Energy!

n4n0 · Apr 17, 2014

Okay, gather around and listen up...

Brew coffee
Let coffee cool
Replace filter and coffee grounds with new filter and new coffee grounds.
Pour first batch of coffee back into the coffee maker.
Brew AGAIN
Lift off

Let me tell you people something. I work nights and needed a way to stay energetic. I finally found the answer...

I just drank "double brewed coffee" and I feel like I can throw an orange at 60 percent the speed of light. Do you realize that if I had a boomerang right now I could kill god, eat his meat, and use his hide to stay warm during those long nights on the savanna? ENERGY. After drinking this special coffee I suddenly find myself triangulating coordinates and shit in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I was a floating head that I'd be able to float directly to the Bermuda triangle without stopping for directions. I have so much energy that I'm now watching half hour long sitcoms in just seconds!

You ever notice that they don't have any type of Karate for German shepherds? If dogs learned to focus their chi, just imagine how screwed we'd be? Well, I wouldn't be screwed, but you most certainly would be. Right now I could probably fight off a giant ghost flamingo made entirely from ninja stars and tasers. In fact, I'm about 85 percent certain that I could mess up a 2003 Nissan Altima, if it were to suddenly become self-aware and hostile towards me. ENERGY.

I have so much energy that I can multitask more stuff right now than your lazy ass will accomplish within the next 4 months. While I type this I'm also filming a remake of "tango and cash", done with puppets. Simultaneously, I'm also updating my match.com profile while dry humping a zebra and skiing.

And guess what? I just squeezed a New York steak with my bare hands and crushed it into individual calories! I am the ghost of Jim Varney and I will haunt you into infinity! I am the one that inspired the "blade" movies and I will triumph! I am the singularity, the way, the light, the man who can turn a normal visit to the zoo into a multiple felony getaway vacation to the andromeda galaxy and I don't take crap from anyone!!

If you want to lay around until you morph into a giant stick of butter and explode, that's your choice. But if you want so much energy that you could morph into a cybernetic plasma cheetah and beat the living sh*t out of the power rangers then I suggest you try "double brewed coffee". ENERGY.

Bogdan · Apr 17, 2014

First!

Sythe · Apr 17, 2014

FINAL DISCLAIMER
This disclaimer does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog: don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; this disclaimer is subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added to this disclaimer upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; this disclaimer is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; Do not remove this tag under penalty of law; Confined Space - Do Not Enter; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity disclaimer; no shoes, no shirt, no bidding; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; this disclaimer may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our guns-for-bid-trade-in plan; you need not be present to bid; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; this disclaimer was packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not bid if safety seal is broken; do not bid while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you use this disclaimer; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue bidding; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; disclaimer contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking this disclaimer may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of this disclaimer; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no electrons were injured in preparing this disclaimer; no animals were used to test this disclaimer; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial colour or flavour added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult an auctioneer; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; this disclaimer is valid only at participating auction sites; slightly higher west of the Kimberlies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized auctioneer; please remain seated until the bidding has come to a complete stop; bidding in the mirror may be more complicated than it appears; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. Finally, if it breaks in halves – you get to KEEP BOTH HALVES! If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

n4n0 · Apr 17, 2014

Sythe said: ↑

FINAL DISCLAIMER
This disclaimer does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog: don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; this disclaimer is subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental; dry clean only; do not bend, fold, or mutilate; anchovies or jalapenos added to this disclaimer upon request; your mileage may vary; no substitutions are allowed; for a limited time only while supplies last; offer void where prohibited; this disclaimer is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; Do not remove this tag under penalty of law; Confined Space - Do Not Enter; user assumes full liabilities; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; equal opportunity disclaimer; no shoes, no shirt, no bidding; caveat emptor; read at your own risk; this disclaimer may contain material some readers find objectionable; parental advisory: explicit lyrics; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask us about our guns-for-bid-trade-in plan; you need not be present to bid; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; this disclaimer was packed full, contents may have settled during mailing; sanitized and sealed for your protection; do not bid if safety seal is broken; do not bid while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment; safety goggles may be required during use; call before you use this disclaimer; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; if a swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops, discontinue bidding; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; disclaimer contents under pressure, may explode if incinerated; smoking this disclaimer may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of this disclaimer; text is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no electrons were injured in preparing this disclaimer; no animals were used to test this disclaimer; no salt, MSG, preservatives, artificial colour or flavour added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult an auctioneer; possible penalties for early withdrawal; one size fits all; this disclaimer is valid only at participating auction sites; slightly higher west of the Kimberlies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; if defects are found, do not try to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized auctioneer; please remain seated until the bidding has come to a complete stop; bidding in the mirror may be more complicated than it appears; this disclaimer does not cover hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, and other Acts of God, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, unauthorized repair, improper installation, misuse, typos, misspelled words, missing or altered signatures, and incidents owing to computer or disk failure, accidental file deletions, or milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking; other restrictions may apply. Finally, if it breaks in halves – you get to KEEP BOTH HALVES! If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.
Click to expand...

Too long; Read it anyways.

Lol'd.

Cas · Apr 17, 2014

tl;dr

bambino_91 · Apr 17, 2014

Cas_M said: ↑

tl;dr
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this please

CEO · Apr 17, 2014

n4n0 needs to share some shine

Trin · Apr 17, 2014

BartonsVodka said: ↑

n4n0 needs to share some shine
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That Apple Pie Shine...mmmm yum.

CEO · Apr 17, 2014

Trin said: ↑

That Apple Pie Shine...mmmm yum.
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hook me up

Wonderland · Apr 17, 2014

tl;dr

God bless whoever read this shit.

XX_PLANKER_xx · Apr 17, 2014

Store at cool temperature, serve chilled.

PowerCapped · Apr 17, 2014

Not sure if I should actually try this or just trolling...

MohtasaUnique · Apr 17, 2014

Double brewed coffee is literally the worse tasting sludge in existance. Better to spend 5 dollars for quad shot expresso or something

Anthony · Apr 17, 2014

You could just buy a whole heap of caffeine pills, that way you could monitor your intake and save time + no mess + no horrible taste.

Shall Skill · Apr 17, 2014

Ghast said: ↑

tl;dr

God bless whoever read this shit.
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^^^^^

YoungBuck- · Apr 17, 2014

tl;dr.

PowerCapped · Apr 17, 2014

MohtasaUnique said: ↑

Double brewed coffee is literally the worse tasting sludge in existance. Better to spend 5 dollars for quad shot expresso or something
Click to expand...

Thanks for the SF General Attorney warning.

OT: I'll stick with cocaine.