please help..

Note: I've been feeling a deep void in my life for the longest period. A void that is within that I've tried to fill dauntlessly. ​

I've tried drugs, alcohol, women. None worked.
Although, i don't want to type out my whole life so i'll get to the question which I need advice in.
​

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Topic: Meaningless Sexual Interactions
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Throughout the youth of my life, the teenage years to be particular I wasn't too major on getting women. I wasn't the best looking, I wasn't in shape physically, I simply did not get women. Till I became 18 years old, my best friend hooked up with a girl I had a huge crush on. Which was the wake up call for me to get my body together since I knew that was why I wasn't getting the women. I went on a disgusting 1000 daily calorie diet + daily treadmill of 750 calories. Went from 230LBS to 185 LBS in the span of 5-6 months. Lost a lot of muscle, that's besides the point though.

After getting into shape, I began to become more social / over coming my social anxiety. Began using Tinder, began going to clubs and forcing my self to enjoy it when I didn't (i.e: drinking). I lost my virginity, and that was the big boulder on the top of the hill that started my addiction to ''having sex'' to "show off" to friends. With the assistance of Tinder, Instagram and so on, I've had around 30 different women in my bed over the last year. I am currently 19 years old. A decent number were university girls from frosh and so on. Am I proud of this? Not at all. I did indeed lie to a lot of these women pretending I was looking for something more serious when we all knew I wasn't.

Now i'm here stuck, i'm addicted to sex but I HATE it RIGHT AFTER I EJACULATE. I will sit there sweet talking multiple women during the day till around 8 Pm then proceeding to meeting one of them that same night, some are the same (previous women I've been with) some aren't. But IMMEDIATELY after i cum, I literally hate them and my self. I hate my self for putting my self through this, why would I come fuck her if I knew afterwards I would feel this. I've tried sending my self voice notes of right after I get into my car or the girl leaves of me saying "don't do this shit again, i feel so shitty, i hate this" yet 1-2-3 days later i'm back at it.

I have no idea what to do, I don't know what love is, I feel really alone in this world, I can't trust any mate (another story I can get into if people want me to). But in short, whenever I meet a girl - I immediately attempt to ''run game'' to get laid, and regardless how long it takes, 3 dates, 5 dates, right after we have intercourse I lose all interest. I've tried holding off the hooking up but it just happens or me being in the mood I end up doing it then regretting it afterwards.

I don't even know what to do, I don't even know what the problem is I don't even know. I've gone numb to the feeling of "love" or even "caring" about any partner. Regardless of them meeting my criteria, or them being really smart, really great looking, doesn't matter.

Essentially i'm not sure if i'm here to get help to stop having random hookups or if i'm here to get some other form of advice, but I said screw it might as well see what people say, someone must have went through this. Also before anyone says just go jerk off, please don't.... I've tried it. I feel like jerking off makes me even more sexualized and then it goes from 1 time a day to 2 times a day then at that point i just end up meeting with a girl that night.


If you've read this far, I'd like to thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.

 

You are displaying symptoms of Bipolar type 2. Which is chronic anxiety and depression. There are medications for it, infact plenty. Some mate of mine is using a medication called «lamictal», which has helped him a lot. I would suggest visiting a psychiatrist to evaluate you.

 

please help..

Are you sure of that?
My uncle is actually bipolar.

Would you say what I feel/go through isn't "normal" persay?

Please tell me more man!

should i go to the doctor to get this done? also idk if if eel really comfortable reading this out to a doctor ig... @Hex

 

Chronic depression and anxiety combined r the most common symptoms for bipolar, you also described yourself feeling «empty»? This is also common with the disorder. Is healthcare free/cheap where u live? If so, I higly suggest that you seek help and get evaluated. Long term if you receive and react positive to the care, quality of life will improve. Sounds to me you have low self esteem, also very common with the disorder. You can google bipolar 1/2, you’ll get an overview and see if you recognize yourself in any of the symptoms. Best advice I can give u is seek help & do not be in denial, once you accept yourself for who you are and what you struggle with first then you can receive the help needed.

Hope this helps

 

I have bipolar it stemmed from issues during my childhood. Just sounds like talking to someone would be a good start if you don't feel a doctor is listening go for some private counselling in fact id recommend this first "doctors" are a gateway to other services apart from the odd cough or cold they don't do a ton. As the guy said above me medication is good but help treating the root cause of an issue helps alot also.

Goodluck man

 

please help..

A follow up on this, please merge it when you boys get a time.

I stated I lacked 'friends' - alot of them betrayed me recently when shit hit the fan in regards of the law. The rest should probably be self evident.

Any advice for 'befriending' a female? How do I stop thinking of hooking up with the girl and try build a friendship which hopefully stem into a long term relationship? How do I dedicate my self to someone and purely that someone and create a connection and refrain from sex?

Because I've noticed once sex is added into the equation - i tend to fuck it all up. I push them away after having the sex. Should I hold off? How would u recomend me to hold off?

Thanks again @Hex @IEatTomatoes

 

I assume you can relate to his issue then, what meds r u currently on?
Also, type 1 or 2?

 

2.
And generally ER lamotrigine I used to take lamictal but it doesn't go well with another medication for something else.

Trying to get on lower doses all the time though, 99.9% of the time taking one thing long term decreases the effects of said drug it's all about balance really.