Corrupt a wish

You're in the space of someone's crack

I wish I could get any woman I wanted

 

Was a shemale.

Still wish I was in space.

 

Your suit leaks and you die.

I wish I was famous

 

Famous for juggling dongs.

I wish i was famous for juggling dongs.

 

Famous for being the worst dong juggler.

I wish I was the best dong juggler.

 

Accidentally chokes on dong.

I wish I could talk to animals.

 

The above poster was granted the ability to talk to animals, but he accidentally offended a bear and was mauled to death.

I wish I had a gas powered stick.

 

Did someone say gasoline? You're busy walking around with your stick, and suddenly (bang bang), someone who was trying to light their cigarette trips on a banana peel; doesn't fall but stumbles across the sidewalk and bumps into you, accidentally putting their flame in contact with your stick. The next seconds of your miserable life are succeeded by a dim explosion that obliterates you, your stick, and the poor man who tripped on that banana peel.

I wish I had an ability to turn invisible/visible (a toggle, if you will), at any time I please.

 

Every time you toggle, you lose a year off your life span.

I wish I had three oddly shaped penises, anywhere on my body.

 

Granted, but you're now short one limb and have three oddly shaped penises in their places.

I wish Mila Kunis was my wife.

 

She becomes your wife, but you're unaware that she has HIV until after you have unprotected sex several times.

I wish I had infinite wishes.

 

But the only thing you could wish for is herpes. Infinite herpes.


I wish I never had to shave.

 

Your body loses all capability of growing collagen (hair), and you remain bald and hairless for the rest of your life. Not only that, but your fingernails fall off because they're also made of collagen.

I wish I had the world's greatest piano skills

 

Granted, but you have to play with your dick, and it's extremely painful because you have gonorrhea.

I wish I could read minds.

 

Granted, you can read minds 24/7 but they're of dirty old men that seek out little boys causing you to lose sleep and confused.

I wish I had a maid named Consuela.

 

Granted, but all she ever says is "need more lemon pledge" and "no... no... no..."

I wish I was overlord of planet earth

 

Granted, but you only receive the title after the planet is destroyed by global warming.


I wish I were white

 

You are a whiteout.

I wish I could fly.

 

You could fly, but only once.

 

I wish that Stickly had remembered to make a wish.