2 mediocre SAT essays written by me.

Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?


Competition is the fundamental key to success. The following examples, the worldwide search engine: Google, the Wright Brothers, who created the first ever
successful aeroplane, and the harsh but achieving leader, Hitler, are supportive and relevant examples in explaining why competition is required for success.
Now known as one of the most popular search engines, Google, started off from scratch just as any other company would. While Google's creation was in process,
other web browser's such as Ask or MySearch were in the stages of implementation as well. During this time, the company of Google noted each and every step of
the other browsers. They learned from their setbacks, and improvements to end up providing a much more complexed and highly preferred search engine.

Unlike Google, The Wright Brothers learned more off of their own faults, rather than the setbacks of their competitors. However, comeptition was still involved.
They worked hard with patience and persaverance, and ended up showing the most competitve skills. Which resulted in the invention of the first ever manmade
successful aeroplane.

Hitler was driven by defeat. A loss in battle, meant his army to only turn out stronger and more ruthless. In only a matter of time, he turned out to become one
of the most feared leaders throughout world war II. No matter how wrong he executed his decisions, in the end his competitive and harsh personality, aided Germany
in becoming one of the most powerful Country during the wars.

Through the analysis of these three substantial examples of success by the means of competition, it can be inferred that it is indeed necessary for achieving
goals. If you took any of these cases and removed competition entirely, the drive for success would decrease and it could result in an incompletion of these events.
Competition is absolutely a prominent cause for why success is achieved.


Is creativity needed more than ever in our world today?

The absence of creativity would make our lives seem empty. Imagine a world where everyone shared the same ideas. It would be full of mundane and dullness. The Great Gatsby, Picasso and Bill Gates are three inspirtational examples of why creativity is fundamental in our world today.
'Gatsby! Oh, what a fine young man' everyone thought. Those people were so blinded by his lavish parties leisures that they didn't seem to even consider his true aspect of decorum. His ways of making money were very unique and creative. And for what? To seek benefit for the welfare of others. The man was a true blue, a philanthrophist! Hardwork and persaverance to make thousands happy.
Picasso is perhaps one of the momentous inspirations of our creative world today. With his intricate skills he showed perfection all over the artisitic world. The emotion brought from his aesthetic paintings assisted millions of artists to have the confidence to follow in his great footsteps
A man like Bill Gates, with his creative mind, is perhaps the only man who could come up with such an outstanding invention: Microsoft. To think the way he thought, to perform the way he performed, takes an absolute abundance of knowledge, inspiration and most of all creativity. These qualities were the key in inducing Microsoft in becoming one of the most successful corporations of the world.
Through the analysis of these examples it can be inferred that, creativity, is the sole reason to why our Earth has progressed expiditiousally in the past years, and why it always will.



Note:

Don't judge me based off my logic, or use of examples.
please judge mainly my English, flow, grammar etc.

Also, I wrote each of these in less than 25 minutes, which is why you'll find a few writing/grammar errors.
Please give me ideas on how to improve

 

You still have this short sentences problem and need to cut it out as suggested in your previous thread of written work. it causes the essay to be read like a list.

''They introduce suspense and create a feeling of realism that the reader is part of the situation. It makes it more intense and portrays the ideas of the author to the reader. This is especially relevant in ghost stories because they are meant to be suspenseful, scary and generate strong emotions in the reader.''

exemplified: The absence of creativity would make our lives seem empty. Imagine a world where everyone shared the same ideas. It would be full of mundane and dullness.

 

How's: A world where everyone shared the same ideas would be mundane and dull.

 

perfect. see doesn't that flow more in making the point overall? It isn't a massive problem, but if I was being picky its the first thing that jumps out to me and can get choppy when trying to read.

 

perfect. see doesn't that flow more in making the point overall? It isn't a massive problem, but if I was being picky its the first thing that jumps out to me and can get choppy when trying to read. You also fixed the error in 'it would be full of mundane and dullness' which isn't correct phrasing.

 

yeah mundane is not a noun

 

Hey man, I had a 2380 and a 12 on the essay. I followed these guidelines, I'd always have five paragraphs with one literature example, one real life example, and one personal connection. Incorporate these into your essays, and you'll be getting 10s,11s,12s in no time! Good luck!

 

I 12'd my essays with ease, Law Abiding is dead on with his assessment. If you can use a real life example, a literary example, and something that personally connects you to those other two examples, you are absolutely golden. Adept use of diction and syntax is of course helpful, but the examples and tying it all together is really what they seem to be looking for.

 

And always remember that writing more > writing less for these things... it's stupid but true. Also 12'd my essay using the quote/personal example method, but I went with historical connections instead of "real life" ones. Pretty much just memorized five quotes that were broadly applicable and remembered some trivia from history class.

 

I definitely agree, if you need any SAT advice and have the money, I'd suggest private tutoring. The test isn't based on "smartness" at all, it is how "well" you take the exam. If you're taking the new exam which is a joke you should be completely fine. Never go to any franchise based tutoring as you're just another number. Do the entire blue book, then do it some more, then do it again. Practice makes perfect, my first SAT was like a 1560 without any knowledge on how to take the test. I slowly climbed up from a mere 2050 to a 2240 to a 2380. Remember, that one question could make all the difference. For me, C/R was the hardest.

 

Thanks guys for the support. I've been told by some not to use personal experiences, and just go for literary and history examples.

I guess since you guys got 12 i'll go for those

@Law Abiding, I got 1560 the first time as well, round #2 is incoming on December 6th and my essay writing isn't still up to par.

C/R is the hardest for me as well

What do you guys think these essays would get out of 12. honestly.

 

I'll give em a read for you tomorrow when I'm not half-asleep man . But, I'm not sure why someone would tell you NOT to use personal experiences. The essay portion wants to see who you are not just as a writer but as a person. Don't be afraid to talk about your struggles and life-lessons. Just make sure that it pertains to the prompt and is compatible with your literary, historical, or real-world example, and you will be beyond okay.

 

Well written, although what these guys said is right. Maybe you should longer out your sentences, otherwise it's very well written and nice job on this Slashz!

 

Here is how I would write my introduction for the first essay question. Note: In my opinion, the single most important paragraph in any essay is the introduction; this is where you will sell yourself.

Competition lies at center of success. Throughout society, the competitive nature of various businesses have helped drive new innovation. Andrew Carnegie was an established entrepreneur who revolutionized his steel business by instilling competitive natures. He learned the roots of his business and conquered smaller entities in his path. Likewise, the technological giant Google was able to create one of the most renowned search engines in a field that was dominated by much larger companies at the time. On the other hand, personal experiences involving competition helped me create a successful online business by understanding the ideals of competition and how to use them to my favor. Thus, competition is not only necessary, but quintessential to success as evidenced by examples found in society.

This is how I would word my introduction and I would use examples like those I mentioned because I feel like they are the easiest to talk about and everyone knows about them. This is just how I would word it, I could be completely wrong as I'm so accustomed to writing at such an advanced level for college nowadays that I kinda forgot how it should be written. I'll let other people comment, but tell me what you think.

 

By far the most important variable for the writing section is length.

http://www.eurekareview.com/pdfs/news/SAT_Essay_Rewards_Length.pdf