Official Jokes Thread

Omg, no one takes these real serious!! HAHA!!
HERE IS 100 OF Them, ENJOY!

-Yo Momma so old when she saw Jurassic park it brought back memories
-Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
-Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number
-Yo momma so old her social security number is 1
-Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
-Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
-Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks
-Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook
-Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
-Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
-Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
-Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
-Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
-Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
-Yo momma so old when she reads the bible she reminisces
-Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
-Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
-Yo momma so old she was Jesus Wet Nurse
-Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang
-Yo momma so old even God calls her mother
-Yo momma's so fat that when she goes swimming she has to watch out for torpedoes
-Yo momma so fat that she broke a branch on the family tree
-yo mama's so fat she was standing on a street corner and a cop ran up and told her to break it up.
-Yo mamma so fat she jumped in the ocean and the whales started signing "We are Family"
-Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up
-Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
-Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
-Yo momma so fat we're in her right now
-Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
-Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
-Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
-Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off her...
-Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world
-Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling "Free Willy"
-Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop
-Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions
-Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay"
-Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi"
-Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
-Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
-Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her
-Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
-Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
-Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
-Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
-Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn"
-Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE
-Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
-Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
-Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
-Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
-Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs
-Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code
-Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon
-Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved
-Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her
-Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in
-Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
-Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
-Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction
-Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk - white chunky
-Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side
-Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections
-Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER
-Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
-Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball
-Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun
-Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell
-Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck
-Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book
-Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views
-Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family
-Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil
-Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon
-Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in
-Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips
-Yo momma so fatHer belly button's got an echo.
-Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks
-Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand
-Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper
-Yo momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
-Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out
-Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights
-Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car
-Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out
-Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans
-Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu
-Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
-Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
-Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
-Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
-Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.
-Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
-Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
-Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
-Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
-Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
-Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
-Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
-Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
-Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
-Yo momma so fat that she can't tie her own shoes.
-Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
-Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
-Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back
-Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
-Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
-Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
-Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
-Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
-Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
-Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
-Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
-Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
-Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow
-Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide
-Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
-Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts
-Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
-Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship
-Yo momma so fat she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth
-Yo momma so fat to her "light food" means under 4 Tons
-Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals
-Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ
-Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development
-Yo momma so fat she won "Miss Bessie the Cow 94"
-Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans

-Yo momma so poor I saw her walking down the street with one shoe and said "You lost a shoe,"and she said "No, I found one."
-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r.
-Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention
-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush
-Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers
-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING"
-Yo Momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
-Yo Momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
-Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.
-Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps
-Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
-Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.
-Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
-Yo Momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money
-Yo Momma so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard
Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe? Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop
-Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.
-Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner"
-Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."
-Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me tried to take my wallet

-Yo momma so stupid she needs a receipe to make ice cubes.
-Yo momma so stupid she stole a car and kept up the payments.
-Yo Momma so stupid she locked herself in the bathroom and wet her pants.
-Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
-Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
-Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
-Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
-Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a spoon
-Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ
-Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved
-Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put MM's in alphabetical order
-Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone
-Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money
-Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund
-Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
-Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
-Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
-Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
-Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
-Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
-Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
-Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
-Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
-Yo momma so dumb she sits on TV watches the couch
-Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
-Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
-Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
-Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
-Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean
-Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds
-Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch
-Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
-Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
-Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
-Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
-Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
-Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
-Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
-Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
-Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
-Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.
-Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course
-Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
-Yo momma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book
-Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.
-Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.
-Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus
-Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg
-Yo momma so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
-Yo momma so stupid She has to ask for help to use hamburger helper
-Yo momma so stupid She went to disneyworld and saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so she went home.
-Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "Guess" so she said "Levi's"

-Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
-Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
-Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
-Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
-Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her -shower
-Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
-Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
-Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
-Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
-Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
-Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
-Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
-Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
-Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
-Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
-Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote
-Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out
-Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested
-Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her
-Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her
-Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone
-Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
-Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone
-Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
-Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
-Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
-Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
-Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
-Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

 

Your mums so fat

 

she died.

 

best pick up line

-are you a mop becuse i just pissed on the floor!

 

LMFAO

Another pickup line:
Can I borrow your phone number? I lost mine...

 

How about, "I lost my teddy bear, will you cuddle with me?"

 

here is good one. Your mom is like a school bus, people stop when they see her flashing.
Your mom is like a balloon 25 cent a blow. I made these all by myself credits go to me.

 

Oh look, I found a joke.

 

I work in Walmart

 

HAHAHAHA AMGZZZ!!!! THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!

 

watever

 

lololololol

 

heres one i found when i was bored


So president Bush and his cabinet are just finishing up a meeting when one of the members says

Member - "3 Brazilian soldiers died this morning"

Bush - "Oh dear god, you have got to be kidding me"

so Bush starts running around freaking out then finally asks everyone

Bush - "How many is a brazilian?"

 

ur dad

 

your moms sooooo fat when i fucked her i fell in a hole

 

Hey, hey! Wanna hear a joke?


...Women's rights.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Racist joke..Look below if you wanna see



































What do you call a black man at the bottom of the ocean?

Pollution

What do you call all the black people at the bottom of the ocean?

The Solution

 

RSIT JOKES LOLOLOLOLO








































What do you say to a black Jewish man?
JEW BACK IN THE OVEN!

Yo mamma's teeth are so black I thought a robbery was going down.

 

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah

very good if oyu made that one,, little racist but its ok

 

Hey...this is a kind of funny joke.

David beckham is on 'who wants to be a millionare' he is on £100, and has used two lifelines, and he's stuck on the last question, so he decides to phone his friend 'Goerge Bush'.

Conversation on the phone:

'Hi Goerge, it's Beckham, listen i'm stuck on a question and im hoping you can help me, 'who is the president of the United States?' and clues?


Oh and heres another 1 that i actually did:

I put my hand up in class the other day and i asked the teacher 'miss, will i get punished for something i didnt do?'

She replied 'of course not'

I said, 'well....thats good...because i didnt do my homework'


More coming soon