24 Ways NOT to Impress a Girl

Things You Should Never Do
#1When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.



#2Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)


#3Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be", repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.



#4When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.


#5Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelery is for pussies and Asian ladies.


#6If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes and mouth the words 'screw you' and grab the other girls ass...... Girls love competition.


#7Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...cause I can."

#8Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.



#9Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.




#10Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... (think about it... you might get cold!) Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b***hing about the cold right now you're going to be b***hing about a black eye!" The best way to get warm is with fear.

#11Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). And she does, leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

#12Make her laugh. A good way to do this is, if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?



#13Let her fall asleep in your arms. Her head in your hands. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your hands for more important things....... Like basketball.

Things You Definetly Shouldn't Do
#14Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.




#15If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.


#16Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.


#17Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "No she's not hungry!". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.


#18Look her in the eyes and smile. Then smack her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.



#19Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.



#20If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, say no. This
way she'll think you're mysterious.



#21Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.


#22When she gives you a present on your birthday, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash bin open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

#23If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

#24Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

 

..............

 

you forgot that saying your fat always lightens her mood

 

Lmao.

 

#21 Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.


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I did that once, she thought I was so cute.

 

*omg* u got dis on ur myspace 2? lolz we shud emale sumtime for fun >.<

 

spam (ignore me)

 

lolololololololololololololololololol

 

Copy pasta, no thanks.

 

rofl wow, did u really need to post that?

 

Is blupig still a banana?

 

I laughed very hard.

 

lolololol

 

Heckuhspammershere

 

lmfao

 

Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...cause I can."

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ololol. So random.