Tricky Situation with the loml

Well, she messaged me out of the blue because she's home. Instead of 50 hours away she's 10 minutes. So, I believe she wants to be with me because she said back then she loved me and she confirmed it again. I don't believe she needs me to get back on her feet because she does make decent cash. I've just always been here for her for years.

 

That's great, good luck man!!!!!!!!!

 

When is the last time you saw her in person? How many times since? Have you even done the do?

Is she incurring any serious costs because of getting arrested now? I know weed is a minor offence these days (likely going to be legal eventually anyway) but if she got back in touch with you the moment she was going to have pay a large fine or whatever I'd be a little worried.

Still, you know her better than any of us will (we can only advise on what you write here), so if you are sure on it then go ahead, but love can someone "blind", remember that for every life-changing decision you make.

 

Saw her 3 weeks ago, and saw her this past weekend. And no, we haven't done the do.

No she's not asking me for money whatsoever about a fine. The reason she messaged me is because she's home instead of across the country like she's been the past 4 years.

 

The issue I see here I don't think you've spent long enough time together to know that you "click". Seeing someone and liking them and actually being with them 24/7 (living with them) are two very different things, a lot of people find what they think is true live turns out quite different after living with that person 24/7 and always staying with them. If you weren't moving far for this it wouldn't be a bother if it doesn't work as you can just move back wherever you are now, but moving across the country to be with her and it doesn't work out quite as you wanted to can be awkward when you've moved across just to love with her. Still, if you're renting it is less of an issue, if you're buying a property (and especially if you intend to do a "shared ownership" thing with her), then I'd be really wary of going ahead with that, regardless of how much I liked someone.

Also for me most people have "done the do" before they get to a level of moving in together. Not saying it is some sort of "requirement", but generally moving in together happens when you're quite far in the relationship (which tends to involve sex by that point).

 

We don't plan on moving in together anytime soon, she's moving about 90 minutes away from me in February until I finish college. We won't move into together till I'm done college which will be at minimum a year. In all honesty, it all depends what happens. Just the way of the road.

 

Well little update, we've hungout the past 6 days together. and we've done the do multiple times. Things are working out as planned. We're not really even thinking about moving in together till I'm done college anyway.

 

Dude, reread your posts in the mirror (you try to provide validation to why she treats you poorly) You can’t excuse someone so many times when you’ve offered a dish on a silver platter. It’s ok if she’s attracted to your “status”, nothing wrong with choosing an ideal mate. You were retainer, she knew you would stick around essentially abusing you unknowingly. I personally think you deserve better as in reality - you have no idea who else she has on retainer and is completely untrustworthy. Why do you even like her ?
Based off small interactions over 7 years?
I can almost assure the person you “fell in love” with 7 years ago is probably far from the person she is today.

*-Classic Stockholm syndrome.-*
More important, you can’t build a bridge with a shitty foundation. This commitment has already started with ails, strain, and other negative emotions.... do you expect it to get MUCH better ?

 

Seeing where we are right this minute, yes I believe it got MUCH better. I'm not trying to make excuses, all were facts

 

I have been through this exact same sort of thing, here's how mine went.

1) I talk to this girl I have known for a long time who is involved in a toxic relationship
2) She tells me she wants to be with me while currently in that relationship
3) She leaves him for me
4) We have our relationship
5) We eventually have some arguments and stuff, but she starts talking to other guys because we are not having the greatest of times in that moment.

I don't trust women like this because I find if they are willing to talk to other men while in their toxic relationship, she may end up doing that exact same to you when you guys have an argument, or a bad week, or whatever.

On another note, it's not cool of you to be talking about getting in a relationship and stuff when she's in a toxic one already. Imagine if the guy found out!

In the end of it, have her come back to be around you in your environment before you make any silly decisions. People change.

 

They were facts because you believed her, but it’s all to speculation what her true intentions are - you will never know. I can tell you living “in the now” with a relationship is gonna bite you in the butt. You should make decisions for future YOU.
May I ask, how do you know the guy was truly controllive and it wasn’t a reaction based off what she’s done to him in the past ? Toxicity is relative, hell maybe the guy was going through it too... he was dealing with this unfaithful person. You never really know someone, and I really think you should put her through paces. Make female friends, go out alone, take time for yourself. You’ll see true colors when she doesn’t get what she wants.

Sure people change, but almost never because for/because of you. It’s almost always self-indulgence, and actions people take should/are by selfish means.

 

She's been out of the relationship for about a week now. Since she left him, we've been hanging out a lot more. I appreciate the advice you gave. I'll keep it in mind, and just go with the flow.

Very good points here, but the way I know is because of her other friends. He abused her physically and mentally. I understand what you're saying and I'll take it into consideration. Thanks brother.