Unusual dilemma

[mage3158]

I know you've guys seen threads about a girl millions of times before, so I will go ahead and bore you with another.

Basically I have come to the conclusion that I can only love one girl. Problem being is I'm not with her, nor can I foresee ever being with her (more on that later). I met her several years ago in 9th grade, it was quite literally love at first sight. We shared Lunch, Math, and Science, and we were great friends. Problem was she was dating someone at the time. Another issue was about 2 years later in 11th grade we kinda drifted apart, not nearly talking as much. It was strange, I don't remember any shattering event that could have caused it, it wasn't like we were running out of things to say at that time. We still held some relations, but it wasn't significant. Throughout all of this however I really didn't date anyone, kinda fell into the whole "wait until she breaks up with that guy". I always thought to myself because the guy she was dating was a year or so older, all I had to do was wait until he graduated. In hind sight I honestly should have made my move earlier, because when he did graduate and break up with her, we were already very far apart and I obviously wasn't on the list of people to date despite my meek efforts.

But I still think of her, still have feelings for her that I still haven't had for any other woman I've dated over the years. Women I get infatuated with now seems to be simply over sex and their looks in the end; when I tell them I love them I know I'm bold face lying to them. Sometimes I realize it sooner than others.
I don't like doing this, it makes me feel like a bad person. I don't like using women for something, then throwing them away when I realize I really don't love them, and I think back to that girl in high school.

Now, mind you, I don't obsess over this girl. I can go months without thinking back at times, but the same feelings are always still there. It's never a sexual attachment, I almost never fantasize about her that way. It's simply just a strange feeling that I can't seem to get from anyone else. It's like no matter how she treats me, or what we'd go through I'd still do anything within my power for her. I like to think that feeling is called love.

When I have bouts of thinking about her a lot I always come up with hair brained schemes as to win her over, kind of like ******** style:

I won't list any, unless you want to hear them.

She's currently over 1,500 miles away though, attending college just like I am. So I am in quite the bad situation all things considered.
Not sure what to do about it. I certainly feel like giving up would be a decision I'd regret years later.

Thanks for your time guys

 

Well.. I'd personally say don't go for it.
But if you contact her by phone or Skype or something, just try speaking to her again and see if you can work your way in. Being 1500 miles away won't help things along. But maybe you can chat most days and eventually try to get a long distance relationship. Then visit her and so on.

But if you were my real life friend my exact words be "just forget about her man".

 

[mage3158]

Well.. I'd personally say don't go for it.
But if you contact her by phone or Skype or something, just try speaking to her again and see if you can work your way in. Being 1500 miles away won't help things along. But maybe you can chat most days and eventually try to get a long distance relationship. Then visit her and so on.

But if you were my real life friend my exact words be "just forget about her man".

I understand that, considering I've had a couple of long distance relationships already. Problem being, it's not just forgetting the girl, it's forgetting the nice warm feeling as well.

And it always feels like I'd have to do more than just talk to her, as I feel that'd lead to some shaky bonds as well... which is where the hair brained stunts come into play. It's really a mix of complex feelings that are incredibly hard to ignore. I literally wish I could have these feelings for another girl.

 

[S]

It seems like you enjoy the chase or the idea of having her, more than the actual thing. Love can be misguided, and well in all honesty and from what you've mentioned I'd suggest moving on. You said yourself you drifted apart, conversations were hard to come by and nothing significant happened. If it is truly 'love', then all that should come naturally, it shouldn't be so hard. Sorry bud.

 

[mage3158]

It seems like you enjoy the chase or the idea of having her, more than the actual thing.

This isn't the case really. I know the feelings are for the girl.

if it is truly 'love', then all that should come naturally, it shouldn't be so hard.

Love by one side isn't the same as love by both. A Chuck Palahniuk quote comes to mind:

The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.

I've honestly considered giving up relationships altogether, since it seems I can't get the same feelings for someone else, I just end up hurting them.

 

[S]

If you have nothing to lose, try and see her, see what comes of it. You will at least have closure, definitely worth the 1500mile trip.

It may seem odd though in terms of you popping up and all. Have you tried contacting her via skype/text anything? Maybe just say you're in the area and you feel like catching up (don't mention a 1.5k mile trip). See what comes of a casual coffee, and go from there. If you feel it's worth persisting after a face to face, then I wish you the best of luck.

 

[mage3158]

If you have nothing to lose, try and see her, see what comes of it. You will at least have closure, definitely worth the 1500mile trip.

It may seem odd though in terms of you popping up and all. Have you tried contacting her via skype/text anything? Maybe just say you're in the area and you feel like catching up (don't mention a 1.5k mile trip). See what comes of a casual coffee, and go from there. If you feel it's worth persisting after a face to face, then I wish you the best of luck.

I just might, can't right now because I'm in the middle of a semester, but I might walk up some time in summer.

 

[Elena]

I would first try and make contact with her, Women love to know you still care. Then just start back as friends and see where it goes don't explain your feelings to her right away it will scare her off. Just try to establish steady communication with her and then go from there. But if you honestly love her you can't let her get away. Feel free to add my skype if you want to message about it anymore.

 

[n4n0]

This is a tough road to go down, I can definitely agree. Being in the military, I've gone through this myself.

There was a girl whom I knew all through high school, and afterwards as well. We were always really close, but she was in a steady relationship through most of our friendship. Just before I left for basic, she broke up w/ her BF, and at that point I was distraught because I was leaving in just a few weeks. She stayed single for awhile and we communicated a LOT while I was in basic via letters, and then while I was in AIT via phone/text, and she continuously made hints that she was interested in me, and I did the same to her.

Then I got the news I was going to get stationed in Germany. This is where things started to go bad. I was torn in half. I didn't want to be so far from her, but at the same time, I was excited to experience the culture of another country. Over time, we drifted. We talked less and less, and she ended up getting into another relationship, and is to this day married. I haven't talked to her in a long time, but I still think about her at least once every couple weeks, and wish things could have been different, but ultimately I've just learned that sometimes things just weren't meant to be, and you've got to move on.

If you can, try and start talking to her again. Try and rekindle that friendship, and ultimately try and get out to see her if it's possible for you and see where things go from there.