Tricky Situation with the loml

I wouldn't do it and just wait

 

just reading your posts @BRyder you have to be the single most dumbest person on this planet. and I say that from my heart. it's amazing the people in the world blinded by what they think is "Love". Enjoy your life, and if what you think is hapiness you find with this girl. run with it.

 

Okay, you have zero reason to back up this "claim", so explain how I'm exactly dumb? I must be pretty smart to have the money I have and be in college.

 

I offered to pay her back, but like when we were younger, she wouldn't take any money from me, nor still will.

 

Personal support or not. Nobody has the right to say some of the things people are saying in this thread to you.

Life is all about living and making good and bad choices, give it a bit of time, if it looks like there may be an opportunity, then take it! If not, it's not gonna be the end of the world.(from what I'd do from a few of my own regrets, I'm only trying to more say my experiences than try and offer advice as nothing anyone says on here should affect your decisions)

Spoiler: My experience so far

This went on a bit long sorry and has a lot of mentioning of kids lol.

I've always been a good guy, I've not taken some opportunitys and I've looked back and thought what if I took the opportunity, I wouldn't always sit in regret and wonder.

I come from a background of a poor family, my dad is ill and my mum can't keep hold of money, when I met my girlfriend, she still lived with her ex (as friends) and I worked a full time laboring job, two part time jobs and had a commitment of taking my little brother to school everyday and still made time to see her and stay with her. Years down the line, we live together, have two kids together, I'm graduating from uni next year and the long term plans come into play.

It was completely spontaneous at first I knew her for a long time when I dated other girls when I was younger etc and same with her. We instantly clicked, it was different than what we both had with others.

I'm only 23. I'm still young, and I'll make a few mistakes along the way. But at the end of the day, I was supposed to be DJing in ibiza the same weekend my daughter was born. And my time I spent at college, landing a job as a club DJ a week turning 18 and having a whole bunch of commitments no longered mattered to me.

Yeah I'm in love and it's not the be all and end all if it ever fucks up either, it's not as fun as it all feels at the beginning, but that's being with somebody and seeing them at their worst and still making things work both sides. Take a few risks in life too and what I'm trying to say is, nothing really matters. Love isn't the same thing for me as I thought it was when I was into a girl back before I had kids).

Noticed how I've hardly dabbled on the subject of money, because once again, it's not important, it's a luxury. But not necessarily the key to being happy.

Happy to me is knowing I'll be getting a first degree in net and sec next year and working on buying a house because of my kids changing my focus in life, my career, and making me think long term. I got a beautiful girlfriend who is my partner in crime, and beautiful children who won't sleep at night without me cuddling them too sleep. I'll never be rich either I doubt, but if I make £1 or £1,000 a day it does not affect my mindset because I have no reason to be unhappy with everything I had, and the chances of it happening were most likely - 5% but it all worked out.

Tldr: Don't listen to what anyone else says, family friends sythe or even this girl. You know what you want to pursue and if not then it will come, it won't always be clear but if it's meant to be it's meant to be, if not it won't kill you, you'll probably take a few risks on a rebound and that'll add into living life. How I see things anyway, don't know if was any help but fuck it life is too short

 

If you've been this "intelligent" from a young age, you might not want to stop doing what you are doing. The likelihood that she is attracted to your status is very high, and quitting your job for her will make her lose interest in the long run. Just a tip.

 

at the end of the day if she really did like you she wouldnt still be with her boyfriend now , i think shes only saying these things to you to not hurt your feelings

 

I was thinking the exact same thing.

If you are this close to someone for that amount of time, there is no chance that they would get together with someone else, let alone stay with them for 3 years.

 

"Quitting my job", the thing is, i'm self employed, I could sell my company I own for a hefty amount that I could live comfortably for the rest of my life, so even if we wouldn't get together, no harm done.

She wouldn't though, that's the thing, she is with her boyfriend until she pays him back.

Over the past 3 years, since she moved we faded. We talk occasionally now, and she moved across the country, why would she not get with someone else if I live 2k+ miles away.,

You sir, are actually one of the good ones instead of the other fucks that are saying shit, what you said actually makes sense and helps.

 

Well it seems you are blinded by your love for her rather than thinking logically , do you really think a woman will stay with a man she didn't like just until she pays him back? Why doesn't she leave him then pay him back later. Come on man think to yourself. I honestly believe she is just saying these things to not hurt a childhood friends feelings.(you)

 

I believe she is doing that until she pays him back, it'll be weird if she just leaves "Says" she's gonna pay him back and move 150 miles away or 2000 miles away. He would never think he'd get paid back then and she has better morals than that. I'd rather be happy and take this chance than worry about a job I don't need.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. I think it would work really good with you two as you both know what you want.

 

Definitely think it over man, Finish up school in Florida and just be close friends with her for now. After college if you are both still very attached then possibly make a move, yet all of those moves are very big life decisions and you don't want to make any regrets just for one girl. So think it through and make the decision you think is best. Good luck for the future with her.

 

I've learned in situations like this don't go with the heart. Make an ultimatum be like i'll be here in x months if you are serious after the rent is paid or whatever, find me. Then leave it there. But ya thats how i would handle it man. Best of luck to you brother.

 

I just want to preface this off by saying don't let all these negative posts get to you, but I'm going to add another.

If she's still living with him there's always something to consider about her falling back in love with him. If she's still living with him (Only read OP and some of the posts not sure about her living situation) and he's that controlling, he's bound to find out in the 4-5 months that she's texting you. If she's at the point in a relationship where's he's considering controlling and she doesn't have the freedom to text you, it could go bad.

If you wanted to do something you could rent out a small apartment for her and say that your internship gave it to your and that you're staying somewhere else, she needs somewhere else, SAFE, to live while she's paying him back. Alternatively you could try to talk her into some sort of very basic loan. like 1% interest, that way you're not giving her the money, and she can keep her pride intact.

" Also, her boyfriend is very controlling and in that case, we can only text like 2-3 times a week right now so he can't find out right now or she'll probably get kicked out of their apartment."

In a normal relationship I would suggest she tells him that hey, im just not that into you anymore, its not you it's me etc.

I don't know enough about the specifics but make sure she's not gonna end up a statistic.

 

As multiple people have mentioned this already,
You should do what YOU want and what your heart wants. If it's going to take you moving across the country for you to be with her so be it.
You mentioned that she wants to be with you for who YOU are and not for your wealth. Then that should show you that she actually loves you and isn't after your $.
Don't feel bad that she currently has a boyfriend either and shes leaving him for you, because again that's HER decision and not yours. You're not forcing her into something with you at all so you shouldn't feel like you're doing something wrong.
I really hope it works out for you brotha,

Again, do whatever YOU think is right. I'm sure you won't go wrong with your decision. Best of luck <3

 

Well uhm, little update:
Her boyfriend owns a weed dispensary in CA. They went to Arizona to get weed (For whatever reason). They are now arrested on possession of weed.

Sooooo I haven't talked to her in 5 months, and it's been over but now it's OVER over

 

Oh that is not good! Wish you the best man, don't fret over this, she made her own decisions. You'll find someone man

 

Okay well, another little update. Explained itall to @Artur

Since getting arrested, she is now home, and she messaged me the other day out of the blue. We've been talking ever since and she said after this whole legal bs is over, she's going to be with me. She also reassured that she does appreciate how i've always been here for her and she loves me.

So, now, what do I do? Do I continue it or try and fade away? I love this woman but sometimes things just need to be done the wrong way... My heart is telling me to go for it but at the same time, I'm thinking I could just get hurt again.

 

Hey, happy to hear things (may have) improved for you given this new news. Why do you think she wants to be with you? Is it cause she needs your help so she can get back on her feet? Is it another reason? I don't mean to offend you, but just make sure you think about WHY she is randomly messaging you out of the blue. It may be that she does indeed love you, and I hope that's the case, but you never know someone's true intentions. Good luck!