Fear of Rejection

[uselesspoop]

Im 16 this year and i've had this fear of rejection for a long time now. I guess this results in my shyness towards strangers and towards people who i view important and superior.

I'm pretty unsure if these are symptoms but :

1. A few years back, i used to be very afraid of borrowing money from others. I was scared they would say no. It's much better now but i still face some difficultly borrowing money from certain people.

2. I am afraid of asking people out. This just includes guys! Sometimes im even afraid to ask my mates out...

3. Im afraid to communicate with the opposite sex in fears of rejection again. I'm scared of them not accepting me. I don't know why!!! This also applies to people i deem important too. I dare not be myself, my true self. And i hate myself for that.

4. I prefer to keep things to myself. I only share them with my parents because i think im pretty close to them. Im scared my friends/teachers won't actually give a damn. I like this though, so its fine.

These are just 3 of the things that affect me most.

Im unsure what has caused this. Perhaps it's the natural shyness i was born with.

I know how to solve it , just get more confidence blah blah blah, go for it...
the problem is i can't put myself to do it. i just do not dare! i read articles and shit, i just don't really dare to.

in year i tried harder and it seems better. im still trying hard, but it really tough.

i need solid advice on how i can take action. also if u even had the same experience can you please share it with me? thank you =(

 

[malakadang]

Mate, if its any help, all people fear rejection on some level.
While yours is a bit more extreme in most cases, it's not entirely abnormal.

The problem I think for you is you basically care too much about how people would perceive you correct? Think about this, when people ask a favor from you, say hello, goodbye, talk to you, does it not feel nice? It is reciprocal. While there will be some people who are just complete assholes, most people are nice when stripped of peer pressure.

 

[SexayMistahBee]

Wouldn't it be better to know that you at least tried out something, than living with the regret that you never did?

That's what gives me courage.

 

Well the truth is, some people actually don't give a damn.

People have good times and bad times in their social life, you can't really say it's good or bad as you haven't tried yet.
You need to stop caring and just talk to people, yes some will reject you, but others will not, that is how you find out who are your friends and who are not.

I speak to a lot of people in my work place and I tell them all sorts, some of them actually listen and others don't, so obviously I talk to the ones that listen more and eventually they become my friends.

 

[hoxile]

I use to be shy even to walk up to a counter in mc donalds and order a burger.

It just comes with time, there are always people who will adcept you. Even if others don't. Goodluck.

 

[uselesspoop]

@malakadang

thank you that really makes sense!

@SexayMistahBee

The start of this year i kept telling myself that life is short, and never live in regrets. But i guess the fear just overcomes it. It did though, add to my courage, thank you.

@Shoopadoop

that really did help!!

@hoxile

Yeah lol! I used to be that too, but now im much better.

 

[Hayd3nrox]

Hey useless. I've never been a shy one, but I have had problems asking people for money etc... the way I would do it is hint that I am in need and they usually just offer to help. Don't count on it, but it will make you feel less guilty.

 

[JohnK]

There's nothing worse than dwelling on "what if"s for the rest of your life. Just throw yourself out there, atleast you can say you tried... and who knows what could it could lead to.

 

[Rejection]

Ignore my name.

You should really just get yourself out there, because if you get rejected, who cares- You are embarrased for say.. the rest of the day.. and then you continue with your life. It really shouldn't affect you that much, because you can either Get somewhere, Be Rejected trying or have no life sitting inside your own mind.

Just try your best, as you may find that many people, like the opposite sex, find your personality exactly how they like it, and you will be in a better situation than before.

 

[uselesspoop]

Okay thank you guys. I feel more confident now and i will try to take action, thanks so much

 

Okay thank you guys. I feel more confident now and i will try to take action, thanks so much

Keep us updated on how things are going

 

[Daymare]

You kind of have to realize that not many people are going to completely shoot you down and talk to people. How many times have you stood there and heard someone's stupid stories for minutes on end thinking 'omg will they ever shut up' and just pretended to not be completely annoyed and were nice to them? Everyone's like that. Most people are going to listen to you and talk back to you not matter what you have to say. Sometimes you'll meet a really uninterested person and they'll be rude to you but it really isn't that bad. I've found out that the fear of rejection is actually worse than rejection itself.

Maybe do some drugs or get drunk and go out, you'll be waaaaay more talkative then.

 

[uselesspoop]

You kind of have to realize that not many people are going to completely shoot you down and talk to people. How many times have you stood there and heard someone's stupid stories for minutes on end thinking 'omg will they ever shut up' and just pretended to not be completely annoyed and were nice to them? Everyone's like that. Most people are going to listen to you and talk back to you not matter what you have to say. Sometimes you'll meet a really uninterested person and they'll be rude to you but it really isn't that bad. I've found out that the fear of rejection is actually worse than rejection itself.

Maybe do some drugs or get drunk and go out, you'll be waaaaay more talkative then.

That is very true lol. Many times people im not very close with will start to blabber dumb stories and i just listen attentively. Very true!

thanks bro

 

[Coinshare]

I remember I was exactly like this.

I used to be so shy that I'd never ask to borrow anything.
Whenever I played Xbox live I would never talk with my mic, only to my real life friends.

How did this stop happening?
Well I used to be SUPER shy when I was around girls, I gradually started talking to them if they sat near me at school. It eventually went away. I told myself that if I couldn't make small talk with any girl thn I wasn't going to get one for a really long time.

Don't be afraid of rejection, it will happen sooner or later and it's only a microscopic setback compared to other things you'll do later in life.
Good luck

 

[Deacon Frost]

I know how to solve it , just get more confidence blah blah blah, go for it...
the problem is i can't put myself to do it. i just do not dare! i read articles and shit, i just don't really dare to.

I don't think you really grasp what true confidence is.

I used to be one of the most... private... people because of my shyness. I had issues so much as going outside for a walk because there were people. When I did have to walk around people, I had a stride in my step because I feared mis-stepping and everyone mocking me.

When I hit 19, or around there, I began my stage of nihilism. Something that has helped me out greatly. If I fuck up, do something embarrassing, or anything like that... I just remember to myself that not one fucking thing in this world matters. And all my fears wash away.

I'm not saying that's what you need, but that's where confidence comes from... From a belief that takes a second to remember, and can change your entire attitude. If you enter a room with the feeling that everyone is watching you, and the fear that you're going to make a mistake, then you're most likely going to find yourself in that scenario.

However, if you enter a room with the belief that you're a god, and that anyone who tries to touch you will instantly be struck down by a bolt of lightening... Well, I wouldn't hold my breath on that... but you'll notice that people will avoid you then and are less likely to approach you.

If you've ever had a job, they tell you to smile, and be happy. These things make you approachable. If you study it long enough, you realize people can pick up on how you're feeling, and will ultimately react to you based on your current emotions. It's an interesting sense we have, but subconsciously we're all observant.

You may not realize it, but you being shy is only making it worse on you. You're hurting yourself by not asserting at least some authority. Try getting into a debate, or disagreement with someone about something you're passionate about. Don't let them win the argument, even if they prove you dead wrong, keep fighting for what you believe to be true. This will give you confidence, it will help you stand up for yourself, and even if you lose the debate horribly... never admit it.

Stop reading books on how to build confidence, stop asking us on the forums what you need to do... you already said you know what you need to do. If you keep saying you're scared, then it's never going to work. Stop being a pussy, and just fuckin do it dude . Rejection is natural, but as long as you don't take no for an answer... you'll never have to feel rejected.

 

[uselesspoop]

@Coinshare

about the mic thing, yeh its so fucking true and weird. i went on skype once with people i didn't really know well for a game of DotA and the whole time i hardly dared to talk . thanks man.

@deacon frost

thank you so fucking much

mods i think the thread's done now if u wish to lock it feel free, i gotten great advice already and i will try my very best to follow it and take action. thanks guys. really. thank you.

 

[drainingpower]

I had rejection issues, and still probably do, since I've been pushed away by girls and I don't know why, everyone says I look good, dress good, and all this other stuff, I'm not going to lie, I have decent looks, however girls don't really care about looks so it seems, my personality is ok, excluding some bad habits. But also some of my friends are cockblocks, like literally, let me give you an example today, I'm in a psychology course, and I coughed really bad, and my friend said loudly, quit smoking cigarettes, and obviously I had to deny it, ant then he like straight out had evidence against me that I couldn't deny, and this girl I was REALLY interested in and I'm pretty sure she was interested in me also, and once he mentioned that, on the corner of my eye I notice her look up, which made me really embarrassed, not only that but I've been off cigs for weeks now as I'm trying to quit. So yeah. I don't know if I really sidetracked, but that is the situation for me, my friends cockblock me, which leads to being pushed away by the girls I'm trying to go for, and then later on I get a fear of rejection after they stop talking to me or give one word responses, and yeah, but whatev.

 

[uselesspoop]

I had rejection issues, and still probably do, since I've been pushed away by girls and I don't know why, everyone says I look good, dress good, and all this other stuff, I'm not going to lie, I have decent looks, however girls don't really care about looks so it seems, my personality is ok, excluding some bad habits. But also some of my friends are cockblocks, like literally, let me give you an example today, I'm in a psychology course, and I coughed really bad, and my friend said loudly, quit smoking cigarettes, and obviously I had to deny it, ant then he like straight out had evidence against me that I couldn't deny, and this girl I was REALLY interested in and I'm pretty sure she was interested in me also, and once he mentioned that, on the corner of my eye I notice her look up, which made me really embarrassed, not only that but I've been off cigs for weeks now as I'm trying to quit. So yeah. I don't know if I really sidetracked, but that is the situation for me, my friends cockblock me, which leads to being pushed away by the girls I'm trying to go for, and then later on I get a fear of rejection after they stop talking to me or give one word responses, and yeah, but whatev.

Hey don't be affected by it man. Read what the others say. we can do it !

 

[Snow Patrol]

Just keep building up your self-confidence and self-esteem, I always say go for it because you only have one life to live

 

[drainingpower]

Hey don't be affected by it man. Read what the others say. we can do it !

=-) at least I'm not the only one.