Withdrawals

Please do not post unless you have ACTUAL experience.
I've become very dependent to alprazolam(xanax) I believe my dosages were fine, but unfortunately I got arrested without a current prescription and now am having to stay clean, I cannot smoke or do anything for my anxiety.
I've been working out and trying to keep busy but its just not working, I've fucking wrote and rewrote this about 50x.
for some reasons that are out of my control the court will not allow me to receive a prescription until after the case is closed; convicted or not, but I'm wanting it to be dismissed because if it stays on my record my chances of getting into law school are zero to none, and due to this I cannot take a plea and check my self into a facility because I would not be able to call my bonding company or show up to court.
any advice would be great, but keeping myself busy is just making me angry/upset at life and I'm becoming very aggressive(I'm obviously dependent if not addicted, I believe there is a difference, bc if I had some weed I'd be fine but i'd still want the alprazolam) , and sleeping and watching netflix is making me extremely depressed.
I've got no appetite, but feel really light headed if I dont eat, If I eat and dont sleep(literally lay down and close my eyes until I sleep due to boredom I WILL throw up).
This feels like complete shit, I've tried yoga, I've tried listening to symphony's, relaxing piano music, I've tried taking a bath, I've tried ibuprofen, I've tried punching a pillow, I've tried screaming my anger out, I've tried running until I'm exhausted.
I've got the support from my family, and friends but obviously they have a life and can't be by my side at all times, and I'm done bitching, but FUCK! the light at the end of the tunnel is the lighter in my hand that I want to use to light a blunt. (I don't smoke cigarettes and doubt that starting a different addiction will help)

 

Hi g3722, i'm sorry to hear about the hard times you're going through. Just know, before it gets better it usually gets worse & everything is temporary.. even life itself. Since you're not seeking any further addictions to overcome the current one you suffer from now. Just try to keep some sort of positive energy flowing through your body, staying busy is literally the number 1 solution to overcome an addiction without slowly allowing yourself to lower dosages or picking up another addiction in the process. Just always remain positive, even if it's just a small amount of positive energy. For example, writing this had to of relieved some sort of stress off of your shoulders by simply allowing others to post opinions on your addiction. You sense some sort of hope by posting this that it will help you overcome your addiction & if you let it, it will.. So perhaps pick up writing to relieve stress to substitute the anxiety medicine mentally instead of physically. Remember there is always hope, you have control of your body. You just have to have self control of your mind. I'm a user myself, of a variety of drugs but I budget myself mentally and physically aswell as maintain my well being by not allowing it to interfere with what I think or how I think of myself. I'm a working man, full time 40 hours/week & a part time painting job on the side, wife & one kid but like I stated above, the key is to stay busy & maintain positive energy. Everything is temporary.

 

Currently take prescriptions (not xanax) and so although I don't understand exactly how xanax withdrawal feels, I do relate slightly. Anytime I took them I just fell unconscious into a death sleep for like 16 hours and never understood why people took them so heavily, my ex had an extremely high tolerance and was addicted and said the withdrawals were awful. Honestly the only times i've detoxed off prescriptions is unwillingly because i've ran out and I have to wait to get more and i'm usually counting the minutes until its sorted.

Just try to stay strong and anytime you feel like just obtaining more and breaking your detox think of the reasons why you are doing it & when it gets unbearable to the point you think you can't go without bars just remember that law school is your priority and you risk messing that part of your life up for some temporary relief.

I don't think anything you can do will make it any easier because it seems like you're trying everything that you possibly can :{ Just try and ride it out and keep it up. Set little goals and once you achieve them reward urself and it'll get easier with time. The physical withdrawals are probably the hardest part and I've heard that xanax can be some of the most unpleasant, but once you get past that and you have nothing but mental withdrawals you've got over the most difficult part and you can begin to experience how clear life is when you're not always fucked up.

 

I actually tried Xanex for the first time a week ago. Very strong body high.

I know this sounds cliche but you need to force a positive mental attitude. Drugs fuck w/ your dopamine levels which make you unable to enjoy anything, this will for sure pass with time.

I would highly recommend drinking LOTS of coffee and smoking some weed. It has the potential to mellow you out and focus on what you want to do in life. Seriously, try this and focus on what you want in life (no weed if your not in the mood). It has personally helped me tons.

You sound very frustrated that nothing is fun or going your way. I just want to remind you that your perception of reality is completely in your control. You need to literally force yourself to think positively. At first it seems impossible, with practice you will eventually mold into a new person. Keep working out, trying to see friends, make new friends, excel at your job, get laid. Life will work itself out with time and effort. Best of luck.

Last thing that personally helped me in life is finding solid role models. I dont mean cliche things life your dad or whatever. Find someone alive who has traits and ideals you want to become. Follow them on social media. Like i said i only have anecdotal experience but having clear role models has helped me become happier, better, more focused person.

 

Withdrawal from benzo's is no joke.. If you are truly experiencing some serious symptoms then you need to check yourself into a detox where you will be monitored. I'm glad you realized there is a problem nonetheless. By the way, courts typically show leniency for people who check themselves into treatment & FINISH the program when it comes to sentencing. If you do choose to do so, your attorney will take care of you and warrants will not be issued IN MOST CASES.