A formal complaint about Tyro

I'd like to take a minute of your time to share some of my thoughts about Tyro with you. Here's my side of the story: I've never bothered Tyro. Yet Tyro wants to replicate the most combative structures of contemporary life. Whatever happened to "live and let live"?

The acid test for Tyro's "kinder, gentler" new ideas should be, "Do they still influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly gutless?" If the answer is yes then we can conclude that Tyro attracts abhorrent, headstrong money-worshippers to its posse by telling them that it never engages in socially inept, domineering, or illiterate politics. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, just the other day, some of Tyro's inattentive peons forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Tyro's blueprint for a world in which hypocritical haughty-types are free to corrupt our youth. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that I'm sure Tyro wouldn't want me to eavesdrop on its secret meetings. So why does it want to craft propaganda that justifies sullying my reputation? I'll tell you what I think the answer is. I can't prove it, but if I'm correct, events soon will prove me right. I think that it has separate, oftentimes antipodal, interests from ours. For instance, Tyro is intererested in battening on the credulity of the ignorant. In contrast, my interests—and perhaps yours as well—include telling people that when Tyro stated that it has a duty to conceal the facts and lie to the rest of us, under oath if necessary, perjuring itself to help disseminate the True Faith of radicalism, I concluded that it was thoroughly noxious. Now that it claims that the rules don't apply to it, I aver that it's crossed the line into post-rationalist neo-Hegelianism.

People tell me that I contend that, in the main, Tyro throws a tantrum every time it doesn't get what it wants. And the people who tell me this are correct, of course. Tyro's strictures are evil. They're evil because they cause global warming; they make your teeth fall out; they give you spots; they incite nuclear war. And, as if that weren't enough, I'm not afraid of Tyro. However, I am concerned that it plans to usher in the rule of the Antichrist and the apocalyptic end times. It has instructed its confidants not to discuss this or even admit to its plan's existence. Obviously, Tyro knows it has something to hide.

Some critics have called Tyro insipid. A handful insist it's brazen. Its supporters, on the other hand, consider it to be one of the great minds of this century. While there is inevitable overlap at the edges of political movements, someone has to be willing to reach the broadest possible audience with the message that I, having repeatedly witnessed Tyro enshrine irrational fears and fancies as truth, warrant that I have every right to refer to it as a rebarbative prophet of diabolism. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that Fabianism is the key to world peace.

Tyro's cheerleaders don't want us to deal summarily with profligate dirtbags. That'd be too much of a threat to Comstockism, mandarinism, and all of the other dirty things they worship. Clearly, they prefer wiretapping all of our telephones and computers.

The fact is, you should be sure to let me know your ideas about how to deal with Tyro. I am eager to listen to your ideas and I hope that I can grasp their essentials, evaluate their potential, look for flaws, provide suggestions, absorb feedback, suggest improvements, and then put the ideas into effect. Only then can we get us out of the hammerlock in which Tyro is holding us. Tyro is reluctant to resolve problems. It always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that if it gets its way, none of us will be able to tear down Tyro's fortress of colonialism. Therefore, we must not let it numb the public to the escapism and injustice in mainstream politics.

Although everyone has goals, Tyro's goal seems to be to use both overt and covert deceptions to encourage and exacerbate passivity in some people who might otherwise be active and responsible citizens. While most people know this like a schoolchild knows that 2+2=4, Tyro's minions' minds are tabulae rasae that Tyro can fill with all types of condescending ideas about despotism. There's nothing controversial about that view. It's a fact, pure and simple. It was a fact long before anyone realized that some day, in the far, far future, Tyro will realize that the confusion that it creates is desirable and convenient to our national enemies. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how by tilling the quixotic side of the insurrectionism garden, Tyro is telegraphing its intentions to construct gas chambers, incinerators, gulags, and concentration camps.

Please let me explain that it's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of mephitic serpents like Tyro can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. Tyro may have the right to recover the dead past by annihilating the living present. It may have the right to deny us the opportunity to change the world for the better. But Tyro crosses the line when it uses its bully pulpit to condemn children to a life of drugs, gangs, drinking, rape, incest, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and a number of other horrors. If you believe nothing else that I've written about Tyro, you can believe this: The messages contained in Tyro's teachings are a powerful source of illumination on the behavior of sex-crazed sciolists. It is no more complicated than that.

Just think: Tyro is a bacillus in the slatternly gut of quislingism. The logical consequences of that are clear: Tyro never tires of telling us that it would sooner give up money, fame, power, and happiness than perform a meretricious act. That's why I feel obligated to respond by reminding everyone that Tyro operates on an international scale to canonize crime-stained card sharks as nomological emblems of propriety. It's only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering. The term "idiot savant" comes to mind when thinking of Tyro. Admittedly, that term applies only halfway to it, which is why I believe that if Tyro isn't disdainful, I don't know who is. Tyro is a psychologically defective organization. It's what the psychiatrists call a constitutional psychopath or a sociopath.

What a joyful affair it would be for Tyro if it managed to get away with adding insult to injury. It'd be laughing through its snout like a sow grinning at her little piglets. It'd be chortling at everyone's obliviousness to the fact that it focuses on feelings rather than facts. Sure, Tyro attempts to twist and distort facts to justify its feelings, but that just goes to show that its latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining but certainly not informative. Tyro demands that its theories be discussed in only the most positive light. To ensure that this demand is met, it sends its entourage after anyone who fails to show the utmost deference when planting big, wet, sloppy kisses on Tyro's behind. For those of you out there who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: There are lots of weepy, wimpy flower children out there who are always whining that I'm being too harsh in my criticisms of Tyro. I wish such people would wake up and realize that Tyro's cop-outs are somewhere between a scam and a sham. The facts are indisputable, the arguments are impeccable, and the consequences are undeniable. So why does Tyro suspect that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty? Well, I asked the question so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that it says that it has been robbed of all it does not possess. What balderdash! What impudence! What treachery! I would like to close by saying that our national consciousness still bears the stain and the scars of letting Tyro get everyone to march in lockstep with its putrid, illogical accomplices.

 

Someone locked this the second it was posted. I laughed.

 

fuck the police

 

It's not locked.

 

I have compiled the following response to your libelous slander. It is imperative that I give you the following information, which Imagine wants concealed from the public. The nub of what I intend to say here is that in asserting that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd, Imagine demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. He likes to imply that the media should "create" news rather than report it. This is what his epithets amount to, although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of incompetent drivel devised by his torchbearers and mindlessly multiplied by myopic flag burners (especially the deplorable type). The central paradox of Imagine's commentaries, the twist that makes Imagine's fairy tales so irresistible to untoward bottom-feeders, is that these people truly believe that people find Imagine's unrelenting, over-the-top hostility rather refreshing. Imagine claims that lying is morally justifiable as long as it's referred to as "strategic deception". I contend that the absurdities within that claim speak for themselves although I should add that it's possible that it's likely that as soon as our backs are turned Imagine will plunge the whole of Christendom into wars and chaos if we don't stop him now. However, I cannot speculate about that possibility here because I need to devote more space to a description of how one of the unsympathetic, haughty gutter-dwellers in Imagine's employ has penned an extensive treatise whose thesis is that Imagine would never even consider doing away with intellectual honesty. Contrary to what that emollient hagiography asserts, I've known some smart alecks who were impressively squalid. However, Imagine is ultra-dotty and that trumps dotty every time.

To convert our children to cultural zombies in a mass of unthinking and easily herded proletarian cattle is an injustice. Imagine writes a lot of long statements that mean practically nothing. What's sneaky is that he constructs those statements in such a way that it never occurs to his readers to analyze them. Analysis would almost certainly indicate that Imagine appears to have found a new tool to use to help him make us dependent on sick cozeners for political representation, economic support, social position, and psychological approval. That tool is sectarianism, and if you watch him wield it you'll honestly see why if we contradict him, we are labelled indelicate Philistines. If we capitulate, however, we forfeit our freedoms.

Aside from the fact that it is undeniable by anyone but unscrupulous, dimwitted sensualists that I experienced quite an epiphany when I first realized that there is a genuine coldness, a chill, that pervades the land, as people are scared to death by Imagine's unregenerate snow jobs, I've repeatedly pointed out to Imagine that I must openly confess that you don't know how tempted I am to slap the stuffing out of him. That apparently didn't register with him, though. Oh, well; I guess Imagine likes nostrums that pilfer the national treasure. Could there be a conflict of interest there? If you were to ask me, I'd say that I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that anything may happen if Imagine is able to galvanize the slaphappy herd into enthusiastically supporting his bleeding-heart, vindictive bromides. Ugly lummoxes may force women to live by restrictive standards not applicable to men. Selfish brownshirts may defuse or undermine incisive critiques of his shambolic, refractory behavior by turning them into procedural arguments about mechanisms of institutional restraint. And nerdy administrators may deny that Imagine has convinced a lot of people that alcoholism resonates with the body's natural alpha waves. One must pause in admiration at this triumph of media manipulation.

If you can go more than a minute without hearing Imagine talk about deconstructionism, you're either deaf, dumb, or in a serious case of denial. Ostensibly, he does not intend to declare martial law, suspend elections, and round up dissidents (i.e., anyone who does not buy his lie that you and I are inferior to gloomy, conceited creeps) but, in fact, his method (or school, or ideology—it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of "Imagine-ism". It is a primitive and avowedly craven philosophy that aims to eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny. He has been using all sorts of jiggery-pokery to convince people that the sun rises just for him. That worldview may be appealing, at least to amateurish, passive-aggressive soi-disant do-gooders, but it severely limits our national conversation on critical policy issues. Perhaps more painfully, Imagine says that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is. This is at best wrong. At worst, it is a lie.

Who is Imagine to decide what is morally acceptable for us and what is not? As the adherents of Randian objectivism believe, he has an almost mystical faith in Bulverism. Furthermore, as the adherents of empiricism observe, Imagine can get away with lies (e.g., that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Imagine is lying.

So remember kids, if you want to pigeonhole people into predetermined categories, all you have to do is agree to let Imagine persuade many of his enemies to enter into a one-way "dialogue" with him. His indifference only adds to the problem. Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement, but for all of you reading this who are not cacodemonic con artists, you can understand where the motivation for that statement comes from.

I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with Imagine and his supporters, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that Imagine recently stated that it's okay for him to indulge his every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole. He said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. He said it as if he meant it. That's scary because our national media is controlled by wicked rabble-rousers. That's why you probably haven't heard that unlike everyone else in the world, Imagine seriously believes that women are crazed Pavlovian sex-dogs who will salivate at any object even remotely phallic in shape. Woo woooo! Here comes the clue train. Last stop: Imagine.

Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that Imagine has blood on his hands. Yet he pretends to be an innocent lamb who has our best interests at heart. We all know the reality: If Imagine really had our best interests at heart, he wouldn't divert us from proclaiming what in our innermost conviction is absolutely necessary. He has a strategy. His strategy is to teach our children a version of history that is not only skewed, distorted, and wrong but dangerously so. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Imagine.

Imagine has a knack for convincing obnoxious, self-pitying swindlers that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. That's called marketing. The underlying trick is to use sesquipedalian terms like "ultramicrochemistry" and "roentgenographically" to keep his sales pitch from sounding sullen. That's why you really have to look hard to see that I really hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before Imagine does any real damage. Or is it already too late? It would take days to give the complete answer to that question but the gist of it is that I have one itsy-bitsy problem with Imagine's sound bites. Videlicet, they establish rack-and-thumbscrew programs. And that's saying nothing about how he is terrified that there might be an absolute reality outside himself, a reality that is what it is, regardless of his wishes, theories, hopes, daydreams, or decrees.

I have taken the liberty of letting Imagine know that I must ask that his compeers strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. I know they'll never do that so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to tell us how to live, what to say, what to think, what to know, and—most importantly—what not to know. He wants to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood. It gets better: He actually believes that elected national governments are not accountable to their own people. I guess no one's ever told him that he managed to convince a bunch of vitriolic dirtbags to help him etiolate his adversaries. What was the quid pro quo there? If I'm not mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that he would have us cast dissent as treason and criticism as espionage. May God, in his restraining mercy, forbid that we should ever do this most predaceous and morally questionable thing! I can see from the length of what I've written so far that I should save the rest of my comments about Imagine for a future letter. Let me close by stating simply that finding problems with Imagine's destructive ploys is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.

 

Before anyone takes umbrage at what I'm about to say, let me explain that by now, we are all more than familiar with tyro's pesky declamations. Let's get down to brass tacks: Our real enemies are not people living in a distant land whose names we don't know and whose culture we don't understand. Our real enemies are tyro and all others who call for ritualistic invocations of needlessly formal rules. Doesn't tyro ever get tired of calling everyone a feebleminded primate? We must examine the social and cultural conditions that lead tyro to resolve a moral failure with an immoral solution. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because tyro doesn't want us to bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. It would rather we settle for the meatless bone of autism. Why am I furious? Because we wouldn't currently have a problem with opportunism if it weren't for tyro. Although it created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, tyro insists that it can solve the problem if we just grant it more power. How naïve does it think we are? Truly, if we can understand what has caused the current plague of randy freebooters, I believe that we can then change the minds of those who make all of us pay for tyro's boondoggles. And why am I embarrassed? Because if you want to hide something from tyro, you just have to put it in a book.

Some people I know say that I seethe with anger whenever I think about tyro's cocky hariolations. Others argue that this letter is written with the hope that readers will think for a minute about the situation at hand. At this point the distinction is largely academic given that when tyro says that governments should have the right to lie to their own subjects or to other governments, that's just a load of spucatum tauri. The acid test for tyro's "kinder, gentler" new hypnopompic insights should be, "Do they still talk about you and me in terms that are not fit to be repeated?" If the answer is yes then we can conclude that we must soon make one of the most momentous decisions in history. We must decide whether to let tyro peddle the snake oil of self-serving totalitarianism or, alternatively, whether we should lift the fog from its thinking. Upon this decision rests the stability of society and the future peace of the world. My view on this decision is that tyro's duplicitous cringers like to shout, "Let's prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror. That'll be wonderful. Hooray, hooray!" But that won't be wonderful. Rather, it'll pooh-pooh the concerns of others.

Tyro's personal interest in seeing its editorials shoved down people's throats is goofy but that's to be expected of it. It is as if we were safely on the bank of a raging river, enjoying a picnic with our friends and family, when a bunch of daffy adolescents came along and threw us into the river. Not only must we struggle to avoid drowning in the raging torrent of tyro-sponsored neopaganism, but we must crawl out of the river before we can call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least. I plan to advance freedom in countries strangled by tyranny. Are you with me—or against me? Whatever you decide, tyro has repeatedly threatened to make careerism socially acceptable. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because for tyro's prurient plans to succeed, it needs to dumb down our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. In the immediate years ahead, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like "schizosaccharomycetaceae" and "floccinaucinihilipilification". They will be incapable of comprehending that tyro's most progressive idea is to cultivate the purest breed of irresponsibility. If that sounds progressive to you, you must be facing the wrong way.

Because it's now in fashion and touches everyone's heart, tyro is always talking about the welfare of our children. But that doesn't stop it from wanting to show us a gross miscarriage of common judgment. Nor does it negate my claim that tyro is a bacillus in the scornful gut of officialism. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma is tyro going through now? A clue might be that at no time in the past did flagitious ragamuffins shamble through the streets of cities, demanding rights they imagine some supernatural power has bestowed upon them. Unless we encourage opportunity, responsibility, and community, our whole social structure will gradually disintegrate and crumble into ruins.

There are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If tyro finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that tyro says that it is omnipotent. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that life isn't fair. We've all known this since the beginning of time, so why is it so compelled to complain about situations over which it has no control? We must doubtlessly ask ourselves questions like that before it's too late, before tyro gets the opportunity to invade every private corner and force every thought into a hectoring mold.

Tyro has been trying for quite some time to convince us that drug money is being used to pay for the construction of huge underground cities intended to house both humans and aliens who serve a secret, transnational shadow government. I suggest it take this rotting ordure and dump it where it and its fellow callow barmpots congregate. At least then we could act as a positive role model for younger people without having to worry that it will stretch credulity beyond the breaking point. Don't misunderstand me; I'm not saying that the purpose of life is self-gratification. In fact, this is neither a document written in anger nor something I am being paid to write, and everyone with half a brain understands that. Tyro teaches workshops on scapegoatism. Students who have been through the program compare it to a Communist re-education camp.

Whenever tyro is presented with the statement that I must protest its use of catty tricksters to lock people who need our help into a vicious cycle of indigence and ignorance, it spews out the hackneyed excuse that every word that leaves its mouth is teeming with useful information. Ironically, such screwball logic is likely to convince even more people that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that I by no means claim to know everything about illogical troublemakers. Am I being too harsh for writing that? Maybe I am, but that's really the only way you can push a point through to tyro. Even if we accepted tyro's epithets, so what? Does that mean that it is a model organization? Of course not. If I am doomed to hang myself by the neck until dead then tyro will obviously feed on the politics of resentment, alienation, frustration, anger, and fear by the next full moon.

Tyro, with its craftiness and headstrong claims, will entirely control our country's exuberant riches one of these days. Tyro will then use those riches to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. The moral of this story is that someone has to be willing to fight tooth and nail against it. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that no one is smart enough to see through its transparent lies.

Tyro's shenanigans violate the rational, enlightened claims of their own enunciatory modality. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, if we don't soon tell tyro to stop what it's doing, it will proceed with its sordid warnings, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given tyro our permission to do so. If you were to tell tyro that it owns drawers and boxes full of legal documents, which it is convinced prove its position, it'd just pull its security blanket a little tighter around itself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world. There's a time to keep silent and a time to speak. There's a time to love and a time to hate. There's a time for war and a time for peace. And, I claim, there's a time to do what needs to be done. Or, to put it less poetically, I cannot promise not to be angry at tyro. I do promise, however, to try to keep my anger under control, to keep it from leading me—as it leads tyro—to use adversarialism as a more destructive form of Dadaism.

Tyro is thoroughly versipellous. When it's among plebeians, tyro warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against gnosticism. But when tyro is safely surrounded by its votaries, it instructs them to divert us from proclaiming what in our innermost conviction is absolutely necessary. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that some day, in the far, far future, tyro will realize that all it does is inspire power-drunk criticisms. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how lamebrained, whiney grifters serve as the priests in tyro's cult of vulgar McCarthyism. These "priests" spend their days basking in tyro's reflected glory, pausing only when tyro instructs them to don the mantel of collectivism and undermine the current world order. What could be more quasi-violent? In classic sophist fashion, I ask another question in reply: To what degree is it going to bring paternalism to this country in the name of anti-paternalism? No, don't guess; this isn't audience participation day. I'll just tell you. But before I do, you should note that I find that some of its choices of words in its jeremiads would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "warped" for "superphlogistication" and "brazen" for "semiprofessionalized." Our goal must now be to tell tyro where it can stick it. If you believe that that's a worthwhile goal, then I can truly use your help. Let me hear from you.

 

> Tyro, with its craftiness
> with its craftiness
> with its
> with

 

I'm not sure of your gender.

 

Wait how stupid of me...

 

did someone say cheating?

 

Tyro's cool.