Does This Make Me Gay?

[SexayMistahBee]

Well I kinda started to not have a thing for women after being played twice.
I had my first girlfriend in middle school and I REALLY liked her. I was extremely shy back then and couldn't talk to women properly and she approached me first. But it turned out that she had a different boyfriend every three weeks or so. I was wondering why she insisted that I didn't tell anyone.

I met my second girlfriend the year later. This time, I had some emotional scars, but I was fine and had learnt from my mistakes. I got over my shyness a lot, too.
She, too, I really liked. But then I read text messages on her phone from five different guys asking "how his girl/baby is doing."

Since then, I can't look at women as women; somebody to build a relationship with. You get the point.
These two scars left on me are MASSIVE. Of course they healed, but they left their ugly marks.

Now, I'm not shy around women. I know that I sound like an ass saying this, but I have no trouble playing girls who think that guys are putty and leaving them feeling like shit. Of course not all women are like that and I have a lot of female-friends, but no girlfriends at all. Among the many that I've met, I couldn't find one that I felt was someone who I could build another relationship with, no matter how "fine" they may look. And of course, I'm still looking for one because I'm jealous of all my friends having lovers.

Now here comes the awkward part:
I recently started delivering pizza from Pizza Hut. And imagine this:
One of those thin, gay french chefs that you see in the movies who have feminine appeal to them who make it obvious by talking gay and acting gay.
Seriously, this is the exact description of one of the chefs here and I think that it would be cool to have HIM close.

But, the thought of any romance with him doesn't appeal to me.
And yet, I want to hang out with him.

Could those two scars from the girlfriends have done permanent damage? Am I beyond the point of no-return?
But like I said; I'm not interested in romance with a guy. And if I add more, yes I masturbate regularly to straight porn.

 

But, the thought of any romance with him doesn't appeal to me.
And yet, I want to hang out with him.

So you're asking if you're gay because you want to hang out with a gay person?
That's ridiculous. No you are not gay.

 

[Sypherz]

If the thought of romance does not appeal to you, why do you think there is a chance of being homosexual just by hanging out with a friend?

I think that you're trying to justify your past experiences. Finding an absurd reason to think that you're gay might make more sense of your situation.

But you have to understand that all of these experiences with girls-- everything-- is a learning experience. Everyone goes through these things as they grow up. Let me tell you something. I was in a long relationship and we had a terrible breakup. I destroyed my relationship with her and friends, I wasn't myself, I was depressed for months. But coming out of it I realize what I did and I've grown from it. Instead of being scarred by something in middle school you should ask yourself "what do I take from this?". Life is about moving past things. If you find yourself stuck up over things that happened so long ago, you might not end up a happy as you could be.

That being said there's no reason to rush yourself. In time things will happen with other girls, I promise you. But try to understand your situation in a more rational way.

 

[Apith]

No it does not.

As shoop said, simply wanting to befriend a gay person does not make you gay. That is ridiculous, you can be friends with anyone and it would never mean you're gay. You know this as well, I know you do. But the thing that is puzzling you is how you aren't as attracted to women as you once were. I say give it time and you'll eventually find someone, or try new things and you'll meet new women.

Some people just has something, they are really friendly/cool and you just want to befriend them. Whether they be male, female or even gay. An example is if you're a junior, you'd usually want to befriend a senior in high school/college. It's really no different to your situation.

 

[Zerkerfist]

Wanting to hang out with an openly gay person but having no sexual attraction to him does not make you gay whatsoever. I don't even know where you would get that idea.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of trust issues and experiences in your past have made it hard for you to trust women, and to allow yourself to build successful relationships with them. It has also made you distrustful in women in general and is influencing your opinion of all women as a whole as being very negative. I think you are just lonely and you are craving the companionship and intimacy with another human being that is provided by a close relationship. However, because you do not trust women, you are seeking that companionship in other ways - and at the moment this gay chef guy who you want to hang out with.

As far as being gay is concerned, you have nothing to worry about. Unless you are feeling sexually attracted to him or are finding you are wanting a romantic relationship with him, then you are not experiencing any kind of homosexual urges and therefore there is no problem. Even if you were, there is nothing wrong with being gay. I think you are just a little bit confused and lost right now, and therefore you are a bit mixed up and unsure of yourself.

Just remember that all women aren't cheating whores, or sluts who will betray your trust. Sure, plenty of them exist but there are an equal number of men who cheat and betray their partner's trust as well. Eventually you are going to need to learn to trust women again and take a leap of faith, otherwise you are going to live a very lonely life and you will never experience that wonderful intimacy that comes with the deep connection and understanding you can experience with a romantic partner.

 

[kmjt]

If you aren't appealed by him in anyway way, you aren't gay. Hanging out with someone gay doesn't make you gay. Usually gays make the best friends which might be why you want to hang out with him after being emotionally scarred.

 

[SexayMistahBee]

If the thought of romance does not appeal to you, why do you think there is a chance of being homosexual just by hanging out with a friend?

I think that you're trying to justify your past experiences. Finding an absurd reason to think that you're gay might make more sense of your situation.

But you have to understand that all of these experiences with girls-- everything-- is a learning experience. Everyone goes through these things as they grow up. Let me tell you something. I was in a long relationship and we had a terrible breakup. I destroyed my relationship with her and friends, I wasn't myself, I was depressed for months. But coming out of it I realize what I did and I've grown from it. Instead of being scarred by something in middle school you should ask yourself "what do I take from this?". Life is about moving past things. If you find yourself stuck up over things that happened so long ago, you might not end up a happy as you could be.

That being said there's no reason to rush yourself. In time things will happen with other girls, I promise you. But try to understand your situation in a more rational way.

Wanting to hang out with an openly gay person but having no sexual attraction to him does not make you gay whatsoever. I don't even know where you would get that idea.

It sounds to me like you have a lot of trust issues and experiences in your past have made it hard for you to trust women, and to allow yourself to build successful relationships with them. It has also made you distrustful in women in general and is influencing your opinion of all women as a whole as being very negative. I think you are just lonely and you are craving the companionship and intimacy with another human being that is provided by a close relationship. However, because you do not trust women, you are seeking that companionship in other ways - and at the moment this gay chef guy who you want to hang out with.

As far as being gay is concerned, you have nothing to worry about. Unless you are feeling sexually attracted to him or are finding you are wanting a romantic relationship with him, then you are not experiencing any kind of homosexual urges and therefore there is no problem. Even if you were, there is nothing wrong with being gay. I think you are just a little bit confused and lost right now, and therefore you are a bit mixed up and unsure of yourself.

Just remember that all women aren't cheating whores, or sluts who will betray your trust. Sure, plenty of them exist but there are an equal number of men who cheat and betray their partner's trust as well. Eventually you are going to need to learn to trust women again and take a leap of faith, otherwise you are going to live a very lonely life and you will never experience that wonderful intimacy that comes with the deep connection and understanding you can experience with a romantic partner.

If you aren't appealed by him in anyway way, you aren't gay. Hanging out with someone gay doesn't make you gay. Usually gays make the best friends which might be why you want to hang out with him after being emotionally scarred.

Do you necessarily have to have sexual feelings towards tthe same sex to be gay?

I'm extremely confused right now.

 

[kmjt]

If you have no sexual desires for men you are not gay. You may really enjoy hanging out with someone and enjoy being around him but that does not make you gay. You haven't really elaborated on why you actually think it would be "cool to have him close". What makes you want to hang out with this guy? There must be something.

 

[Joker91]

Sounds like a "bromance." =)

 

[SexayMistahBee]

If you have no sexual desires for men you are not gay. You may really enjoy hanging out with someone and enjoy being around him but that does not make you gay. You haven't really elaborated on why you actually think it would be "cool to have him close". What makes you want to hang out with this guy? There must be something.

The feelings I have for that guy isn't the same as the ones that I have for my other friends.

It's hard to explain, I guess that I have all the feelings for him that I would have for a woman except sexual feelings?

 

[Emperor Nero]

I love my cousin who is a dude like that. I mean we are best bros no matter what happens in our lives and we would do anything for each other, and I tell him I love him every time we talk on the phone or see each other. It is because we are pretty much brothers. That doesn't make us gay. I believe what makes you gay is the sexual attraction to a member of the same sex. If you look at him and think about him erotically then that, in my personal opinion, would make you gay. If you wish to pursue a sexual relationship with him that would make you gay or bisexual or whatever.

 

[kmjt]

The feelings I have for that guy isn't the same as the ones that I have for my other friends.

It's hard to explain, I guess that I have all the feelings for him that I would have for a woman except sexual feelings?

Maybe you don't really care for your other friends? You are supposed to want to be around your friends regardless if they are the same sex.

 

[SexayMistahBee]

Maybe you don't really care for your other friends? You are supposed to want to be around your friends regardless if they are the same sex.

I get the point, I guess that I'm straight

And no, that can't be true.
Or can it?

Haha what you guys are asking and telling me answered my main problem but leaves more...

It's like that I don't even know myself. lol

 

[Joker91]

There are different levels of friendships. Hence my bromance concept.

For example, most of my friends are just people I don't mind being around who have similar interests. I'm comfortable around them and enjoy myself.

However, I have one friend that I love. Not in a homosexual kind of way, but I do love him. He has always been there for me. I can share anything with him, and I really like to be in his company. He's like a brother to me. Do you have any siblings that you really care for and get along with? If not, maybe that is the feeling you're mistaking this for.

 

[SexayMistahBee]

There are different levels of friendships. Hence my bromance concept.

For example, most of my friends are just people I don't mind being around who have similar interests. I'm comfortable around them and enjoy myself.

However, I have one friend that I love. Not in a homosexual kind of way, but I do love him. He has always been there for me. I can share anything with him, and I really like to be in his company. He's like a brother to me. Do you have any siblings that you really care for and get along with? If not, maybe that is the feeling you're mistaking this for.

Okay now that really cleared things up for me
Thanks buddy!

 

[Zerkerfist]

Just so you know man, it is very normal to be a little bit confused about your sexuality when you are younger, and starting to feel the emotions that go along with deep and complex relationships (not just sexual/romantic relationships). Many people are.

You would know if you were gay, as you would be sexually attracted to men, and you would find yourself yearning for intimacy and relationships with them. That is much different than what it sounds like you are feeling for your friend - an interest, an excitement, a brother-like infatuation with wanting to be around him and hang out with him. That is normal, and as you get older and come further and further out of your shell, you will find that it is possible to have extremely deep & intimate relationships with people of the same sex, without there being any romance or attraction involved.

Some of the most interesting, and sometimes funniest times I've ever had with my close guy friends, was back in highschool when we used to get together every few weeks and drop some ecstasy or take pure MDMA. If somebody else were to have seen us during those trips, they would have been certain we were a bunch of queers. But there was so sexual activity or attraction at all, we were all just learning to become comfortable with ourselves, our sexuality, and being unafraid to admit that we all loved each other in a 'bromance' kind of way. It is hard to describe, but they were some very enlightening and eye-opening times in my life.

 

we all loved each other in a 'bromance' kind of way.

^ Exactly that.

The feeling you have of wanting to be close to this guy is just like, a bonding attraction. You're probably sensing a good aura around him and makes you wanna hang around him and get to know him more. I'm sure you've felt the same way with females too, wanting to just be friends, hang out, bond and nothing more.

If you have impure thoughts of him on occasion then that might be a different story but in this case, no you are not gay

 

[.Andrew.]

bro the only time when you pass the "point of no return" is when you participate in sexual activity with a gay person. even if you dont want a romance with him, asking him to hangout is very misleading

 

[Lvl 75 Def]

Aslong as you don't think about any sexual activities, i think ur not gay. being friends with a homosexual person is not making you gay aswell

 

[xxaaronxx46]

tmi tmi tmi tmi tmi tmi tmi

((((O________O))))

Anyways on topic:

Sounds like you're young, therefor I recommend pulling yourself together and getting over it. These were minor, imagine the man who finds his girlfriend in his bed with another man? (Although more than often murder is involved shortly after)

But aside from that you aren't gay and its probably best you do not date now. Take some time off, spend time with friends, go out, do something, and wait for a girl to come to you. It shall be done.

Remember it's called falling for a reason, you're not supposed to be looking for it, just let it happen.

Good luck mate!
-oOstarOo