Why do small things bother me / trigger anxiety?

Hey Sythe, so a thread in the general discussion section got me to thinking, and maybe someone who suffers similar problems can help me out with this issue that has manifested itself within my personality this past year, I really noticed it taking a toll on me back in October. This is going to be a little lengthy.

I should preface this post by saying in the past I have dealt with mild to moderate bouts of manic depression. It mainly manifests itself from a worry for the future, that I will end up a 'failure' to society, not be able to pull my own weight, etc. But until recently, it never really manifested itself into the form of anxiety. Confidence was one trait I always displayed to my peers, and while many still reference my confidence in social circles and the workplace, I feel it waning significantly. My dad is a highly qualified engineer which adds a lot of pressure and strain to my own striving toward success in the same field (broadly, he does chemical engineering I switched to aerospace engineering, but that's not really relevant to the topic at hand).

Anyway, a really bad character flaw of mine that has recently developed is being incredibly agitated by small, every day problems. The oddity behind this is that it has to be something very specific to 'trigger' me. Not all problems are created equally, and oddly enough, I somehow deal with bigger problems and am able to tune them out more than I can smaller problems.

For example as some have seen me post in the technology section, I recently dealt with over 500 disconnections on my internet which was severely hampering my ability to conduct conference calls for my new job. Somehow, my patience level rarely wore thin with this issue and I was mostly able to shrug it off. However, a small problem such as my computer not working the way it should or a problem at work being riddled by my mistakes, I get legitimately agitated, anxious, and fixate on it for days if not MONTHS. Where did this sudden self-critical behavior come from? This does not seem like a normal trait for me.

Essentially, if I can not properly troubleshoot a problem, regardless of the application or actual problem I am trying to solve, I get worked up to the point of not being able to think straight. All I think about is the problem or problems. I literally sometimes resort to taking a nap just to shut my brain off from thinking about the problem. This mental reset of sorts helps, but after a few hours of being awake again, I'm back to thinking about the problem, obsessing over it. The worst part? These problems rarely impact anything. Like just one example I can give I remember not being able to get Steam to work properly. The errors bothered me for weeks. Talking to customer support exacerbated my agitation. That agitation has since subsided, but you can see how stupid it is to get upset at something so trivial.

Unfortunately, it seems like it's getting worse as the months go on. More and more of these "small problems" rack my brain, mocking me that I cannot "fix" them. Now I should be brutally honest in this post so that you get the full picture - I recently got out of a pretty emotionally abusive friendship/relationship. I severed ties with this person almost 2 full years ago (May 2015). I really believe that the after-effects of this friendship have manifested itself into mild to moderate paranoia, a somewhat easy ability to be agitated or upset, and an increased annoyance level with small nuanced problems - the annoyance only dissipating if I fully and undoubtedly rectify the issue at hand. If not rectified, it takes long periods of time passing to no longer be annoyed by the problem. Which is really annoying, because my brain tells me that despite previous problems of the past no longer bothering me, it "tricks" me into believing that I'll NEVER get over the problem unless I fix it.

Ultimately, I guess what I'm asking here is if there's anyone here that is even remotely similar to this, how do you deal with it? Or how should I deal with it? How do you let small problems roll off of your back? What do you do if there's a problem that you cannot fix? That is beyond your control to fix? Or that refuses to fix itself no matter what you do to try to fix it?

I come from a family that is bitterly disappointed by failure. My dad once got mad at me getting a B-....in Middle School.. where the grades don't even actually count. But I never really gave a damn back then, so why do I now? I always said "If I ever become a millionaire, my dad will complain I didn't get there fast enough" - partially a joke but there's a tinge of truth to it as well.

In conclusion, the family pressure doesn't really bother me. My manic depression is nowhere near as bad as it was in 2015. But now that seems to have replaced itself with something I've never had in my life until now: Self-doubt. Doubt that I can solve a problem. Doubt that I deserve to solve the problem. Doubt that I'll ever get over said problem bothering me to the point where I actually sleep to avoid thinking about it. Why is this happening? How can I fix it?

 

Kind of an update to this - Some people have told me they think I should take medication for this. Does anyone have any experience with this (predominantly for anxiety?)

After talking about this problem "out loud" I have seen some improvement in letting small things roll off of my back more easily. The funniest part of this is after posting this my computer wanted to be difficult, immediately trying my patience on "small problems" yet again. Luckily I'm dealing with it more productively and not internalizing it, but rather seeking help on this and other forums for a possible solution. I feel like when I work collectively versus independently to solve problems, this obsessive behavior to solve everything becomes a lot less burdensome.

But some have still highly recommended me to take medication for this. I've always have kind of feared that path. I realize very few people on Sythe have the type of background to give me advice here, but mainly for what I'm looking for are suggestions. Anxiety plagues an innumerable amount of people, so if you have anxiety, please let me know how you deal with it. You can Skype me if you want to keep it private, which some people have already (which I really appreciate, ty to those people who did reach out).

 

When I get anxious I sometimes ask myself what's the worst that can happen? The worst thing that can happen is I'll die. You're problems aren't that bad that you could die because of them. Tell yourself you're not going to die, so it's not that bad. Whatever happens your problem won't prevent you from seeing tomorrow. This helps me.

 

No medication then? This is good advice. Sometimes thinking like this can get me by the problem. Sometimes it doesn't. Why I'm always looking for other methods. Thanks for the advice

 

I would use medication as a last resort because all drugs have side effects and once you're on them it's hard to get off.

 

I wouldn't recommend anxiety medication. Before I was diagnosed with a mild version of tourette's syndrome, different doctors were trying to calm me down with different kinds of anxiety medication. The medication made me feel inhibited in the way I would think (lack of energy so concentration went down) so it affected my studies which was frustrating and a bit depressing. It made me really sleepy. Good luck doing school assignments when you don't have energy I think your problem could easily be solved by talking to someone to change your mind set.

 

I totally agree.

Thanks man. Yeah I don't think I'm going to go the medication direction unless it gets real, real bad. It's just hard to find people in real life that will readily admit that they struggle with anything I've found. Which is why I thought Sythe would be a little easier, people will be more inclined to open up.

Thanks for sharing

 

Hey have you recently changed your lifestyle? Exercise is actually a huge reliever of anxiety. So if you exercised more previously, I would try to pick it up again or try it out maybe. It's not like it's a bad thing. Sleep also can affect us in great ways. You owe it to yourself to get a full night's rest every night. What we are eating can affect how we are thinking too. Try your best to take care of yourself.

Just admitting you have an issue and are willing to try new things is positive. This thread is a good step towards recovery. You've admittted you have an issue, and you are trying to do something about it. That's one step in the good direction for sure.

I would try to avoid caffeine/ alcohol or any drugs for that matter. Presciption medication for your issue, I would advise against. These drugs may help us cope with our issues, but they don't get deep down into cause of our problems. You'll feel much better if you are in control of yourself without the use of drugs. But they aren't necessarily a bad thing, just not something you should try out first.

Try to accept that you can't control everything, and just do your best. I know impressing your parents may be programmed in your blood, but maybe if they knew the stress it caused you they would lay off a bit. I would try talking to your mom (or someone close to your dad) and explain what you have been experiencing. Talking about something we can't control yet gives some footing for when we do. Find some healthy distracting things to do and try to occupy your time with them.

Feel free to message me on Skype man, I know I pretend to treat you like poo but I do in fact care about you. Pretty sad it took this thread for me to say that.

 

I've started to exercise more, instead of staying in on weekends I force myself to go do something. Little bit harder right now in the dead of winter, but I'm trying.

No drugs or alcohol. Get regular drug tests / screenings for my brand new job so couldn't even if I wanted to. Alcohol is a big no no for me, some of my immediate family and extended family struggle with alcohol abuse. Funny you mention it because my sister says it gets rid of her anxiety. But uhhh trading off being an alcoholic for having anxiety is counter-intuitive and even more dangerous.

My mom died when I was 8. That's why I'm pretty rough around the edges, only a father figure my entire life. A loving albeit strict father figure.

Nothing I say in SF is true lol. It's all mememing. Ur're actually a really good pig.

 

Speaking of the weather/ seasons have you recently noticed it get worse in the past 2 months? Or anually around the winter season. There are alot of people who are affected by SAD disorder. It's a disorder that comes with not getting the sunlight our body requires to stay thriving, mostly during the winter months. It can throw you into depression, increase anxiety etc. My old professor said that everyone has the potential to suffer from SAD, but it affects some more than others. I would suggest looking more into it, it can be treated easily with exposure to light/melatonin/serotonin.

I don't think alcohol has cured your sister, so don't try to do what she has done. She is just burying her issues. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know how you exactly feel but I'm here if you want to talk Have you thought about family therapy maybe? The root causes of your guy's problems may be from the past and y'all need to talk about it. I don't mean to be judgemental at all but you are mentioning your family for a reason. They are your rock, your structure in life. Care for them and make sure you all are fine. I've never been a firm believer of a therapist/counselour but ever since dealing with these foster kids. I know for a fact it does in fact help. And it's not something you should avoid.

Burying problems normally manifest into something even greater later. So if you need to talk about something with a therapist or in group setting with your family then do it! It won't be wasted time. I know you probably feel better or some relief after posting this thread here on Sythe.org. Imagine opening up completely to someone in real life about all this.

 

Would recommend anxiety medication. Nothing too crazy thoug, heard they can get addicting and wouldn't wish that upon anyone :<