Personal Support Topic

New version of this thread: http://www.sythe.org/showthread.php?t=402405
This topic is meant for people to post on about any problems they have in life they would like some help/insight on, and for others to try to help them. This thread is to be taken seriously and maturely, anything inappropriate will be taken extremely seriously. If you have a question you don't feel comfortable asking someone in real life, or need someone who will just listen to what you have to say, this thread is for you.

 

Well, I've been having trouble with my social life. I really haven't been trying to get out of the friend zone with the <5 friends that are girls that I have, but what I've been having trouble doing is even getting INTO the friend zone with new girls. A lot of girls at school are cute and/or don't want anything to do with me.

No, I do not:
1. Smell bad.
2. Look "ugly"
3. Seem too confident
4. Seem too desperate

I just need more friends in general, and I've never really had a social life. Not sure if Sythe can help me there :/

 

If they don't want to date your, or to be friends with you (I was having trouble discerning what you meant by 'getting into the friend zone') then don't pursue them. If they don't want your time, they don't deserve it.

Go places with the friends you have - if they don't go places, then go places alone and talk to others from your school there.

That's just my personal input. I used to not be too social, but I did exactly what I just typed and I have many friends now.

 

Offer them money to be your friend
On a more serious note, just strike up a conversation from something, and see if you have anything in common. I know where I live alot of people tend to judge me on what they hear and thus don't speak to me, but once they get to know me it's a different story. Just find an excuse to speak with them and let your personality do the talking.

 

I need some opinions on what I should do...

Basically, I've been seeing a few girls at the same time as I like to keep my options open. Recently I found out that 3 of them want to get with me, but theres 1 that I like more than any of the others.
I really wanna be with the 1 I like, but then that means I either have to tell the others I don't like them enough for a relationship, or just let them find out themselves which either way hurts them.
I don't want to tell them, as I really don't want to hurt any of them, but i I got together with the 1 I like, they will eventually find out and be just as hurt. Upto now I've just tried to avoid the 1 I like as much as possible because I can't bring myself to get with her and hurt the others.
What do I dooooooooo?

Please don't post and say anything like I shouldn't have several partners at once, because I don't. I'm not in a relationship with any of them, therefore it is absolutely fine for me to see more than 1.

 

You dont need a bunch of friends, just a small amount of good friends

 

Truth. Just have a group of like 5-6 friends that are good-natured and it will be all good.

 

I'll give this a go. Basically there's this girl I met a few months ago who I've been getting quite close to lately. Shes a few years younger than me. She has a boyfriend who she seems to have mixed feelings about. She always says she loves him, but she also always complains how he can make her feel insignificant. She has made him aware of these things but he doesn't seem to stop. She is extremely beautiful and has a great personality, and if that didn't make it completely obvious, yes, I do have feelings for her. Her current boyfriend really does take her for granted, when she treats him with the amount of love that I'm sure any guy would expect from a relationship. I know she can do better than him, but she doesn't realize it. Shes always saying how much he could do better than her, when really hes just a douche bag. Lately I've been the person she turns to when she needs someone to talk to, and really I have no problem with that. I'm just afraid that when the inevitable happens (them finally breaking up), I'm just going to get friendzone'd (Man's worst nightmare). Obviously I'm going to give her some time to cool down before even thinking about asking her out, but I feel selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with her when she probably really needs me as a friend, and I'll probably be crushed if I actually do get friendzone'd. I really do just want her to be happy. Idk, I just needed to vent I guess.

 

At the ones who want more friends: do a sport that people your age do. That way, even if you're a little weird, or shy or whatever you'll form a friendship with them because you now play a role in their athletic success and theyll be able to relate you to something they enjoy. Also if you're good at it, it's kind of free confidence and respect.

At people wanting to get out of the "friend zone"... Not sure what to tell you... If there's a girl I'm friends with that I want to mess around with or go out with I usually just make it obvious and it works out..

 

well i'll post my problems here and hope someone can give me some tips.

I don't have the motivation to do anything anymore. I find myself not caring about anyone or anything at all. I've gotten kinda chubby over the past couple months because i can't find the motivation to work out. I don't have a girlfriend because i just gave up on trying to get one. I don't have a job because i lack the motivation to go and get one. I honestly do not care how my life turns out anymore and i don't care whether or not im alive. I have the same routine everyday because i lack the motivation to do otherwise. I wake up, go to school, get home, go on the computer and stare at the same sites all day, then go to sleep. My parents yell at me all day to go do something but i can't because i don't want to do anything. I just don't know how i can get out of this "slump". This time last year i was playing soccer all the time on a team, i was in a great relationship and my life was awesome. I just need something that will give me motivation again because i hate living like this. Thanks for reading i will really appreciate it if you can at least try to help me
-Evan

 

I've had days like that too, but if it goes on THAT long i think its a problem. If you want motivation try going for a goal.
ex. asking that cute girl out.
problem: "body" u can go work out thinking about how your going to impress her. When i started weight lifting a month ago i was nothing. You just need to work at it a bit. belive me, not to brag, but i have like 10 girls who like me. (on a side note, one of them almost 'accidentally' grabbed my junk today. 0.0!)

it can be different stuff to, anything u want to do. learn gutair, build a working catapult, (wth, were did i get that?) or anything you think would be fun. you could hang out with friends + try the things they like.... no drugs. lol. i guess thats all i got atm. gl

 

What happened to the relationship?

 

After a couple months i just couldn't stand her, every little thing she did annoyed me. I started fights with her for no reason and i dont know why. I decided she deserved better then me so i broke up with her and now im where im at today.

 

Why is it so hard for me to talk to people, like I just have horrible social skills. I just moved to New York, and it turns out I have 5 months to work before community college starts. So when I work I obviously need talking skills to get a job and to meet new people since my mom is not going to be with me nor is my brother.

 

You don't have that bad social skills from what I've seen, but people's social skills are generally worse irl than the internet, which in fact is a huge contributor to social failure.

 

If/when she breaks up with her boyfriend, she'll most likely realize that you were there for her everyday when she needed someone to talk to. So if you do decide to ask her out, she'll see that you were there for her when she needed someone, and most likely say yes.

Also, you shouldn't feel selfish, as I'm sure you had those feelings for her before she was dating her boyfriend.

Sorry if none of the above makes sense, I'm tired so I can't put sentences together really atm.

Go for the one that you like the most. Since you aren't dating any of them right now I'm sure the other 2 will understand. Tell them that you still want to be friends, but you've found someone incredible.

 

it is absolutely HILARIOUS how people think this works in real life like it does on tv. HILARIOUS.

 

^Girls tend to go out with dicks also.

 

I too was previously in a long relationship, it lasted a year and I loved the girl alot. I had gotten into a routine of waking up, seeing her, going on the computer then sleeping everyday. Once we broke up, I felt lost. I couldn't do this routine I was so used to, I didn't know what to do. I also found myself just laying round the house all day, going on the computer for hours on end, not feeling like I had a reason to live. I eventually got past this just thanks to friends. I just chilled with them, nothing special. Few drinks now and then, few nights out, bit of banter etc and it really helped. I also suffer from laziness and a lack of motivation, but I find a way to keep on going. All you need is something to use your time on, for example a new girl to care for. You need a challenge. Personally I find getting a new girl to be the feel feeling possible, and the 'getting to know each other stage' is great andmakes you feel you have a reason to be alive.

I wouldn;t know what to suggest here, I would say tell her how you feel as that may open her eyes and make her realise she wants to be with you, but it could backfire and completely screw your relationship with her and make future conversations awkward. Your not a selfish person, seeing and speaking to somebody regularly tends to make feelings for them grow stronger. If it goes on much longer like this, I would advise you to make the make or break decision and explain how you feel, or forget the possibility of being with her.

Social skills in my opinion depend on confidence. It's easy to speak to peopl over the internet because you don't know them nor will you ever see them, so you don't need to worry about anything you say. I used to be very quiet and tend not to socialise much, I had a group of friends and that was basically all I would speak t instead of trying to make new friends. Over the past few years I have done things such as began college, took courses in football coaching etc which have forced me to communicate with others, and realise that they aren't waiting for the opportunity to criticise what I say, but they are just looking to socialise. Try confience building methods, then I would advise maybe going for a drink with a group of people, as once the alcohol flows speaking becomes easier. Once you have socialised a little, it gets easier and easier until your confidence is high and you will speak to anybody.

 

Worked for me. :\