The Monster: Methamphetamine.

Hey guys, before I get too deep into this, I'm going to give you all a back story to what's led up to the situation I'm having a problem with now.

Last year in late August, I was introduced to the monster. Methamphetamine, ice, Tina, girl, whatever you wish to call it. I said I'd do it just to see what it's all about, and immediately fell in love. I kept my cool, and only used on the weekends for about 3 months. I was on misdemeanor probation for a possession of marijuana charge, and didn't want to run the risk of failing a piss test, anyway. Well, after those three months, I started getting a little riskier, unable to control myself with it, and began using on into Monday, and Tuesday.

I'd always stop by Tuesday evening, to give myself the 72 hour period for detoxing before reporting to probation on Fridays. That's no excuse, and I know, but it seemed logical to me at the time. Obviously enough, it soon took over into a daily event. I began hanging around places I knew I could sneak a free hit from the pipe, be offered a free line, etc. when I didn't have money, and began hanging around my dope dealer's place a lot more often when I DID have money.

By January of this year (2013) I had gone from weighing 155lbs to weighing around 110-115lbs and become VERY unhealthy as seen here:


Clearly the monster had taken over. Well, earlier this year, I was strung out with some "buddies" of mine, and we had run out of money. Out of dope. We decided to run off in someone's house. We took multiple Playstation 3's, High School class rings, liquor, and cigarettes. All the things we needed to sustain our needs for a little while longer, right? Right. About a month or two passed, and an investigator comes knocking at our doors. We deny everything, and move on. Come to find out, one of the "buddies" snitched on the other two of us, and two weeks after their initial visit, came and arrested my friend and I. We served 4 months total, 2.8 of which were served in Walker State Prison. I have been put on a 10-year Felony probation sentence that threatens to send me to prison for 2 years at a time for ANY violation of their terms at ANY point. (Each 2 year sentence in my state carries a minimum of 6 months served)

I was released November 16th, 2013, and after those 4 months of incarceration, I felt wonderful. Renewed, even. Off drugs, no alcohol, not even a single urge for drugs.

Well, over the past few nights, I've been having a lot of "using dreams". Dreams where I'm hanging out with friends, and sneaking off to the bathroom and blowin' down on the glass dragon, or secretly popping a shard off under my tongue...

These dreams have really fogged my thoughts, and whenever I'm alone to think, whether it be while having a cigarette, or laying in bed at night, I've come to find myself really WANTING to use again. Not "needing" to use, but I've suddenly regained the desire to use.

I'm really afraid that if I don't find a way to control my mind, I may end up making a bad decision again, and find myself either strung out again, in prison again, or even dead.

Can I please get some advice from the community members here on how to filter my mind AWAY from the meth? I HATE it, but ever since I tried it, I've always loved it, too. It's a double-edged sword that's lodged itself deep inside me.

Advice is very appreciated, thank you so much.

 

Well the first thing you need to do is stay positive on yourself. Being mentally healthy is the first thing to help you kick the cravings. You need to experiment with activities that take your mind off the stuff. Keep telling yourself why you want to stop using meth in the first place. Make a checklist of things that you HATE and i mean LOATHE About meth. Then when you need encouragement look at said list. If your feeling overwhelmed shut everything out. You know take a day off, limit friends and family, turn your phone (hard one), and stay off the Laptop. Just relax.. And rediscover YOU. And what you want to be! Your an amazing person and keep telling yourself that.


Also dont forget that you have friends and family that you can call on that will do ANYTHING for you. It can be hard to do this alone. So take advantage of anyone willing to help.

Check out this link: http://www.meth.org.au/fileadmin/downloads/Amphetamine_wdl.pdf

Also if you need a quick pick me up:
http://thequietplaceproject.com/

and ofcourse some resources in our own community:
http://www.sythe.org/personal-suppo...ssed-angry-suicidal-useful-links-numbers.html

 

Holy shit, quite an experience you have there. I haven't encountered something like this but being selfconscious about this does decrease the matter of failure, goodluck my friend.

 

Every time you have an urge or something that draws you back towards ideas of getting into it again, look at yourself in the mirror and try thinking of how much better off you are now that you've stopped, and then stop and think what could happen if you get into it again. You don't want to go downhill again, realizing this would hopefully be enough...

 

I used to be heavily addicted to pain killers, and I still am but not as much, I'm also a cutter which I'm trying to get myself off that habbit, and I know exactly what you mean when you have dreams of it, you wake up and your whole body is full of emotion and all you want to do is grab hold of that one thing that helps release everything.

Exercise was the key for me, whenever I'd get the urge I'd go out for a run and I'd totally exhaust myself, and I've been going to the gym lately and just doing whatever I can do to totally get my mind away from it. I have a close friend who listens to me vent a lot whenever I get the urge to pop a pill, do you have anyone around you who you trust and who would listen to you talk? Just venting can do a lot and take your mind away from the urge.

Keep that picture of yourself, and look at it when you feel the urge, remind yourself constantly that nothing good will come out of it, what good will you be when you're dead. I hope everything works out well, because in the end you'll thank yourself for not giving in.

 

contact this user : http://www.sythe.org/members/272160-dimethyl.html

(this dude probably knows more about drug addiction than anybody here)

 

I really appreciate all the advice everyone's given me thus far. I've been able to really avert my thoughts from meth, and when I HAVE had those thoughts, I've put everyone's techniques to use. I've begun an exercise routine, thought about my family and home life, focusing on how negative things got when I was a heavy user, and channeled my energy toward positive things and fun things without drug use. I won't lie and say I'm "cured", though.

I guess they were all right when they said, "If you try meth once, you'll want it forever." But even with a "want", a "need" doesn't need to come back into play for me, and it will if I give in, and that's going to help me keep it up!

Thank you guys so much for the advice and tips.

 

I don't blame you at all,i understand you. But looks how every single person talkin about serious drugs have started from weed.
Not saying weed is the first step of the drug piramid but it seems like everyone move on to next stage.
My point of view is: Either u need to go at doctor and she/he will scare you to hell with the facts how ur body/organism is crashing every single time when ur taking it or u need to move at more social place with young peoples.
Try to find something u love to do,u can also buy a dog or any animal.
Your brain must be busy with different things everyday all day long.
You don't need to be ashamed from ur past,that's just experience,no matter is good or bad. Start somekind of diet with more froots and budy training.
Every little step forward is not actually small because ur taking ur life in ur hands.
Get job,adopt dog,start eat healthy,go train something.
Peoples are easily susceptible to nice and easy way of life!
Make ur life not so easy and nice
Commune is not a variant of which you must look with bad eye,they really help!
Metha is worst than heroin...

 

Meth is NOT worse than heroin.
I was addicted to heroin for 5 years.
Meth only took me a year to get away from.
I have a cat and more than one dog, haha. My cat's name is Odin, my dogs are: Beast, Bella, Boomer, Homer, and Dusty. A Pit bull/lab mix, 2 yorkies, a Husky and a wienerdog. Haha.

Weed was never mentioned in this thread. I smoked weed loooooooong before I ever smoked meth or anything.

 

Fuckkk I'm sorry, but I just spent forever writing like 10 pages of some really great stuff and my computer just shut down for no reason and deleted what I had copied. I don't know if I can bring myself to type all that out again :/ I don't really have the time either. I can't believe that shit just happened.

Welllllllll yeah, like Loyal said, I'm definitely the person you need to talk to about this kind of stuff. I've struggled with drug addiction for nearly 11 years. My main drugs of choice are opiates and benzos. I've also been hooked on meth, coke/crack, ketamine, barbituates, even Ambien. I didn't start with weed. The first drug I ever did other than alcohol was Percocet when I was 12 and I was hooked instantly. I went downhill quick. I had done pretty much every drug out there by the time I was 16 and I was consistently banging heroin, cocaine, and meth by 18. I've done just about every bad thing you can do, I've ruined many lives and ruined nearly every good thing in my life, been in and out of jail, and lost over a dozen friends due to drugs and violence. I've loved drugs for a long time, but I fucking despise them too. I recently got clean back in February for the first time in my life. I'm not going to bullshit you. It's hard as fuck, but I'm also happier than I've been in a while even after all the bullshit I've dealt with over the last few months. I've relapsed multiple times because of the mistakes I made coming out of rehab, but I'm starting to learn from them too. I OD'd on heroin a couple months ago and right on my girl's bed no less. I was also purposely given bad meth by a close friend of mine a couple weeks ago and my heart nearly exploded. I would've died if I hadn't had beta blockers to slow my heart rate down. I was a mess for several days afterwards and was even hallucinating and hearing shit. I'm still having some heart problems. Ironic because I've never OD'd in all the years I've been using and all the drugs I've mixed. Other than that, I've been relatively clean and I'm pretty happy right now. I know pretty much what it takes to stay clean, even though I realize I haven't done everything I should. Relapses are a part of sobriety though. I've seen people back in rehab within 2 weeks and other people relapse after being clean for 20+ years. As you might know, drug addiction is a disease and will be with you for the rest of your life. Our brains work differently than other people's. It definitely gets easier though.

Anyways that's just a quick sum up. I'm tired as hell and I can't type anymore. Maybe I'll edit this post and re-type some of what I did earlier whenever I get a chance, but it'd probably just be better if you add me on MSN if you'd like. Mine is [email protected]. I never get on, so just PM me first. I can tell you just about everything you need to know.

 

You have alot of resources now at your disposal. I hope everything pulls through for you

 

I just again want to thank everybody.

Thank you, Dimethyl, for offering to talk on a deeper level with me about this. I've PMed you, please get back to me when you can, bro.

Narcotics Anonymous members have "sponsors", someone to talk to when they feel a relapse, or just have thoughts of bad habits. I think you and I might be able to utilize a similar technique, because I know the boat you're in, and you clearly know the boat I'm in.

 

I found a note I wrote to myself when I was on drugs. It's kind of sad, but also somewhat shows I really wanted to get off of them, but couldn't bring myself to do it alone. This was written only a week and a half before I was arrested back in August. Check it, I'll type it here. It's kinda heartbreaking to read that from sobered eyes, from the aftermath of what I wrote about. At the same time, it's good to realize I'm doing exactly what I promised in this note to myself. I feel great.

My name is ****** ******. I finally got it all figured out, or at least this stage of my life. I realized today, I'm drowning, and begging for a reason to come up for air. I have no one to blame for my failure, or for my mistakes that led me here. I put myself in this position, and getting in was so much easier than getting out. It's likely I need this time away, no matter how long my hiatus will be. They can't keep me gone forever. I swear that once my time is up, I'll be different. This time, it's a promise not only to myself, but to those who ever cared about me. I'm going to do what I should've done a long time ago, for better or worse. They say there's always tomorrow, but why not today?

My life is killing me, and regretfully, I'm not going down alone. I NEED CHANGE. You know, I can't keep hurting those who love me, and the only way I can stop that is to stop hurting myself, and stay away for awhile, or maybe for good, but that's not a decision I can make alone. These next two, three, four, 10, 20, months, or however long they keep me, will be the most difficult time I've had in awhile. I guess that's because I know this time, I did it to myself, and I'll miss all of my friends' smiling faces. I've brought my own burdens down on them, and so many others I love. It's my responsibility and nobody should suffer the consequences, lasting or temporary, aside from myself. To those I read this aloud to, I am terribly sorry for any trouble I may have caused you, and I do swear, next time you see me, I'll be doing all I can to make amends.

I got it figured out...why I can't leave this forsaken town just yet. I won't, not can't, until I right my wrongs with those I've held so close to me. Well hey, like Neil Young says, every junkie's like a setting sun.

I swear to rise again,
With love,
******

------------------------------

 

Stumbled upon my court paperwork, as well..This is a huge consequence that this drug has brought down on me.

 

So meth made you commit a crime, "Burglary" and now, you received paperwork stating that you're guilty and sentenced for 10 years?

With good behavior, I think you'll get out less than 10 years.

 

hopefully this is the push you need to turn a corner, writing everything down greatly helps too. best of luck bud.