Reported Post by penman2k7

[penman2k7]

penman2k7 has reported a post.

Reason:

Trying to offer personal insight into addiction however can't say the word ***** (X A N A X)

Post: I cant seem to break my addiction
Forum: Personal Support
Assigned Moderators: blade bro4, SellerMan

Posted by: penman2k7
Original Content:

I can relate to your story a lot, admittedly I've always told myself heroin and meth not even once but I've been addicted to both ***** and MXE (a research chemical/designer drug similar to ketamine).

I already had pretty bad anxiety so when I discovered ***** it was a dream. I finally had cured my crippling anxiety that had held me back all these years. All it took was a cheap tablet and I'd be able to take on the world. Eventually tolerance started to build, my anxiety crept back and with a kick. I started to get panic attacks which I had never experienced before, lost sleep and wasn't able to leave the house again. I tried to up my does but as time went by they didn't last as long and I was getting panic attacks while at school. Eventually I started seeing a therapist and knew it was time to give it up. The withdrawals were hell, I couldn't enjoy anything in life, the only thing that could stop it all was heavy drinking or more *****. My love for marijuana was no more, I'd end up in a fit of panic after just one hit. It got better though, after a couple weeks the sickness past, my real emotions came back, I was no longer some zombie and I could enjoy my weed again .

I have relapsed since, my mum got a script for valiums and I do feel terrible about this still but I stole from her to service my addiction. A normal night for me during this period would be a few valiums mixed with a few drinks. After doing this daily I became very depressed and tried to end it all. I took all the valiums I had left (10) combined with some vodka shots hoping to end it all. Ironically it was probably my tolerance to the both that I'm still alive.

After all that I told myself I'd never touch a benzo again, and I haven't. I feel a lot better overall and a much more well rounded person. My experimentation with drugs didn't stop there though, I had access to the darknet which meant any drug I knew about and plenty I didn't were at my finger tips.

MXE was a whole new game, I was convinced I had it under control, convinced I was medicating my depression and anxiety. I was very much psychologically addicted it took over my life. I was doing it all day everyday, I did take one day breaks to prove to myself I could but I did convinced myself to cave a lot of the time. I probably would still be getting high right now if it wasn't for how lucky I got. My MXE order never arrived, lost in the post probably (i hope) and it took me a whole month of abstinence of how much it ruined my life. I ruined my relationship with my SO and my mum no longer trusts me. Luckily I work in a pretty relaxed environment because I highly doubt I would have been able to keep my job at the time. I've had to call in sick due to being too high before, utter embarrassment.

I hope you check yourself into rehab, get on a methadone or subutex treatment (it's take more than just one most likely) because there's only 3 ways out of this.

1. You get help and live a good life.
2. You get put in jail.
3. You get put 6 feet under. You're dancing with death, that next hit could be cut with something nasty like fentanyl. You just can't know.

As time goes by the less action you take the bigger the hole gets and you will ruin all your relationships with everyone. Your mom will find out, she probably already knows but doesn't want to believe it. I don't think you'll get much help on here but there are places.

http://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/
is a good one.

Good Luck.

Ayahuasca man, it's one of many psychedelics that have had the ability to help cure alcoholism, tobacco addiction, heroin addiction, and even PTSD on multiple occasions in the past. Ayahuasca is very intense, but you should do a really good amount for it to have the capability of helping you out probably. Here's a video, really interesting stuff and it's worth a shot. Best of luck man!

[YOUTUBE]TrsaPz-2yqQ[/YOUTUBE]

Can't think of a worse idea, one should not take potentially mind altering substances to make important life choices let alone while going through opiate withdrawals. I cant imagine nor would want to trip while being dope sick.

 

[S]

done.