this is going to be a huge rant... but honestly, nobody in real life really helps me, or understands my problems.
Im 26 years old, i have 2 daughters (aged 1, and almost 2 weeks old) I also have 2 step sons and I am married.
Life is miserable. It pretty much always has been. I have no goals, no aspirations, dont even really know what that word means lol but anyways.
I went to college, before i was with my wife, about... 4-5 years ago now. I ended up quitting when there was only 2 weeks left to the first year. My grades were pretty good. I actually enjoyed it. I am good with numbers and math, so accounting was fun to me. What had happened was i was depressed, i drank a whole quart of whiskey in about 5 minutes. While sitting in the hospital parking lot. I then took a bunch of pills. I tried to go into the road and make a vehicle hit me.. (this makes me feel disgusted in myself) I also told the security at the hospital that i had a knife... I then blacked out, and woke up sometime in the morning, my parents standing around me... it was the most disgusted ive ever felt in myself. I ended up staying in the mental health section of the hospital for 3 days. I got out, talked to a professor and he told me that i could take my time coming back, but i ended up never going.. I was too embarassed, worried my classmates would ask me where i was or what happened.
FAST FORWARD
Ive had a few different jobs since then. Nothing i really enjoyed. I had one job where i had the opportunity to use equipment such as loaders, mini excavators, etc. That job was not terrible.
Now, i have gotten my class 1 license and i drive tractor trailers, but its not something i really like. I do not like sitting there driving for hours, its boring. I just feel like im living a pointless life. Im going nowhere, im just living until the day i die. Its hard living like this, especially when i know that i could end all of the pain, but i also understand that the pain would be put onto others. Im just a real unhappy person and i dont know what to do about it. I want to find a career that I actually enjoy. I would love to either take an IT course, with the concentration of programming. Or finish my business admin course. I just dont know if either of those options are even possible now with kids and such. I wish i could make some sort of income off the internet or something, like if i could start a youtube channel, or start a dropshipping business. But i know how hard that is.
Im 26 years old, i have 2 daughters (aged 1, and almost 2 weeks old) I also have 2 step sons and I am married.
Life is miserable. It pretty much always has been. I have no goals, no aspirations, dont even really know what that word means lol but anyways.
I went to college, before i was with my wife, about... 4-5 years ago now. I ended up quitting when there was only 2 weeks left to the first year. My grades were pretty good. I actually enjoyed it. I am good with numbers and math, so accounting was fun to me. What had happened was i was depressed, i drank a whole quart of whiskey in about 5 minutes. While sitting in the hospital parking lot. I then took a bunch of pills. I tried to go into the road and make a vehicle hit me.. (this makes me feel disgusted in myself) I also told the security at the hospital that i had a knife... I then blacked out, and woke up sometime in the morning, my parents standing around me... it was the most disgusted ive ever felt in myself. I ended up staying in the mental health section of the hospital for 3 days. I got out, talked to a professor and he told me that i could take my time coming back, but i ended up never going.. I was too embarassed, worried my classmates would ask me where i was or what happened.
FAST FORWARD
Ive had a few different jobs since then. Nothing i really enjoyed. I had one job where i had the opportunity to use equipment such as loaders, mini excavators, etc. That job was not terrible.
Now, i have gotten my class 1 license and i drive tractor trailers, but its not something i really like. I do not like sitting there driving for hours, its boring. I just feel like im living a pointless life. Im going nowhere, im just living until the day i die. Its hard living like this, especially when i know that i could end all of the pain, but i also understand that the pain would be put onto others. Im just a real unhappy person and i dont know what to do about it. I want to find a career that I actually enjoy. I would love to either take an IT course, with the concentration of programming. Or finish my business admin course. I just dont know if either of those options are even possible now with kids and such. I wish i could make some sort of income off the internet or something, like if i could start a youtube channel, or start a dropshipping business. But i know how hard that is.
