Need help fast!!!!

[bizcuits21]

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 19 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

i dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smart please help me.

any idea how to shut her up? should i give her another n64 game?

 

[Motzko]

Diddy Kong Racing crossed the line..giving away any n64 games should be against the law.....n64 is so 1337...just try jelly lol or just hit her with something and have your way with her

 

[bizcuits21]

Maybe I should give her ocarina of time, she'll stop crying, but its to risky!

 

[bizcuits21]

CMON seriously help me plzzzzz

 

[bizcuits21]

OMG my parents will be here in an hour!!!!

 

[ironblade87]

lul you fail

try some ice or something, and stick your dick in her mawth

 

[bizcuits21]

lul you fail

try some ice or something, and stick your dick in her mawth

She's screamin about how her couchie hurts, that wont work!!!!

 

[ironblade87]

She's screamin about how her couchie hurts, that wont work!!!!

it's been over 1 hour already aaaaaaaaand

Your penis should've been burnt from melted butter.

 

[bizcuits21]

it's been over 1 hour already aaaaaaaaand

Your penis should've been burnt from melted butter.

You realise this is the spam forum right?

 

[ironblade87]

You realise this is the spam forum right?

Oh fuck. I've been pranked. Fuck fukufkcfukcfuckfucfccfcfcfcffcifcfciuiufcifci.

The LotuCowGod has spoken.

 

[bizcuits21]

Oh crap, my parents pulled in helpy plz

 

[ironblade87]

Never fear! The LotuCowGod is here!

 

[Jesse]

ono i saw this just now.. and it too late :[

 

[Macroman]

lol, thats pretty sad.

 

[Tgump]

Should've ended:

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

see, i volunteer on my sister's softball team (im 19 the girls are 15)

and whatever, i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have a lot in common, and sometimes i help her with homework. i helped her with her english essay and she still got a D... this is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz

so she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry, i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes."

So then I gave her Diddy Kong Racing and Ken Griffy Jr. Baseball and we went up to my room. she is a bit confused and scared.

then i think to myself- yo i need lube, right? cuz i heard other people saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity, so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold and it wont melt, so i microwaved it for 8 minutes and i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, and now shes saying i burned it.

I don't know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute just sit right there
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called bel-air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all shooting some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys said "we’re up in no good"
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said "you’re moving with your aunt and uncle in bel-air"

I begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kissing and she gave me my ticket
I put my walk-man on and said I might as well kick it

First class, yo this is bad,
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass
Is this what the people of bel-air living like,
This might be alright!

I whistled for a cab and when it came near the
License plate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air

I pulled up to a house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the cab "yo, homes smell you later"
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air

 

[bizcuits21]

OMG people now I'm going to jail for moletsing a child!!!!!!! what should I do, should I try giving the judge a n64 game?