I am fairly active on the forum, I do not wish to post on my personal account since I am aware there are plenty of trolls on this forum Since I was 6 years old I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have since then been to countless psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors.. You name it. I have been on every pill you can imagine, nothing has worked thus far. I was really debating for a long time (6++ months) posting this in fear of moderators checking the ip address and exposing me (or for the sake of their own curiousity).. Anyway let's get back on track, I've tried many medications, and been to conversations my entire life. Also spent 3 weeks at a mental hospital. Since there will probably a lot of confusion to this thread, I want to clarify that I am a very functional human being, I have a lot of friends and that I do very well at school. People often associate mental hospitals with non-functioning human beings. I have completely lost hope, and I don't think there is a chance for me to ever feel good. People in my family tell me I never smiled as a child/kid. I have been this way my entire life, I will often fake laughing publicly (even tho I dont really find it funny), its become a habit at this point. I feel like I don't know what being happy feels like, I can experience joy in short amounts of time, where I get excited. But its not like I have a positive outlook on life when I wake up, and it's never been like this. I am constantly worrying and feeling anxious and depressed. I do not longer wish to live this way, please share your experience if you have any.