The root of my depression has been the cure of the same.
So let me tell you a little bit of the problems i've dealt with in the past
Self-doubt. Future is abstract and my mind has always been calculative. Failing was a fear until I did. Thereafter it was a fear of putting efforts and not getting the desired result.
Self-pity. I have had been into it many times. I would pity my situation of having everything needed to lead a normal life still going bonkers of petty things. Look at happy girls and pity my situation.
Depressing period. The summers were coldest for me. When the blazing sun, burned the earth in the afternoon, I would curl myself up in a blanket with fans off. Sometimes I would be sleeping the whole day to get up and sleep again. Hunger was deceptive. Sometimes I would be hungry like I had been homeless for the entire life and somedays, an entire day could be passed without having a single crumb.
Self-harm. Finally. The weight of the anxiety, guilt, was weighing too much on my head and to distract myself this happened to be the dangerously alluring way out.
Suicidal thought. I remember staring at the train zooming into the platform and thinking how would it be like just jumping off and ending it for once and for all. Finding an effective way to die peacefully. IF taking sleeping pills would work? How bad I wanted to peacefully sleep and never wake up.
What keeps me going?
Three very important lines kept me going and keeps me going.
I hope this helps someone in need of desperate help!
So let me tell you a little bit of the problems i've dealt with in the past
Self-doubt. Future is abstract and my mind has always been calculative. Failing was a fear until I did. Thereafter it was a fear of putting efforts and not getting the desired result.
Self-pity. I have had been into it many times. I would pity my situation of having everything needed to lead a normal life still going bonkers of petty things. Look at happy girls and pity my situation.
Depressing period. The summers were coldest for me. When the blazing sun, burned the earth in the afternoon, I would curl myself up in a blanket with fans off. Sometimes I would be sleeping the whole day to get up and sleep again. Hunger was deceptive. Sometimes I would be hungry like I had been homeless for the entire life and somedays, an entire day could be passed without having a single crumb.
Self-harm. Finally. The weight of the anxiety, guilt, was weighing too much on my head and to distract myself this happened to be the dangerously alluring way out.
Suicidal thought. I remember staring at the train zooming into the platform and thinking how would it be like just jumping off and ending it for once and for all. Finding an effective way to die peacefully. IF taking sleeping pills would work? How bad I wanted to peacefully sleep and never wake up.
What keeps me going?
Three very important lines kept me going and keeps me going.
- How worse could it go now? I have failed. I have hurt myself. I have failed relationships. I have done nothing too substantial to boast about. I wanted to die but I a still here. Now what?
- I did not choose this life for me. I am still not there where I have wanted myself to be in.
- No one will believe in my struggle until I succeed in life.
I hope this helps someone in need of desperate help!
