Ex girlfriend

Hey guys, Cesc here. I've got yet another problem with an ex of mine. We broke up in mid June and she found a new boyfriend soon after. She took me off as a friend on Facebook so I pretty much cut off any ties I had with her. I haven't seen/talked to her since our breakup and I'm doing good. So last night, she sends me this gem on Facebook:

I don't know whether I should reply or not, and if I do what I should say. Looking back, I never should have dated her because we were complete opposites. I usually don't associate with her crowd (partying etc, not that there's anything wrong with it that's just not me), and to be honest I'm so glad I'm done with her. I've moved on to bigger and better things. I was a different person when I dated her. I didn't act how I usually do. Now, my senior year, I've really been enjoying myself without her. I asked a new girl to prom (who I like a lot more than I ever liked my ex), getting good grades, accepted to college of choice etc. If you were me, what would you do?

 

Why don't you just tell her the truth? Tell her exactly what you told us, but in a nicer way.

Just say that you've changed and things just weren't working out between you two. Tell her that you guys were opposites and that even though it may have been fun then, she's just not what you're looking for as of right now. However tell her you're happy for her and you're glad shes with someone more like her.

 

Yeah man, I have an ex exactly like that and she would wonder why we broke up. Truth is, I couldn't really explain it - or rather, she didn't understand it/want to understand it.

I told her that it just didn't feel right, and I had to break up with her because I didn't want to lead her on. Now, of course, that goes in one ear and out the other but over time we grew to become more of casual friends. I can actually still talk to her to this day (And I do) and be able to feel comfortable talking to her about whatever.

You can't leave things unresolved man, otherwise the feeling will always remain. You need to be a man and talk to her because it's not cool to lead someone on a chase.

 

Just tell her the truth man, honesty really is the best policy in these sort of situations, girls are mytserious though, they have mixed up emotions.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't respond. She's the one who deleted you on Facebook. She isn't worth your time if she has to blame you for everything, especially if you didn't do anything wrong. You both have moved on and I think she's just trying to make you feel bad. If she really cared, then she wouldn't have waited until now to say something.

 

I don't that's a good idea, especially in his situation. If leaving it to so much as not responding was the OP's choice, he never would have made a thread like this.

I think whether it's openly stated or not, subconsciously/unconsciously both of them need closure(as stated above by another poster.) If the feelings for one another are truly gone, all that's left to do is actually say it to each other outloud.

 

go claim your girl man, been in this situation before, you dont realise what you have lost untill it gone bro, go get ur girl

 

He did state that he didn't know whether or not he should respond, so he was considering it. I guess he shouldn't necessarily not respond, but there really isn't that much to say either. I think it's wrong of her to delete him off Facebook, not bother talking to him again, then blame him for ignoring her months later. It's not like she tried to contact him and he didn't respond. She was just as capable as he was. It's obvious that all feelings are gone and I'm sure both of them know it. She found a new boyfriend soon after they broke up, so that itself shows a lot. I don't think either of them are really looking for much closure.

If you do respond, then just say whatever you feel. Just say she didn't really do anything wrong, but you just didn't think she wanted anything to do with you anymore considering she deleted you, never tried to contact you until now, and had a new boyfriend.

 

First, I'd like to say thanks to all your responses! You guys have a lot of great input.

I'm thinking about that. The only problem is she has a tendency to explode at me if I accuse her of anything. And to be blunt, I really don't care about her. She treated me bad and I couldn't care less what's going on in her life!

I'm not leading her on. She has a boyfriend (I think). I just felt mad cause she immediately started dating a guy after we broke up. I never see her and that's the way I like it. I hate to sound like a jerk, but she was a jerk to me, so I don't have any interested in starting anything up with her.

This is sort of what I'm leading towards. I just need to put it in a (semi) friendly matter so she doesn't freak out at me.

Also very true. I thought it was very immature of her to delete me. Then she re-added me in November. We are just completely different people and that's fine with me. We didn't have a bad breakup, I just was mad when she started dating this other guy almost immediately after.

BSGP, I'd like to explain why I came to here to ask. She's sent me several mean messages since June but this is the first reasonable one. My first instinct is just to ignore it but you could be right. I have plenty of closure. I guess if I told her anything it would be on Facebook cause I do not want to see her in person.

I'm not looking to get her back. I'm over her.

Dimethyl, you really seem to get me. Thanks so much for posting this. It means a ton. It's really 50/50 at this point. Maybe she does deserve an explanation, but on the other hand, she was horrible to me towards the final stages of the relationship and afterwards (she also had her friends harass me immediately after the breakup).

 

just leave her...

 

Left her in June of 2011.

 

No problem man. The fact she was horrible to you pretty much confirms how I see it. If it were me, I would have something to say back. What I would really want to do, is tell her to fuck off. She sounds very immature and that message was just rude and I'm sure she meant it to be. I don't think she deserves an explanation at all considering you didn't do anything wrong.

 

Tell her you're done with her. That second paragraph should of been what you responded with

 

It sounds to me like you are very intelligent and in tune with yourself and your personal needs, and that you are moving forward in your life at a good pace and have recognized your previous relationship with this girl just isn't right for you. First off, I think that is very mature and I'm glad you have recognized that

As for the second part, involving the message she sent you, I would just tell her the truth and repeat what you told us. Be kind and gentle, but get the point across that you are trying to move on with your life and focus on bigger things, and you don't mind remaining "friends" but you do not want to have constant contact with her after this point. If she can't take that, well then that is HER problem not yours