yeah, being friends does not work. You have to cut that person out completely. It's gonna be awkward too if you have mutual friends, my advice would be is spend time with those friends that you want to keep or be prepared to lose them to her.

 

It's hard to stay friendly after a break up, give yourself the time you need to grow apart before you rekindle a friendship though. Otherwise it can suck a lot and you accidently slip back in to how things were before. It can work, you just need to be mature to be able to make it work.

I know you don't feel so down about it right now but it will probably hit you later on. Just stay positive and know it was for the better, and that you'll meet someone new who will be just as in tune with what's important to you. On Skype if you ever need a chat~

 

[Carbon]

That was your first girlfriend, usually your first few girlfriends are for experience. You, having your first girlfriend for over three years is incredible though, and you've most likely learned a lot about how a relationship works now. It's also good that you two remained friends/acquaintances rather than her breaking up with you and never wanting to talk to you again.

 

[Superfluous]

Thanks guys.

I agree with cody. You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin' right now. You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis.*I had one at 16 and I got one now. But after 3 strikes thats it

What the actual fuck lol

 

Having a super serious first girlfriend can be devastating, I know from experience. I dated my first girlfriend for around two years and it was really hard when things ended between us. So many first experiences that you'll automatically attribute to that person.

Just remember time makes this kind of stuff better. Sounds horrible now but in a month or two you'll feel a lot better. Later this year you'll not even care it happened.

 

[sourceOfGreatness]

Lmaoo its an honest quote from a bronx tale lmao it makes sense in my eyes honestly.

 

[tazmanian pka]

1) Staying friends ends up in two ways. You either get back together, or one of you ends up getting led on and then ultimately hurt. More than often someone is going to be led on and then hurt.

2) It's gonna kill for a while. You're gonna be lonely, and even though you're excited to have all this "me time", you're going to miss the time you spent with her.

3) Honestly, it sounds like she made a rash decision. The fact that she went away for 6 months and came back as a completely different person makes me believe that she's probably thinking something opened her eyes and there's so much more in life; but she'll regret thinking this when everything doesn't turn out the way she believes it will.

I can't give too much advice because I'm not sure if you think you want her back or if you want to move on.

If you just want to move on; act as if the breakup on no affect on you in anyway. Find hobbies such as sythe I suppose to help you pass time. (Maybe even go traveling? Would be an awesome experience.)

 

[tazmanian pka]

And I'm not saying to hide your feelings, I'm basically saying that don't let the breakup affect you too much. Try your best to get through it and think of it as an experience that will benefit you one day.

 

[whaatitdo]

If someone needs space, just give it. Trust me, being in a relationship when someone isn't ready comes back to bite everyone.

 

[Superfluous]

Not trying to be a dick or something, but do you not have friends irl you can come forth to? The hell you asking a bunch of random people on the internet for, anyways, hope it all works out in the end op.

I'm not emotionally distraught or anything. I posted this thread looking for advice. Other people have been through similar situations and might be able to offer constructive comments.

 

Damn dude. I'm sorry thats rough. I actually had almost the same thing with my gf in highschool/beginning of college go to study abroad and we broke up soon after she left so I can relate to this. There's not really too much advice people can give you to make a breakup less shitty, it sort of just fixes itself over time. As long as you believe in that you'll be fine

 

I've actually been in the same exact position as you, All you can really do is move on. To be honest going back to her isn't going to be a great idea because I doubt she's going to change how she feels, you're just going to hurt yourself more and more when you think about her. Let me know if you need someone to vent too, I'd love to chat about it!

 

[Logic]

My advice: Move on and don't look back. I don't even see how you could stay "friends" if you disagreed on so many things (as you said). To me friends are mostly people who you have shared opinions and ideals.

Have fun with your free time and good luck finding that special someone

 

[Superfluous]

My advice: Move on and don't look back. I don't even see how you could stay "friends" if you disagreed on so many things (as you said). To me friends are mostly people who you have shared opinions and ideals.

Have fun with your free time and good luck finding that special someone

We share an apartment, so yeah, hard to be anything but lol. And thanks!

 

[ROUGE TEARZ]

Bro 3 years and 3 months of a relationship thats insane! Usually girls dating or wanting to date you will ask subtle questions like that. Once they find out that was your relationship length it will only help you because they know you commit.

Keep your head up ^.^

Staying friends is always a no go in the past for me. It will only hurt you once you see them with someone else

 

[sith kid]

My first girlfriend, one of of 3 years and 3 months, broke up with me last night, albeit amicably. Essentially she realized that her life isn't going to take her along the same path mine is taking me, and she gave up trying to pretend that it was worth trying to work out, which I agree with and realized four months ago. Also, increasingly in the past year, we've come to the conclusion that we disagree about lots of things that she finds important and I don't really care about... tl;dr, she went to study abroad for 6 months and came back a completely different person. We both live in the same five-person apartment (we're in our last semester at college), and we're still talking and everything, but she's noticeably icier towards me today than yesterday, though I guess that's what breakups are all about. Personally, I'm doing okay; this gives me a lot more time to myself, which I like having, and keeps me from occasional social obligations which I prefer not having to deal with, but it does cost me a close friend (though I guess we're still friends?) and someone to talk to. I'm not really looking for advice as I don't really have a question but just thought I'd post something in case someone has suggestions about anything.

Based on my experience, you can't really remain friends with an ex unless the breakup was mutual. Unfortunately, it hardly ever is.

The single piece of advice I would give to somebody in your situation would be to accept what has happened and come to terms with the reality of things. It may take some time and it will not be pleasant. But it's the only way forward.

Shoot me a PM if you need to. Even though I don't know you, I understand the situation you're in better than most.