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TrIggA tries to rap... again

TrIggA

TrIggA

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Oct 1, 2007
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East London, UK


http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kcPm5HWwh00
[YOUTUBE]kcPm5HWwh00[/YOUTUBE]

iso constructive criticism and ratings in general
thanks ^_^

im gonna recite a tale
of a man who succeeded and failed, through hardship prevailed
but darkness was overwhelming his realm and he ended up nailed
from running an enterprise, to living on benefits and up in the sky
It was no surprise - He went to an alley and bought supplies
Thats the moment he brought disguise

4 A*s at the age of eighteen
he was attached to perfecting routine, to damn perfect like a machine
now including more toxins along with morphine
Although All under control and at his feet
He completed more courses so he could pack his resource a
and ride on the wagon pulled by the army of headless horses

at 20 he opened his sport store
and it werent long before he scored that beatiful chord
the girl of his dreams, that all mandem adored
But he joined gangs and went to war
Like a poison fang, with his boys all around him bang bang
viscious recreation of the taliban clan
They used guns but he used his hands


Hooked on Shit in little white bags
he wouldnt even share with comrades
the evil grin as he rolled the fags
his sins repeated as he cheated as he slept with slags
All downhill little by little, the stone in the lake - the ever expanding ripple


His addiction was driving him ill
every night depriving him of meals
he'd sit down and start feasting on handfuls of pills
crackhead soldier, he'd beat his enemies
then dive for the kill
Life wasnt the real deal, he was in a fantasy
like a drunk on skunk behind the madman's fury and zeal

Rehab didnt work, turned away by his church
the priest thought he was trouble and kicked him out on the double
and fucking all mighty only made his pain worse
deep down he was hurt, hed grab his punch bag and go berserk
or stay up late at night creating his verse
cos he positions other than coming first

If Emos were emotional and they hurt themselves
then he was the opposite - hed send them to hell
Looked up to major national heroes
became a good man, but fell back to zero
he didnt mean to do what he done
but he done what he did, and when when they run with a gun
all hell begun, as he crept in the shadows
summoning his ammo
as innocent civilians burned in the sun


worried his policy,
and his tore up his prophecy
so he could start with a clean slate
with a clean slate, but heaven started the debate
and for his sake, angels fell from the skys
he tried not to cry but asked
the angels to drop raindrops into his eyes


Despite beginning from fresh
he only started his test, and witnessed the burden upon his chest
a beautiful girl who was six years old and wore that dress
shot by thieves, he was supposed to assume he was blessed?
and his wifey in coma, 24 years old with an english diploma
lightning rose in his eyes as he became possessed
fighting the lies, he smelt the scent of his girls aroma
reminiscing the days at the lake, his wife and his mates
acting so poor, they lived on estates.
He worked hard from 9 to 8
dealing out numerous packets
after a battle, hed raid the opposing mens jackets
threatened by boys, but they simply were unable to hack it
He moved from grass to needles
stopping bypassing people in the streets he was a druggy
a weevil, sucked up into the black hole of evil slipping and sliding down the dangerous steeple
He begged the lord for mercy and his lifes retrieval
like a bad graph his life was torn
ups to downs from the day he was born
Heart pure with love
but a mind full of thorns

and in his right hand a weapon for sure
he didnt know if could longer endure this fucked life that was tampered and obscure
but in his left a photo, that brought him back to reality
as he wandered the streets in messed up mentality
he was lost in the beats and the new life approaching brutality
he couldnt ride the roller coaster of life
and aimed for his temple with the barrel of a loaded revolver
every time he dropped the misleading life solver
one pop and the bleak future was over.
Click to expand...
 
It's not too bad listen-able for me which is better than most... but one thing I would like to mention that you should critique when you're rapping fast sometimes you tend to slur a little and makes it kinda hard to understand.
 
argos value microphone = £3 ( ~$5)
crappy recording program - free
boredom - priceless

one day i will go studio / we - and actually record properly... but this mic makes it sound so bad.

:( thanks so far ^^

btw -this was oly te first attempt - im too lazy to repeat.
bad habit . lol
 
TrIggA said:
argos value microphone = £3 ( ~$5)
crappy recording program - free
boredom - priceless

one day i will go studio / we - and actually record properly... but this mic makes it sound so bad.

:( thanks so far ^^
Click to expand...

The mic isn't the problem. Commercial quality at your point is overrated. I've been in recording studios and if you don't have your stuff down, it's just going to be amplified so people that are nearly deaf realize what's going on.

You have the idea down. Not down pact but down. I don't care if you're black, white, purple or green. YOU NEED RHYTHM in order to succeed in music, especially rap. If your beat and you aren't already synced, digitally you can do that, but it's still not the same.

Normally, I'll shoot down lyrics fast but you obviously put thought into yours. Just cut out fillers like "he was", "now including", and "although" to make it more smooth and concise rap so it flows a bit.

I hope your lyrics are legit. If they're not, fix them.

About the beat.. if you're going to rap, find a beat that at least makes sense. None of this solja boy, chimpmunk garbage.

If you need a good beat and can't get any, I'll hook you up. Just hit me up with a pm or something.
 
Inventor419 said:
The mic isn't the problem. Commercial quality at your point is overrated. I've been in recording studios and if you don't have your stuff down, it's just going to be amplified so people that are nearly deaf realize what's going on.

You have the idea down. Not down pact but down. I don't care if you're black, white, purple or green. YOU NEED RHYTHM in order to succeed in music, especially rap. If your beat and you aren't already synced, digitally you can do that, but it's still not the same.

Normally, I'll shoot down lyrics fast but you obviously put thought into yours. Just cut out fillers like "he was", "now including", and "although" to make it more smooth and concise rap so it flows a bit.

I hope your lyrics are legit. If they're not, fix them.

About the beat.. if you're going to rap, find a beat that at least makes sense. None of this solja boy, chimpmunk garbage.

If you need a good beat and can't get any, I'll hook you up. Just hit me up with a pm or something.
Click to expand...
+1.

this was what i wanted to hear ^_^

i live in the uk - im sorround by grime - which i like... but not too much.
Im a fan of rap - but not to a deep extent - so its a mixture of grime and rap to be honest

all my bars / lyrics are legit.
I find copying others efforts is time consuming and i dont feel proud whn it actually comes out good.
Im willing to succed in this... however when i write - i whisper it and it sounds great... but when it comes to actually putting the voice on the beat - its totally different from what I expected.

thanks for your honest opinion.
 
Np at all. As long as you keep it legit, without fillers like n bombs and yo said 20 times, have everything synced so it's in time, etc. then it should be decent rap.

Also, you may be confused by "bars" meaning lyrics when in actuality it means a four bar musical phrase. Maybe you just meant both lyrics and bars, I'm not sure.

Poetry is not meant to be written to a beat because you can't fit all your poetic thoughts easily into a four bar phrase if what you're writing is INSANELY HIGH quality stuff.

If I'm writing raps to a beat, I'll circle the beat for hours just for inspiration, then recite my poem to the beat and try to make it fit in as a rap.

I find just spittin lyrics helps a lot with flow, without having any beat there to guide you.
 
Considering British rap normally sucks (in comparison to American) it was pretty good.
 
my memory sucks - at times takes me a while to remember vocab...
however i get random good rhymes :

His addiction was driving him ill
every night depriving him of meals
he'd sit down and start feasting on handfuls of pills
crackhead soldier, he'd beat his enemies
then dive for the kil

i got that on my way home.. on the bus - staring out the window. lol

im random at times..
i have no patience and at times it takes forever for anything good to sprout.. hence you may read one or two good 'bars' (in england differend - slang for lyrics on the beat type lol) - and rest so so..
normally i write so much in a day but i throw it away - never to be seen or revived.

write without the beat huh?
then how am i gonna fit it in O_o
i know that most beats tend to follow a general style - im not a great musiciam.. i loved singing but my voice broke - piano - forgot how to play... i love poetry and this shit inspires me.

well im off its 1am and i gotta wake up at 6

appreciate your time



edit
Rsismyname said:
Considering British rap normally sucks (in comparison to American) it was pretty good.
Click to expand...

considering the amount of undiscovered talent - there are many good mcs there
look up black the ripper, dot rotten, devline, ghetto - amazing flow - powerful lyrics
its just putting your mind in the right state to bear and listen .. and try to understand
 
TrIggA said:
considering the amount of undiscovered talent - there are many good mcs there
look up black the ripper, dot rotten, devline, ghetto - amazing flow - powerful lyrics
its just putting your mind in the right state to bear and listen .. and try to understand
Click to expand...
Agreed. The highest quality rap you'll find doesn't usually come from sitting in a dark corner, crying, spilling your emotions out, and writing. It's random. You just get a beat or a feeling and jam out or just go with it.
 
probobly music quality, but it sounds like you mumble :s
i like the background music? is it ripped, or have you acctually made it?
good beat's, suit's the song.

you are and OK rapper. i would acctually try vocal training.
you could end up like somewhat the music Bliss N Eso make. try listen to it.(aussies, i know you are english, but. well :))
 
thanks for positive feedback
mumbling was cos i didnt prepare
this was a first off one off.

I got into a bad habit - when I write I whisper...
it comes out wrong when I actually go all vocal.

Vocal training - hmmm (runs over to youtube)
serious note though - sounds like a good idea - my voice is messed. People have rated my bars (lyrics) as good... but suggest for me to put on a voice. lol.

ah well
 
I liked the story lol had no speakers for rap but the story was awesome :D
 
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