A Girl Dilemma

[Visual3volution]

It's been awhile since my last post on Sythe, but here goes:

Long story short about who this is about: I dated this girl in high school senior year, who I had been very good friends with since sophomore year, and we kind of fell for each other until I fucked up (how I did is not important). So we haven't talked since senior year ended in about June 2012.

So here's where I arrive at the problem: Her and I started talking again (just as friends; kind of) and I did hear about her getting proposed to by her ex-boyfriend (before me). As things seem, she is still engaged to him (Facebook, etc.) (Keep in mind, her "fiancee" lives in Colorado and not in Texas as we do.) A couple days ago we went to the movies to hangout after work with a couple other co-workers. Her and I engaged in a smoking session with marijuana before we went to go get our tickets for the movie. When we were watching the movie, I noticed she wasn't sitting how she normally sits; (I know her QUITE well to know) with one hand in her lap and the other next to my seat as if she wanted to hold hands. I wasn't sure if I were to grab her hand that it would be "not right" considering that she is engaged. Instead, I decided to rest my head on her shoulder for most of the movie. I could tell she didn't mind that at all. While we watched the movie, our co-worker offered us some "eggnog" with some strong alcohol or something. I only took a big gulp, while she took 3 or 4. After the movie was over, she was tipsy but not drunk. She decided to chill out a little before she would drive (I just thought of the fact that I was completely fine to drive, but then again she doesn't like me to drive her car). Anyways, we just hung out in her car for about 3 hours. During those three hours, she asked me why I was so far from her. She cuddled and tickled me, which I find is very flirtatious. I know she wasn't under the influence enough to do such things. Then, I started noticing she would look at my eyes and then down at my lips. I didn't want to say anything, but I've been working on my confidence a lot lately so I finally got the guts to say to her, "If you want to kiss me, then go ahead." She replied with, "How do I know you don't want to kiss me?" We ended up kissing, and then making out shortly after that.

To make this a little shorter than what I think it will be, she's basically wanting to rekindle our friendship (or even our relationship). She's wanting to make plans to go camping pretty soon and camping out in my car. As I type this all, she's texting me telling me to "come here" as in go over to her house. I can't as I have an alarm on my house, and my parents are nosey. But anyways, I'm so confused on what to do. I have no idea what is going on! Please help! And I know it is a lot to read.

 

I'd go on the camping trip, see where things go. If she tries or hints to take it further then you should tell her to clear things up with her fiance before anything happens. Last thing you want is a complicated love triangle.

 

[Cabbage]

If you feel like she is a girl that you really enjoy the company of, why not give it another go? Just be careful and keep in mind at all times she does have a fiancee. All in all, just be smart on how you do it. And if he does come to Texas and finds you with her, just lie a little and say you didn't even know.

 

[Visual3volution]

It's been 11 days since I posted this thread, and I'm back with a little report:

So her and I never went on the camping trip. She invited me to another movie of which she was inviting others to come along. No one decided to come to the movies so we went with just her and I. Her and I talked about our feelings towards one another, and it made me feel a lot better. Our talk definitely clarified things between us two.

She said she wanted to see how things are between her and her fiancee before she even considered trying anything between her and I. As of now, she's in Colorado with her fiancee.

I follow her on Tumblr (social networking website for blogging, etc.) and she posted recently on her blog (from Colorado), "I don’t think anyone can understand how I feel right now.
I just want to stand on the highway and wait for someone to hit me.
I can’t even eat."

This posting leads me to believe something has come up between the two of them, and they decided to end things between the two of them. This is just my belief, so I will not jump to any conclusion. I'm not hoping they did or did not. I'm just hoping that she be happy with whatever happens. That's all I've ever wanted for her, and that's what she's always deserved.

 

Sounds like she needs you to be there for her right now Talk to her and see how she is.

 

[Promethium91]

I think you're doing all the right things to be honest. Just keep at it. I think that's really all we can say.

 

[Integrate]

If I was you, first of all she needs to put an end to her current relatinship. Explain her this. Make her feel like you respect her and that you arent the man that likes getting involved in other relationships. She will definetely feel secure with you after you tell her this, she will feel like you really want and will take care of her.

Other than that, I would say to go with the flow but it is a must that you both talk about her current relationship.

 

[szskateman22]

If I was you, first of all she needs to put an end to her current relatinship. Explain her this. Make her feel like you respect her and that you arent the man that likes getting involved in other relationships. She will definetely feel secure with you after you tell her this, she will feel like you really want and will take care of her.

Other than that, I would say to go with the flow but it is a must that you both talk about her current relationship.

Ummm... You never tell a girl that she's in the "wrong relationship"... Doing so allows her the chance to think about what he does right, as well as why you MIGHT be the wrong one. HOWEVER, you can explain to her that you're concerned for her well-being, make sure she's alright, etc.

From what it looks like OP, you have learned some IOIs and confidence building. You MIGHT want to try the straw man technique if you really feel like YOU want her. But in the same respect, you may just want to sit back and sort of watch and be there to catch her as she falls... Play hero?

 

[Visual3volution]

I was wrong. She never had left to Colorado. She was planning on it, but something happened with her plane ticket. It got messed up or something was wrong with it.

She had made that blog post I mentioned in my last post because her fiancee told her that he was done. He told her that he was tired of the bullshit; tired of disappointment. He also told her to leave him alone and not talk to him. She told me she's confused. This guy, Matt (who is good friends with her fiancee) said that they are still together but she says it doesn't feel like it. She said they had broken up, but she still questions how they are still together.

I'm just thinking of letting this one play itself out. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Promethium91]

If you want a relationship with this girl, it sounds like you're doing the right thing, but something about this is setting off alarm bells to me.

Tired of disappointment? If I were you I would find out what happened with their relationship - no point in getting into one if she's going to repeat her mistakes with you.

 

[Visual3volution]

If you want a relationship with this girl, it sounds like you're doing the right thing, but something about this is setting off alarm bells to me.

Tired of disappointment? If I were you I would find out what happened with their relationship - no point in getting into one if she's going to repeat her mistakes with you.

I'm considering not even going through with anything with her. I've been over-thinking this all, and I'm not sure if I'm into the idea of being in a relationship with her again. I'll have to post again soon after I've thought more about this situation, and after I've talked to her again. Until then, Sythe..

 

[Promethium91]

I'm considering not even going through with anything with her. I've been over-thinking this all, and I'm not sure if I'm into the idea of being in a relationship with her again. I'll have to post again soon after I've thought more about this situation, and after I've talked to her again. Until then, Sythe..

It's a good call. Otherwise it sounds kind of like walking into a hurricane.

 

[Visual3volution]

I've decided to not even talk to her anymore. Something tells me that they'll end up getting married one day. I don't want to talk to her, and give her the chance to give me hope and then let it all go.

If she finds it necessary to talk to me again, then she will. But for now, I'll leave her alone.

 

It's great that you've kind of just moved on, dude. Well done
Just remember you'll always find someone new and interesting that will catch your eye. So be positive and remember (prepare yourself for cheesy yet so true line) there are plenty more fish in the sea.

 

[Visual3volution]

It's great that you've kind of just moved on, dude. Well done
Just remember you'll always find someone new and interesting that will catch your eye. So be positive and remember (prepare yourself for cheesy yet so true line) there are plenty more fish in the sea.

But shoop, she was my fucking ocean!

Ha, I'm kidding.

On a serious note, I'm avoiding her at all costs. She follows me on a few networking websites, but I don't ever message her or anything. I see that if she really wants to try with me again, she'll tell me or even make some sort of conversation with me.

On to the next!