Relationship Help

My wife says since I got out of jail I act cold and less affectionate.

She says I only act affectionate anymore when I want sex. I know this isn't true because I can recall being affectionate a lot of the time. Kisses, hugs, cuddling, making her food, getting her drinks, foot rubs, neck massages, and just a big list of things I do as often as I can. And I do all of these things without her asking, I do it out of affection and love to keep her happy.

I admit with all of the stress of the shit I'm going through, I have a little bit of a short fuse and I know I can be withdrawn and seem "far away" sometimes, but a lot of that has to do with her not wanting to be involved with these problems in my life. I can't help that. I'm stressed to a point that I've felt suicidal once or twice since I got out of jail, my body doesn't even work like it should. I'm losing weight, my hairs falling out worse than a shedding dog and I haven't had a solid shit since before I went to jail, nothing but water spewing out of my ass. I'm seriously starting to feel like a 80 year old man and I'm just 21. I always feel exhausted and out of breath. I get bad chest pains and bad migraines that I never had before.

She doesn't want to deal with it with me. She says she pretends these problems just don't exist. In her mind I never went to jail, I never had court and I'm not on probation risking prison if somehow this job I'm starting soon doesn't work out. She even refuses to talk about it with me. Her reason for not caring? The whole thing is about child support. Because I had a kid with a woman over a year before meeting her, she don't want to help me keep the boat afloat. Just because I slept with someone, who I wish I never have, who I hate with a passion, she expects me to be the only one trying to keep me AND her above the water.

I've told her she needs to start being more involved in my life or we're going to fall apart and she says shes tried and just can't. We've started fighting more often, usually about stupid shit.

I'm starting to feel like a little bit of support from my wife is to much to ask, and if it gets all the way to that point, where does that leave us? What do I do to fix this? How can I convince her to stand by me?

She vowed in the names of our gods to love and stand at my side through good times, bad times, life and death. In the kind of life the American economy and the kind of life this area offers, I highly doubt this will be the biggest problem we ever have, in fact, me going to jail and getting 5 years probation for not having a job might just be the EASIEST problem we'll have in our lives. How can i expect her to stay true to those vows during even harder times if she can't do so now?

I've been arrested before. When I was a minor I got arrested for a few assaults, and was locked up for awhile on a terrorism charge that was dropped due to no evidence (it was a 'he said she said' kind of trial so it was dropped) and last year I was arrested for possession of marijuana, but I've never looked at more than just jail time. This'll be the first time I'm shipped off to prison the first time I fuck up within 5 years. I'm not exactly an "alcoholic" but I'm somewhat used to drinking a lot and smoking weed pretty often. Now if I so much as take 1 sip of beer and get piss tested within 7 days, violation of probation, straight to prison for the remaining time. I'm struggling every day not to walk down to the store and get a bottle of mead or beer. There's so many things that makes all of this harder on me than I thought it would be, but I know if I had just a little bit of support from her, it'd be twice as easy.


Back on track, she's never been like this before. When I was arrested for pot, she was right beside me the whole way. Like I said, the only reason she's being this way is because it's over having a kid with someone else. I never get to see the kid, I've met my child only a couple of times in her life. She has no reason to be jealous, she knows my feelings are only for her, yet she still refuses to be there for me when it comes to anything to do with my ex or our kid.

 

Some people grow apart, that's the way the world works.

The only suggestion we can give you would be to do some spontaneous things that would catch her off guard.

There is honestly no good advice in this situation, you've been together long enough to get married and essentially that's the last chapter of the relationship, from there on you're main goal is to keep her satisfied. If she no longer is these nothing you can do.

Perhaps some married people can give you better advice than i can.

Try consoling if all fails.

I hope you can find what you once had together.

 

This is just from my point of view since I don't really know you.

Have you tried asking her what she really wants from you? Women, myself included, tend to not be straight forward about their feelings. From what I read, she seems to have a hard time adjusting to your new life style due to your stint in prison. Maybe she is trying to stay distant from you because she thinks she is trying to help you. Possibly she is trying to not be your stresser when in fact she is causing you the most stress.

Have you two attempted to talk it out in a calm manner or do you always end up bickering?

Whatever is going on here seems to need more of a professional level of help than just one on one. Seems there may be some disconnections that need to be fixed before proceeding further. Might I suggest you take a few days for yourself to get your head clear and maybe try talking then.

Its hard to give advice when you are dealing with an unknown factor. I wish you the best of luck with your problems and I really hope you two can patch things up. I am recently a newlywed and I know how hard it can be some times. Chin up and give it some time because as they say "Time heals!"

 

This has all just taken place in the past few months. I met with my probation officer for the first time today and she told me this place don't hire people that are supervised probation, but at once my crime isn't a violent or drug related crime they might hire me, and they already wasted the money to give me drug screening, so I still have my hopes up high. I think if I get this job and can pay the payments monthly and I stay out of prison, it'll all go back to normal.

The problem is, she's not willing to stand beside me because it involves my ex and our kid. She knew I had a kid the day we met, she knew it was part of the package, it's not until over 2 years later she refuses to talk about or acknowledge that I have a child or my child's mother exists.

Sometimes we can talk, sometimes it turns to fighting. It's about a 50/50. We've talked about it, and it always goes to the same conclusion. She don't want to talk about anything that has to do with my ex or kid and thats the end of it. Me possibly going to prison, me being in jail, is because of child support and not being able to pay it (not being ABLE not just not wanting to) and therefore, she refuses to speak of it or try to make me feel better.

If there is a reason I seem withdrawn or cold, it is because of her attitude about it. Refusing to talk about the problems I'm facing also involves not trying to make me feel better about them. In turn, I KNOW I can't go to her for help or advice or comfort because if I mention it, she gets a bad attitude and if I try to keep talking about that subject, it turns into a big fight.

 

Hmm. So this seems to stem from your previous life before her. I have a feeling that she is either jealous of this other woman/child or she is just having trouble processing it.

Was she aware of the child before marrying you? [I just want to clarify]

 

Yes. We talked for awhile before we even started dating and I told her even back then that I had a kid.

 

Well, if that's the case, she knew what she was getting into when you two exchanged vows.

I would tell her flat out that your marriage is a partnership where equal work should be put in. If she doesn't accept this and avoids the conversation, I would say that you two need some time apart. It almost sounds like she has emotionally detached herself from you which is in turn ruining your relationship.

 

That might be just what I need. But IDK, I've gone so long with her, that I feel completely lost when she isn't around.


EDIT: she left.

 

Well since she left...

What a bitch. Move on from that. I'm sorry. Sympathy goes out to you bro.

 

I can't just move on. I vowed to the gods even if something were to happen, if she were to die or leave, I'd never find another. Honor and vows mean something to me, unlike 90% of the world. That's something that really sets me apart from everyone else around here. If I make a promise or a vow, to anyone, especially the gods, it is not broken unless it is 100% impossible not to.

All I can really do at this point is wait to see if she comes back. And if not, refuse to sign the divorce papers, then it'll go to court, the judge will divorce us and I can go back to a life of sex without emotions. That kind of life was a lot easier, not as fulfilling, but easier. Not sure how much fun it'll be until this probation ends and I can go back to smokin pot and drinkin though.

 

-.-

That was not the response I was hoping to hear. I am terribly sorry that she left you :/

All I can say now is to proceed how you stated above. But don't drive yourself crazy waiting for her to come back.

Side note: I find Odin to be fascinating as I tend to take a more Agnostic view.

 

If she'll come back, it won't be long before she does. If she doesn't I'll just live to serve the gods.

Something else to find fascinating, even if Odin wasn't a god, he did exist. The primitive barbarians who worshiped him had a better understanding of the universe and life on other planets than the Greeks did with their early telescopes and science. How? Well according to old texts, Odin came down from the sky, from Asgard, and told them all about it. How else would primitive civilizations know more than advanced ones? God or Alien I can't say for fact, but I consider him to be what he claimed, a god. Also many of the texts translate Asgard and the other worlds where creatures live as "planes" but is my own personal belief that they were other planets. Recently 2 planets in a nearby solar system that are believed to possibly hold life were discovered. Possibly Asgard and Vanaheim?

Most of the world is based on Odinism. The days of the week were named after the gods. Wednesday being named after Odin himself (Wodan) and the original christmas that most people say was a pagan holiday also came from Odinism. The norsemen celebrated from the 20th - 31st of december for the new year. Baldur (and later Jesus) was reborn during this holiday. As Odin rode across the sky on his 8 legged horse, leading the 'wild hunt', German AND Norse children would fill their boots with hay and sugar for Sleipnir (the 8 legged horse) and in return, Odin would leave them a gift for their kindness. Which as you can imagine, the grey-beared Odin eventually became the white-beared Santa Claus, the name "father Christmas" actually comes from Odin's name, "All Father".

Sorry to fill this thread with religious information, but it helps me clear my mind of dark times.

 

I'm going to have to disagree with zigs method, I honestly feel like you need to start acting like a man. Look you don't sound perfect but when it comes to the relationship you sound like you believe you are putting in allot of effort, everyone has their bad days and everyone had their good days, you getting short fused and distant is just your way of dealing with shit. I say keep being the guy you know you are, but stop letting your partner run the show. Man up, it sounds like you have allot of feelings and if she doesn't want to sit there and listen then you need to harden the fuck up and find someone who can appreciate the good type of human being you can be. You say you've gone to jail a few times but that's just cause you got caught, allot of people do what you do but no one catches them so it doesn't give anyone any right to look down on you when it's considered a norm. As for your kid man try to be apart of his life bro, that's your blood and that's your DNA, yeah your ex might not of been the right one for you but that kid was made from you, you can do something amazing by working your ass off to give him/her the life you never could of gotten, we are all in this game together bro stop thinking selfishly about what your new misses thinks and start being the person you want to be, but make sure that's a person who your kid can look upto, not just grow up and resent.