Reported Post by Blue Grass

Blue Grass · Apr 29, 2015

Blue Grass has reported a post.

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Should be in Personal Support.
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Post: I cant seem to break my addiction
Forum: Sports, Health & Fitness
Assigned Moderators: video, Superfluous

Posted by: TrippyGod
Original Content:

I always thought that people who were addicted to something were just being weak minded and just didn't want to stop. Well now that i'm experiencing it first hand I see that I was completely wrong. It all started back in early January. A good friend of mine who I consider a brother moved in with me since he had nowhere to go. He was selling heroin and did it also. I had made an agreement with him that he would not sell it out of my house nor do it at my house. I smoke weed and always told myself I would never touch that stuff. I went through a rough patch with not having a job and my mom getting on me about that. I don't blame her though since i'm 18 and not doing anything with my life. I try to get a job and fill out applications but never follow through with it after that. I hate myself and what I am. After being told that we were being evicted and had 60 days left to find a new place my mother really started being harsh to me. No matter what I do i'm always the main thing to all her problems in her eyes. One night after her drinking she really got on me saying that i'm nothing but a failure and that I will never amount to anything. The usual things she says to me. What really got to me though was her saying that i'm the biggest mistake she's ever made in her life. I got up and left.

My friend was out with his girlfriend at the time so I called him to pick me up. When he did all I wanted to do was get high. I had no weed but he had some heroin. I asked him to hit it a couple times saying this would be the only time I would do it. That's where I was wrong and to this day I regret smoking it. He asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it and I said yes. Sadly I really liked it and continued to smoke it. I did it for about 5 days straight and he told me I needed to stop. So I took his advice and stopped for 2 days. After 2 days, I said hey see i'm not addicted I can stop at any time. I started up again and have taken 2 breaks from it. The first time I detoxed and it hurt like a bitch. I stopped for about a week then things got bad for me again. I made the mistake of not caring about anything and started up again. The 2nd time I stopped was about 2 weeks ago. I was sure this time that I was going to be clean and stop it. I was wrong.

3 days ago, I had a really bad day. I called my friends girlfriend and asked her if she could get me a half gram. She picked me up and got me it. I smoked about half of it that night and the rest of it yesterday. I bought a 30 sack last night and have been smoking it today. I just finished it about 20 minutes ago and now I just want to kill myself. I have these thoughts often but i'll never go through with it. I hate what i've become and who I am today. I don't plan on buying any more but I just know that i'll relapse again. My mother doesn't know i've done it but I think she has her suspicions. I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I want to get a job, I really do but I just can't seem to follow through with it. I honestly don't know why either. I've thought about trying to get into rehab but that would mean my mother finding out i've been doing it. I don't know how she would react and i'd rather not find out. Heroin has been the biggest mistake of my life. I have nobody to talk to either. I feel so lonely and I hate it. I wish I could at least get counseling or therapy but I can't afford either. I'm high right now and full of regret. I just needed to tell someone so I turned to you guys. Please, don't ever try heroin. It's nothing but trouble. I just really needed to get this off my chest. I hope I get clean and find something positive in life. Thanks for reading this if you did.
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