Your best joke thread!

Welcome to your best joke thread.

Please one joke per person; to avoid too many repeats.
I will make a hall of fame for the best jokes, any rude or unnescary jokes will be reported as spam (eg. I know a joke, women's rights.)​

My joke,

One day there was a racoon and a bear in the woods; they stumbeled upon a genie lamp. The genie popped out of the lantern and said " I will grant you three wishes" And gave the animals the ability to speak.

The bear spoke first, " I have never really been good with women, So I wish I was the only male bear in these woods." and his wish was granted.

The raccoon said "Well I like to go around places, so I would like a scooter" and both wishes were granted.


For their second wishes they selected as follows.

Bear: Actually I really need help with women, so Id like to be the only bear in the country.
Racoon: So I've gotta stay safe on my scooter I wish for a helmet.

During this time the racoon noticed the the bear's selfishness and decided to take some action.

And for their last wishes...

Bear: Do you know what? I wish I was the only male bear in the world.
Racoon: I wish that bear becomes gay.

Hall of fame:​

 

This thread

 

Yikes Tyler.

 

Savage.
Quality thread 10/10

 

Glad to see this thread from 2011 taking off finally.

 

2 fish in a tank one says to the other how do you drive this thing.

Shit tiny jokes amuse me the most and all my jokes are dark humour so telling them would offend people!

 

@veng walks into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, "hey, why the long hijab?"

 

How does Moses, make his tea ?

Hebrew's it.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

Why did she go to the other side? To go to the bar.

Why did she go to the bar? To go to the toilet.

Why did she go to the toilet? Because that's where all the cocks hang out.

 

aaaanddd LIFT OFFFF

 

How high is the grass in Germany?

 

What's black and white and red all over?

A nun with a strawberry jam habit.

 

Please do not gravedig old threads.