Tricky Situation with the loml

Hey guys and girls, So I have a situation which I need help with.

When I was a freshman/sophomore in High school, I met this girl which I connected with really well. We had a great friendship and she was my first kiss etc. We kinda distanced ourselves during senior year of high school and into college. (She didn't go to college). Anyway, no one ever understood me like she did as I'm not the most normal individual. Anytime we talked over the past 7 years, it felt like we always started talking right where we left off even though we only talk maybe 2-3 times a year.

So, one day she had a gorgeous picture on instagram and I decided to text her and tell her. After I did this, we just caught up like we normally do, how are things etc. After this, about 24-48 hours later, I felt really bad because I could never tell her she's the love of my life and I wanted to be with her. So roughly 2 days after, I decided to tell her because I had nothing to lose. So I told her "You're the love of my life, and I've known this for a while, no one I've ever been with felt like it was when I was with you. I don't really know how to describe it, but I'd do anything for you."

So a couple hours later she responded. "I know you can't describe it because I can't either. Ever since we talked in high school and became such great friends I've loved you. I would do things for you I wouldn't anyone else no matter what it is."

So, at this point, I didn't know she had a boyfriend of 3 years. She told me that and I felt terrible because I don't wanna possibly ruin something she has going for her. So, I said sorry and I was gonna go on my way. She said she just needs some time to think about everything. Also, her boyfriend is very controlling and in that case, we can only text like 2-3 times a week right now so he can't find out right now or she'll probably get kicked out of their apartment.

So I get a text a day later. She said "I thought about everything and I know what I want to do, in roughly 4-5 months when I pay my boyfriend back (from rent and shit he paid), I'm going to leave him and I want to pursue something with you because I know it would work out perfectly as I always hoped it would."

At this point, I'm so happy and can't believe this is happening. But then more variables came into play. She used to live in my area and her family is in my area, but she currently lives in California, and I live in Florida. I wanna move out to cali after college (1 1/2 years from graduating).

So we came up with 2-3 solutions.

1. After college, I move out there and we start our lives together.
2. She moves home, then we both move out to Cali or Texas together after college.
3. I move out there now and finish college in California.

Also, money isn't an issue, I'm in a very fortunate family that has plenty of it and I personally have 6 figures.

So now, I have an internship with Google this summer in California as a back-end software developer. This would be major because of seeing her while I'm out there, we'd be about 2 hours apart from each other.

I'm not sure what to do, or what the right thing is to do. I've loved her ever since we were younger and could only imagine what could be the outcome. At the same time, am I being too hopeful? I would trust this girl with my life and that's why I trust everything she is saying.

Just need some opinions on what I should do or exactly how I should do it.

 

I suggest you get a feel for it before making any big decisions. On the internship, try to see her and see how things go from there. If you guys click, then you can possibly talk about moving in together but if not, you guys just aren’t ready.

 

Just follow your heart, if its gona work everything will fall into place.

If not we will see you back in the personal support section

 

I'm not forcing her to breakup with him, she said he's very controlling and she wants to get out anyway. And she never even talked to another guy when with me and she said I was the only person she loved. I also, don't think she's stringing along because of everything we've been through in the past. Thank you though Broken. I understand yourpoints.

Thank Katana for the tip. I plan to do that as of now anyway. Worst comes to worst, I just focus on my job full time.

Appreciate that and I hope it all does work out.

 

As you said, you don't see/talk to her much nowadays; living with someone is a huge jump, and too much too soon can ruin something special.
Also, please don't let this dictate your life choices, if you aren't happy, she wont be.

Jumping from one relationship to another will also be tough on her mentally, if you really love her and want to be with her in a healthy relationship, I would strongly recommend that you encourage her to have a grace period just to make sure she truly believes that she wants to be with you, and not just jumping off a sinking ship.

Ceteris paribus, i'd complete your course and take advantage of the 1-1.5 yrs you have left in college before moving out/making a life changing decision. Its a small price to pay for what could be.

Goodluck friend.

 

I agree with you 100%, and I don't plan on moving in with her yet, if I would move out there, I would live by myself for a while, then I would truly just retire at the age of 21, and help her with her business/maybe open up a small tech store of my own.

 

Sorry to say it but if a girl can do that to a boyfriend of 3 years, how can you ever trust her? She may say it's because he is controlling but who knows what she says is true. What does she do? If she is borrowing money from people (her current boyfriend), how do you know she isn't just attracted to your money?

 

I've trusted this girl for over 6 years now, and that's why I believe it is true. Her mother even talked to me (Close with her) about how the relationship is toxic. She currently operates her own business of making jewelry out of natural stones etc. And the only reason why I say she's not attracted to the money, in high school, I always offered to pay for her food and shit when we went out and she refused. And now I offered to give her the money so she can leave the boyfriend and she said no because she wants to do it herself and pay him herself. I literally have yet to spend a dime on her.

Paying someone for advice on this isn't what you do lmao.

 

What's better than asking real people for real advice?

 

So I guess it would really depend on where you want to be. Maybe it's a little naive of me, but I'd think "I'm rich" kind of breaks down all the real obstacles that could put a hamper on starting your relationship. Using employment as a reason to get close would be something I'd normally advise against, just because you've got no idea what the stresses would do to you even before you factor in that 2 hour ride to see her. The thing is, with the financial security like you've apparently got, the worst that can happen is the loss of potential prestige. Unless you really want to make a name for yourself and work big-name, Google's just a convenient excuse to be there.

Just a few things to think on:

1. Are you cucking someone? Definitely; you're stealing her from someone for yourself. It might be an unpopular opinion, but I think there's nothing inherently wrong with that, especially if she's going to someone she's truly happier with and the current guy is just abusive. What you want to consider, though, is what sort of impact that the previous relationship would have on your new one. People tend to carry personal baggage between partners, and that doesn't disappear overnight. What's more, the old guy might not take losing control very well, and he might become a problem. Just be sure to seriously talk with her about her old relationship, so that you don't get blindsided.
2. Don't try to do too much too soon. That applies to the previously mentioned point others have made about not jumping right in and moving in together, but it also applies to other aspects of starting up. If you two get together, you're probably going to feel two things: happiness, and a desire to prove your love. That second one is dangerous because that's how you get started on smothering. "I'll do anything for you" doesn't mean you have to do everything at once. Take things at your own paces, and don't doubt your love.
3. Related to 2, even if you've got plenty sitting around, your money won't solve everything. If what you say is true and your money had no sway on her, then that goes double. You can be nice and pamper the hell out of her, but at the end of the day everything is going to depend on what goes on between you two as people.

...Looking back on that after writing it, that's all wordy and probably more than you asked for, but I hope it helps.

 

Not to get too personal into things, but this might seem like something to take into account. Have you always had a large amount of wealth? I know you said that you trust this girl, but you also have to take into account that hopefully this isn't something you're getting into because she might be blinded by wealth.

On another note, do what you think is right and gl to whatever happens

 

lol did you not read the first paragraph?

 

What are you trying to get at?

 

The first sentence literally states that they met when they were 14, and then goes onto saying that they've been talking for 7 years and that OP's family has always been wealthy. I doubt that shes in it for the money, and its pretty rude to suggest that shes a gold digger and undermine the topic tbh.

 

You're actually braindead. He clearly describes that the girl is certainly not in the best position as of now and could potentially be blinded by the money. I'm not blatantly calling her a gold digger but I suggested to OP that it's something to think about as he has had feelings for this girl for a long time and not to rush things so quickly. Now fuck off

 

Yeah because gold diggers love working for 5 months to pay their ex's back instead of asking their new partner to just dig deep. Did I hit a nerve?
OP isn't oblivious you do realise, its pretty clear that he's a well off, smart and well educated dude. Whatever though, sorry for spam.

 

It does help and I understand your points.

We're had this amount of wealth since I was 6, so yes we have. I don't think she's blinded by wealth because of the fact of always having it. I wouldn't say she's a gold digger at all.

Appreciate the words towards myself, I know when to put money into something and not. I feel like she is a good person in this situation.

 

Give her the money to repay her boyfriend so you can instantly be with her

 

That would be a shit idea, she would lose all her self respect if he did that.