Serious Child Custody Help

I really only want responses from people who have gone through court or atleast absolutely know what they are talking about. Maybe someone with law experience or something.

A little over 3 years ago I left my pregnant girlfriend because I was miserable. The past 6 months of our relationship had just been for our kid, but I couldn't take it anymore. The only way I could deal with my life was literally being drunk from the time I woke up, until I went to bed. Every night I had a reoccurring dream of cutting her up into little peaces, so I finally left before I ended up killing her for real. More than once she would tell me she had a miscarriage or something like that trying to make me think she wouldn't have the baby. Shes a pathological liar so it's just in her nature to lie and try to start drama. She didn't even tell me when she gave birth, her current boyfriend had to tell me because he thought I deserved to know.

A couple of times after the birth she told me I could come over and see my daughter, but when I showed up she had already called the cops and I got arrested for trespassing and harassment. The second time I saved the text message asking me to come over and the cops didn't arrest me, but just told me not to come back.

The main reason shes pulling this shit is because she never got over me. The first time I managed to see my daughter was when I told her we'd get back together but she had to bring my daughter back to missouri for me to see first (at the time she was living in Kansas with her dad). I got to see my daughter 3 days in a row, but as soon as she found out I had no intentions of being with her again, she went back to Kansas. She left just shortly after my daughters 1st birthday.

Just last year she moved back to missouri and got married. We've made countless dates for me to see my daughter but shes blown them all off. When I found out I was getting my GED soon (feb. 15th) I said I was tired of her fuckin me around so I would just take it to court. (I'll hopefully get a job soon after my GED and be able to afford a lawyer). In a desperate attempt to change things, she took my daughter to my grandparents house and had them call me so I could come visit. She said I could start seeing her again if I just left court out of it. And she invited me to my daughter's birthday on January 29th.

I am currently engaged, I have been for a little over a year now. Kelly has now said that I am not aloud to have my daughter around my soon to be wife. I'm marrying this girl as soon as I have enough money for a down payment on a small apartment, which may not be very long due to having a job as soon as I get my GED if the spot is still open, and the hiring manager says it most likely will be.

So when I said that if my kids going to be around her husband shes going to be around my wife too. She of course, started shit over it and said if I show up to my kid's birthday party that she'll call the cops. So now I see no other choice but try to get shared custody at a court hearing.


Now that you know the story, this is the things I need to know.

I am 20 years old. I have 3 years worth of child support built up, 4.5 thousand dollars. Going up at 200$ a month. I also have a couple of assault, a misdemenor possession of marijuana, a possession of paraphernalia and trespasssing charges on my record.

I know that looks shouldn't matter, but I know these rules are often broken, I have alot of tattoos, but the only ones I can't cover up in court are the ones on my hands. I have "PUNX" on my right fingers, a big "S" on the back of my right hand and a symbol on my right thumb. I have bright red stars on my left fingers, the mayan symbol for the number 13 on the back of my left hand, a sythe over a crowned number 13 on my left thumb. I also have a pretty long beard, about to my color bone.

How much would I need to spend to get a lawyer good enough to assure winning the court case, but cheap enough to be affordable?

Will I actually need a lawyer or should I be able to get shared custody of my child without one, even with my looks, record and backed child support? Will I need to wait until I get a job to prove to the court that I am a capable parent? (I know to get full custody I would need a job, but I dont know if this applies with just having my daughter every other weekend).

 

Well first of all if you are paying child support already you should have visitation rights.
Did both of you go to the hearing, before the child support counselor ? Now the judge.
If so there is no need for a lawyer both parties can sit down and talk it out about visitation no problems added. A child father holds the right to see there child unless proved unfit to care for them, in that case a third party would be added for visitation such as your mom, dad or grandparents something like that so atleast you still get to see your little girl.
As far as the back child support there most likely going to take that out of your first taxes you file and once you start working they will take a certain amount out of your check. They will come up with this price my how much you make, i believe the medical fee for a child is 75$ offhand and a certain % of your check goes to your child.
I dont think there is a way that you would be so backed up on child support without a hearing.
But there is one way that you could get that lowered, if you want to. You could higher a lawyer and fight that for 4 years you did not have a job and they would have to lower your child support payments to minimum wage, or you can ask your kids mother to not file for back child support the decision is hers ive been through this with 3 kids. The counselor will ask her "would you like back support for the last 4 years" it will be her decision to answer yes or no, its also a good idea to have a good relationship with your daughters mother.

Also the only way you will need a lawyer is if you are planning to fight for custody fully, that is if you guys dont have joint custody and you just dont know it. Or if she has full custody and is not willing to talk it out with you. Or as i said before to get your child support lowered.

Well pm me if you have any questions im willing to help you out.

 

There was never a child support hearing. I started being charged child support as soon as the test came back and showed she was mine.

 

O ok then there does not need to be a hearing because it proven she was yours, so whenever you get a p test then you waive all your right to fight the Child support what you need to do now is contact the Attorney general and set up a hearing to get your visitation right set up and worked on. You only need a lawyer if you are in disagreement with something that is going on.

 

I gotta say your story sounds exactly like mine. But luckily my ex did not file child support or take me to court.

From what I know you should definitley get a good job that shows the judge that you can make enough money to support you and your kid.

Now remember you also live in the bible belt (I live in Oklahoma) So you gotta go into this knowing theres no way your getting full custody unless you have valid proof of her being malicious toward your child or on drugs.

Make sure you take all the precautions necessary before you take this to court or you will walk out with nothing but a higher child support payment and back payments.

As with the tattoos they are gonna judge no matter what you do. Just make sure you wear a suit and tie and make sure you are respectful to everyone in the court room no matter what anyone says.

Now from how you talk about your ex she's all about making sure you get the shit end of the stick. She's going to lie and try to get you pissed off during this whole ordeal make sure you just stay away from her so the opportunity doesn't arrise for her to make you pissed off.

Good luck man I hope I never have to go through what your going through.
You seem like you have your head on your shoulders right and you should come out ontop.

 

I don't see why you can't have shared custody of your daughter. I mean I do realize that children should always live with the mother after a break-up of some sort but I think fathers should have an equal chance for pimary custody as well. If the child is very young, the court will almost always choose the mother, unless the mother is psychologically incapacitated [drugs,alcohol]. In your case, the court looks at a number of criteria when determining who the primary residential parent will be. These criteria include who spends the most time with the child, and who is most likely to allow unhindered visitation, and financial situation always plays a huge role. I know you're not looking for sole custody of your daughter, but I think its fair to say you both have a right to her. Also, If you get the job, it's more likely the court will give you shared custody of your daughter. As "Irn928" said, you are in the right path with your life and I hope you get that job man, It would really help a lot. Good luck.