LMFAO someone sent me this through email!

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.



I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program....



Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split £7 million with me for pretending to

be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.



I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out

for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.



I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.



Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.



Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.



I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.



I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.



I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.



Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.



And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £50.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.



If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.



I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beauticians relative once removed.



By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.



Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!

Happy 2009




S Bristow

Mr

EP System Manager

Tel Civ: 01400 266086 , Mil: 95751 6086

Fax Civ: 01400 266892, Mil: 95751 6892

RAFECGMS, c/o Medical Board, Adastral Hall,

PO BOX 1000, Sleaford, Lincs, NG34 8GZ



[email protected]

This e-mail and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient or there are problems please notify the sender and then delete the e-mail (and file(s) if attached) from your system. Recipients should note that e-mail traffic on MOD systems is subject to monitoring, recording and auditing to secure the effective operation of the system and for other lawful purposes. The MOD has taken steps to keep this e-mail and any attachments free from viruses. However it accepts no liability for any loss or damage howsoever caused as a result of any virus being passed on. It is the responsibility of the recipient to perform all necessary checks. The statements expressed in this e-mail are personal and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or policies of the department.

Please consider the environment before printing this mail...


rofl

 

its rubbish what idiot wrote that shit

 

these are true be careful.

 

wow, thats basically exactly everything in my junk mail haha
and that made me piss myself laughing
thanks for posting

 

np =)

 

Quite a funny email. Got a bit tired of reading through it though

 

oh so you got tired?

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