No strings attached sex got out of hands

So, I met this guy in one of my friend's birthday party. I don't know him, and he doesn't know me. But all I knew back then that he's my friend's boyfriend's friend. So in the party, we met, and we talked a little, laughed a lot, had fun. Then we went on our ways and I thought, that's it, we'll never meet again. But I was wrong. I went back home that night, opened my Facebook and saw that he added me. Obviously, like any other person, I added him, and we started talking.

Days went on, and none of my friends knew that we're connected and we talk everyday. I told him to keep this as a "secret", I don't want any one to know that we talk a lot with each other, else they'd think we're dating. I don't like the thought of dating, I like to be free, and I like it when other people are free, too.

But our talks led to us meeting, having fun.. and we meet at least once a week. Things got out of hands a bit. Well, maybe not a bit, but a lot, maybe. He started to tell me how he likes me so much, how I look so good, and so on. So, I felt good, and had sex with him.

We had sex, again and again and again, over the past few weeks. It was.. so good.. so so so good. I thought it was a no strings attached sex. I really didn't tell him that it's a no strings attached sex, but I thought he knew it was. Everything was fine, when yesterday, during sex, he suddenly said, "Please marry me.. I love you so much.. Please.."

I was shocked to hear him say this. I always found loving someone to be such a hard work, continuously talking to him, keeping up the relationship. It's such a hard work. Also, I'm more focused on my career, since I'm 19 and this is the time to study, to work, to build up my future. So I have no time for love. I don't want love now, I'm not looking for love.

I told him that I'm not sure about this. God, he started crying. Telling me how lonely he feels without me, and how he loves everything about me. I do like him, yes I do have a soft corner for him. But... isn't this going way too fast? I sort of feel guilty for leading him on...

What should I do? Am I a bad person for only thinking about my satisfaction, and not his heart? I never thought that lust could lead to love.. I don't know how to deal with this.

 

Maybe you should tell him how you really feel and let him know that putting a guilt trip on you is not fair. I'd let him know now that you have goals and plans for you future and ask him what's his? He needs to realize that marriage isn't a top priority for you and it shouldn't be for him either especially at your age. If you're not interested in love or a commitment then you're not ready yet so tell him that.

You guys need some space to let things cool off for a bit maybe sustain from having sex with him for a while. He needs to find someone with the same life plan as his and you need to find a partner that knows the meaning of no strings attached. Probably better from now on to strictly tell the other person that you have no desire to love or date just a strictly sexual relationship and that's it. You're not a bad person, you're just not the right person for him but that doesn't mean you're not right for someone else.

 

You need to be upfront and honest with him. Obviously you two were not on the same page. But if you think about it you basicly were in a relationship, no strings attached sex does not include chatting every day. Be honest with him is the only advice i can give.

 

By the sounds of things, you took his virginity.
The simple answer is to just say no and stop seeing him. It's not cruel or anything, if you don't love him then you don't love him, it that easy really.. He might cry or something but he sounds like he needs a knock on the head and to be told no.

 

I told him how I feel, how important my future is, but he just doesn't get it. He keeps crying, saying sad stuffs, saying he wants me to be his forever. The stuffs he says is really making me feel guilty, I feel like I used him.

And if I don't reply to his test in an hour, he gets all worried and starts calling me and all that. He's obsessed with me. I do like him, but then I like everyone else too, doesn't make him special just 'cause I have sex with him.

And he says stuffs like, "please... I want to be in your heart forever..." how can you not resist this and just hug him? He's a big Romeo... I feel bad for him 'cause he fell for the wrong girl.. Ugh..

 

He gets all worried when I don't reply to his text in an hour, if I stop seeing him then I don't think he can be normal again.

I don't know how to end this without getting him hurt. He did said that this was his first time, I'm the first girl whom he ever loved and got physical with, so I can understand why he thinks I'm so important to him.

 

If I was you I'd do something to turn him off. He loves you so much so change what he loves about you and eventually he'll go away. I think that's probably the only way to do it without hurting him. My sister use to do this every time a guy friend would get to close she'd pretend to be extremely whiny, bitchy, needy and spoiled and probably some times even a tad psycho and they'd eventually stop calling or just lay off.

 

bad idea, just be honest with him

 

Well I don't know if I could act like that or not, I already feel guilty enough now, and doing that will make me feel like a bitch forever.

 

If she was already honest with him and he's still not getting the picture what else can she do but get a restraining order?

 

I could talk to you about this, but cbf to type.

I've done this with alot of girls, and a couple girls to me.

feel free to add my skype, or something.

wrote_murder

 

Tell him that while you can't gaurentee him a future with you in it, he isn't helping the matter by constantly talking about love. Maybe talk about a few 'what ifs' as in 'what would your parents say?' 'How could we afford college and a wedding?' 'What if it doesn't work out. A divorce would be tougher than a break up wouldn't it'. And maybe that will give him a dose of reality and think things over. Also remind him to think about marriage without being blind by lust. Remind him that too much of a good thing (him being with you) can also be a bad thing. Hopefully he'll reconsider everything.

And just a little side comment. I find your situation to be a bit ironic. I've never heard of a guy who wasent satisfied with sex with no relationship attached before now.

 

I added you on Skype

 

You're being more mean by keeping with him and getting his hopes up. Jus get rid of him and say "stop texting me" and ignore him.

It may break his heart (he's confusing sex with love anyway) but it's better for his and your future.

 

He simply needs to understand that you aren't ready for a relationship. You two weren't on the same page and you just have to let him know that it was a simple misunderstanding. It's really sweet (and a bit creepy) that he feels this way about you, but if a relationship with him is not right for you, tell him that.

If he starts to get out of hand, I recommend blocking his phone number and all that. I'm not saying if he's annoying, but he goes overboard and refuses to listen, you should definitely do that. I think he'll eventually get over it and move on.

 

I thought he already knew that it's impossible to have a future with me. Like, where we live, we have this caste and religion and all that shit. He knows he's a Muslim and I'm a Buddhist, so that shit is still prevailing. He's clever enough to know that it will lead us no where, and he doesn't need me reminding him this shit. Everyone knows that it's impossible. Gah. Some men are so hard.

He's a little bit different, ya know. He's more like, Romeo-type. He'd prefer kissing and hugging more than actually doing it.

 

What I'm afraid is he'll open his mouth to my friend, tell her we had sex and all that, and my reputation will be ruined!

 

Sounds like he has never really had some type of girlfriend or even had sex before. Like Shoop said, you probably took his virginity. Once he realizes it was just sex, he will come to his senses.

 

Cut him out of your life. It is not fair on him to keep him following you along. Even if you say this stuff but carry on seeing him, your going to give him false hope.

 

Wow, you must be one pretty girl lawl. My advice: it seems like you still wanna be his friend, but he wants you to be his wife. If you are strong enough, don't talk to him or even reply back to his messages for one week just ignore him. After one week see how he reacts and act accordingly. I doubt he truly loves you.