Yeah so inspired by the Sythe discord shit tonight where people literally defended my fucking perps to my face (yeah thanks for defending the p*dophiles who preyed on me lol). I've been struggling throughout the years with PTSD, the abuse started in school (and my father but not really, I have a father figure and have had since I was young that IS a great and amazing man) but... it never really stopped. They would lock me in the back room of the office throughout the day if I misbehaved (which was always me just reacting "bad" to people bullying me - bullying started very young because I was a transfer from out of the country), LOCK me in there, with only water and maybe some snacks, and mundane work that I'd finish and be done with in like... an hour tops. Constantly. Day in and day out. Locked behind the main office of my elementary school. Because of this happening to me so young, I started turning to the internet at home for solace, and grew into a dangerous mindset of "I'm mature for my age, I can talk to older people" around 11. I accidentally catfished someone (I was told to always say I'm "18") which was kinda funny, it was some owner of a Minecraft server, but we've all since moved on and now consider it a funny memory. It got worse from there, and now I have almost weekly nightmares if not more common, about either my father trying to kill us because we're all happy and he doesn't want that - or it's about the pedophiles or the school. Being locked in that room for so long. I had been preyed on as well, 15-16, by two different p*dos. One named Bae Jera and another named InsufficientSanity. The info is already out there on both of them and I still have some of the proof on the Sanity guy (lying about his age, etc, threatened me and all that, which he followed through on) in the form of ... really old screenshots. lol So yeah now I struggle with a lot of post-traumatic stress because of all of this and am a bit of a wreck, but it's only triggered when retards defend p*dophilia unironically. I can take a joke, but if you're that retarded that you're like "haha lol you're the one at fault because you were 15/16 that means you're mentally capable of realizing grooming right haha XD" when, scientifically and statistically, that has been disproved already. It's upsetting to see how much Sythe has devolved too, because I feel like the devolving kinda leads to shit like this. Now I'm questioning the validity of what I've gone through, but not too much anyways. I know what happened to me, the grooming and all, was wrong. And no amount of Sythe random calling me "retarded" is gonna change that tbh. Just wish there were more support networks out there for victims of p*dophiles and those with PTSD. It's hard enough with the other shit I deal with, but I've been on a waitlist for a Psych for like 7+ years and nothing's happened yet. Feels bad. Like how the fuck are you supposed to process that in your head anyways? Are people really this fucking stupid that they're THAT okay with defending pedophiles? Because "oh the victim was stupid and dumb haha XD groom all the kids you want". By that logic, the YOUNG CHILDREN and toddlers who are groomed and molested by p*dophiles are also retarded too. They're too stupid to know what's going on haha they're retarded kids! No. That kinda shit is like saying "rape is okay" because "they know better than to EXPOSE THEIR MIDRIFF AND SHOULDERS! whores" or some retarded-ass logic some conservative twat wants to pull out of their shit hole. Anyways I guess what I want from this is... advice? Sythe's got some really cool people, but holy fuck I didn't expect to have such a dilemma tonight. How could I cope better with the nightmares, particularly? The school I was abused in is only like 8 blocks away from me too, I live in a small town, so even though the school is long gone, the building remains... and so do the memories. I wish I could just forget, honestly. It sucks because there's a huuuuge lack of resources in the area too because it's so small, so I can't even be like "hey please social worker pl0x thanks". I'm at a loss. I'm tempted to just surround myself with a bunch of nice material possessions and drown my sorrows that way. Maybe that's the only way right now.