Recent Break up, hard on myself.

Starting note, don't troll this, this is serious stuff. thank you.
I know this is a wall of text, I can't really break it up anymore, please don't let that divert you from attempting to help.

I'm 18, I just recently graduated High-school, and had been dating a girl that's two years younger than I am, for a year and six months.
January 2010, I started dating her, and it was my first girlfriend, that I was serious about, she had dated before, no big deal, I was okay with it.
I lost my virginity to her, she lost hers to me, after about a month into the relationship. We hung out every chance we could, both of us didn't have our license so it was hard to get a ride somedays, and we still managed. She rode horses competitively, and I well.. played xbox/rs, and she was very much okay with it, because she'd go out of town to ride, and she knew I wouldn't cheat or anything like that, or be with other girls.
In late may we said we loved each other for the first time and ya-da-yada.
In September, I got my license, and her parents where against her riding with me, and one day, she asked for a ride home from school, I got out at noon, and she got out at two, and i asked if it was okay with her parents and all that, she said no we can sneak it, so I did, and I had to work at 3, so I had left early.
the next week she loses her horse to an accident, and it devistated, yet she is very greatful that I am there to keep her up, and I try my hardest and her parents see it. about a week passes, and she asks the same thing, and I do it, and this time, we get caught, because her dad was home from work early, and he despised me for it, me and her dad would golf, bowl, mow his grass, all without her, and she loved it because that meant something to her.
he said i was never allowed over there again and that we had to break up, of course that wasn't what we did, we snuck hanging out, she'd "go to a friends" and i'd pick her up, she'd stay the night all that, and it happened every other week or whatever.
Christmas comes, I got her a Pillow Pet, Flowers, and a gift card, her mom a new TV and her dad a set of Irons ( Golf Clubs) and BOTH her parents hated me sorta, and her dad never used the Irons besides a few times, and her mom used the Tv.
at this time, I thought to myself, maybe I should go talk to them, even though they wouldn't approve of it what so ever, so with that as her argument, I was never able to talk to her parents.
her birthday, valentines day, all that goes by, I get her gifts and cards, she gets me things too.
May comes around this year, and she starts making me mad because she would go hangout with other guys and girls, and couldn't be with me, and she didn't understand why I was mad, but she quit wanting to stay with me, or even be with me. so she said we should have a "break" and at that rate i thought my life was over. we still talked every day, just like we were dating, saying good morning, hanging out when she "felt like it" during the weekend, and saying good morning, good night, etc. but eventually she wouldn't walk with me in the halls at school, and played the excuse, you're leaving for college, so it's better off being without you now etc, even though I am going to a college just down the street, living at home and she knew that. I hear stories of her walking and talking from people with another guy, and I saw it once or twice, and I asked about it, and she said they were just friends, and a week or two later, he likes all the photos of her on facebook, that don't have me in it, and on a few puts a <3 as a comment, of course that makes me angry, and i ask about it and she said no, he doesn't like me we're just friends...
around the end of the month his relationship status changes, and it's with nobody, and hers is still single, i ask what it's about she says she hasn't talked to him in a week or two and that it isn't her, and with her never giving me a reason to think she was lying, I believed her. I get out of school, for good, early, around two weeks, and people are talking to me about it, like are you two done for good etc, because she walks with this dude all the time, and i always say no we aren't done etc. I talk with a group of friends that i work with about my car etc(2008 subaru imprez) and she calls me and is like hey my parents are at dinner still come over, so I do and she's there and we havent' seen each other in around 2 weeks, and we kiss and hug and make out and all that. After awhile she stops saying good night to me, and I get really confused, and she starts blaming me for hanging out with other girls instead of working, and all of that.. calls me crying all the time about it, and i always give proof that I was working and such, showing clock slips, etc, and i bring up the other guy she "doesnt talk to" and she starts crying and stuff and says she has nothing to do with him she only wants me, and all of that, and i believe it. I get a picture from an underclassmen that i play xbox with of them hugging in the halls, of course it angers me, and she denies it, and says it isn't her, even tho it's my bookbag the person he's hugging is wearing, and i say don't do it again,and she cries and all this stuff, and says sorry and says she'll delete her facebook, i say no don't and try to talk her out of it, yet she still did, her "not friend" blocks me from facebook, and it didn't bother me one bit, there was no more of him to be seen. - Eventually I was at the movies seeing fast 5 after a car show, and i get a call saying she's with him now and of course i am on the way to her house and she calls and says i know you're at the movies etc can you come over, and of course I do. he isn't here and we kiss and hug, because it's been like 2 weeks again.
two days later, she makes up a story about me being with another girl and having sex with that girl during a time when I work, and I show her proof of my clock slip, I even pull work tape and show it to her, and she says its fake and leaves me for him.
I get to find out, When he changed his relationship status, they started dating, and I was blinded by it, and thought it was another girl.

What am I supposed to do now? it's been almost 2 weeks since we officially stopped talking, and I haven't said many words to her, and she says the relationship ending is all on me, and that's what it feels like.
I loved her, and I know now that I do because it hurts to hear about him having sex with her, and that they do all the stuff we used to. it TEARS me apart, people at work are very confused, I used to be able to spit out reports like i was getting paid double now I just kinda sit there and think and then graph a little here and there, and it's ruining my life sorta.
I have many girls that I talk to as friends but I don't think that they're going to be anything like the girl she was, to me she was the perfect girl, besides her parents hating me, I loved petting her horses and everything.
Now she's dating some tool whom she said she would never date in her life. it makes me think hard, as to everytime she said I love you, that it was a complete lie.
What should I do.. She still has my things, she has made a new facebook, but blocked me. I feel like i'm a piece of paper that has gotten tossed in a fire.
I'm at the point to where I ask about who is going to be at a party because i'm afraid theyre going to be there as well. so I just don't go.
ALL my friends see that i'm down, and they try to get me back. I just cant get back on my feet it feels like. I just feel sick, helpless, and heartbroken..
Help...

 

My best advice would be to hang out with friends, or play Runescape/Xbox, just something that would get your mind off of the situation as a whole. As you said, this was your first "Official" girlfriend, and well, getting into this relationship, I'm sure you knew that it wasn't going to last forever. (You weren't going to spend your whole life with her). On the other hand, you mentioned that she had been "dating" the other guy at the same time she was "dating" you. That just means that she treated you wrong, and nobody deserves that, ever. Sorry I'm not too good at this advice thing, but hope this helps atleast a little.
~Narc.

 

Lots of people have a difficult time breaking up. The fact that she blames you but still wants you to be there is a bad sign. It clearly shows that the way she feels doesn't match up with what she says. She probably just wants to date another guy but wants you to be there if things don't work out.

Its a sad thing but it happens to the best of us. Give it a week or two and if she doesn't come back just work on forgetting about her. Oh, and if she ever asks you to hang out from the blue don't talk to her.

 

She straight up doesn't deserve you. She's clearly not mature enough for a real relationship yet if this is how she acts when she's decided that she's had enough. I say just ignore her from now on. If she decides to get all lovey suddenly, just don't respond to her.

I've seen plenty of girls like this before. They're young and naive, and they think they can do whatever they want whenever they want. When she's had enough of the new guy she'll probably try to get back with you (temporarily), and then God knows what she'll try to pull next.

I highly recommend ignoring her and simply stopping all communications with her. I'm sure you'll find some new girls at the college you're going to, and you'll soon forget about how poorly she treated you.

 

I am sorry, but this is typical high school relationships. You should get your mind off things. She isn't worth it, you seem like a great guy. Great personality, you work, you got things going for you, she doesn't.

Trust me there's so many girls out there willing to appreciate you and really LOVE you.

Your ex doesn't deserve you honestly.

I would also suggest if she ever talks to you and wants to hang out simply just deny the invitation. You should take control not her, you're older than her and more mature than her. She just doesn't understand.

You got many things going for you mate, don't worry.

-Nice guys finish last

If you ever want to talk on MSN, add me: [email protected]

 

I don't know what to do to get my mind off things, when I play RS and I hear my phone buzz, it just makes me sad to see that it isn't from her anymore. When I die in CoD or Halo and check my phone, it's never from her, and it hurts. I try to sleep at night and it just never works out because I know that she's slept here in the house with me, many times, and that I wish that she was there again.

She taught me a lot, before her I thought horses where for show or racing only, I never knew there where special breeds of them meant specifically for jumping and doing competitions. She taught me how to do many things..

I went into this relationship thinking it'd be like a 2 week thing, and i'd go on because she was way above my standards of the girls I talk to, she is just one of those girls that are like top-notch stuff, and I thought that it wasn't real. When in all it was, and it kept feeling more real as it went on and now it's just I feel like I lost part of my life that i'll never get back. Like 12% of my current life is GONE with memories that I wanted to keep making.

She doesn't want me to be there, she doesn't want to talk to me, everytime I text her and say hey when can I get my stuff, I never get a reply. She has many of my things, I let her use all but one of my hoodies, she has half of my shirts probably, all my sweats/soccer pants, over half of my boxers, all my long socks, some hats..just a whole lot of things that I liked to have. She has my DS at that..

I just don't know what else to do, I can't move on because I feel like i'll get treated the same way by any girl that I don't already know.

I've tried making progress, I went to a movie with a girl, transformers 3, I paid for everything, and I took her home, and got a hug and met her dad again, and now it feels like she doesn't even want to talk to me :\

 

Progress is good, It means you're slowly forgetting about your ex. Sure a hug may not have been the best thing you could have received after paying for everything, etc, but you can't really expect you have sex on the first date either. Going back to how you bought your ex so many things, is that why she felt the need to "Stay" with you longer? I think that may be a reason why, let's face it, you bought her mom a new Television, and her dad a new Golf set. I think that's completely wrong, how she treated you, and after all the things you had done for her.

 

I wasn't expecting sex, I was expecting a kiss on the cheek or something along the lines. Last summer her dad paid for all the golfing we did, totaling well over 600 dollars, and for dinner that we all went to going way over budget because they don't enjoy eating at home, so they eat out more often. I don't think it was wrong, I thought of it as paying them back for what they bought me.

 

I can't really help you in the situation other than saying forget about her. You can never trust her again as she lied blatantly to your face and cheated on you.

For your stuff, just go to her house and ask her parents if you can get it back.

 

When I was reading your story, it had that sickening familiarity to it because, although being quite different, I went through a somewhat similar breakup myself a year ago. Everything was absolutely perfect until I went out of state for two months. She said she'd wait, but my second week there she dumped me so that she could be a slut all summer.

I know the feelings you're feeling. That feeling like everything that defines you as a person is connected to her. That feeling that nothing you will do will shake the now-absent familiarity of the things you used to do together, and most importantly that feeling that if one girl could do that, every girl could.

I was in a bad place for a long time, but I distracted myself with new hobbies and new music, things that were all me and had nothing to do with her, and not only did it make getting over it so much easier, but it made me into a much better person as a whole, because it helped me to find out who I really am.

The only thing you can do now is keep moving forward. The way she handled things with you was very manipulative, so I can say that much that if you go out of your way to try and get her back, it'll only make things worse for you. The best thing to do is pick up the pieces and keep moving, and I mean that literally.

Spend as much time with friends as you can, keep yourself occupied all the time. I got into a serious WoW addiction during the breakup, and as bad as that was in the long run, it really did help me when I needed it by keeping me occupied. You don't want to be in denial, but you do want to consciously move forward, and a few months from now, you'll look back and you'll realize that in the long run, she wasn't what you needed, and you'll be so much better off without her.

Don't get me wrong. It'll hurt for a while. I can tell you really loved this girl, so from personal experience I can say that even now, over a year later, there's still that small shred of depression resulting from the way things ended up, but it's been a long time since I felt like those feelings defined me or consumed me.

Keep moving forward man. You've got college and life ahead of you. It sucks now, but I promise you it'll get better, and whatever you do, don't look back and don't dwell on what's been done already.

 

I would be belting that selfish prick.


I would try for a week to get her back.

If fails, let her go.


~

Xav.

 

Damn, that was a long read, but i got to the end, i think you should just ignore her. leave her and she will soon realise shes lost you and then reject her which gets you even lol

 

It's painful, but the honest truth is you tried too hard. I think that's what pushed her away. That, and I don't understand why her parent's did not approve. You clearly were a good guy. You bought her mom a freaking TV, lol. Damn.

I'm sorry man.

 

I wouldn't suggest dating right away. It'll lead to a rebound and when you do rebound it'll hurt even more. Take it day by day and do something productive. That always helps me when I have chick trouble. And hang out with your bros.

Although she doesn't deserve you.

Start the bag and burn process.

1. Take everything of hers, AND everything that reminds you of her and bag it. Mixed cds, clothes, gifts from her, letters etc.
2. Burn it. When I say burn it, I don't mean stash it, I don't mean trash it, or even give it a friend to hold. I mean burn it. In the backyard. Or in a 50 gallon drum somewhere. It helps with the hurt and anger. Fire is good.


A few tips:

• Don't Drink out of sadness, it'll only depress you more and make it harder when you sober up.
• Start a new routine. Work outs, productive projects, yard work. etc
• No matter how bad you don't want to, COMPLETE THE BAG AND BURN PROCESS. It's essential. You can't get over her when something in the corner of your room reminds you of her every waking second.
• Don't start dating right away, if you find a new girl take it slow.
• Be sure to remember , that this won't last forever, you will get over it. It isn't permanent.
• Don't grovel or beg her to take you back, you are better then that.

EDIT:
I can't stress the 'productive project' enough. It fills up hours of your day you'd otherwise be sad and crying. Plus it will probably get back around to your ex, and she'll be sorry she broke up with you in the first place. But don't use as a tactic to get back with her. I repeat DON'T. It will not work, just make you look pathetic.

 

Ahh, Mr Black, you helped a lot.
I did manage to get my things back, everything that she had of mine, from her parents. I took her things, and the things that she had of mine, and burnt them, just like you said, except one by one, it felt great

I don't drink out of sadness, I have been drinking a lot this summer, yet there hasn't been a weekend that I haven't been invited to a party since I don't get "in trouble" from her by going to those parties.

I have been talking to the girl I went on a date with, we went to a movie again last night, and she seems to really enjoy spending time with me, besides that, I feel like I should take it slow, and I told her that, she said she understands 100% and that she wont try to jump the gun either.

El DLo, I have not tried to get her back, and I wont, as many have said, it will only hurt me worse when she does it again, it is time to move on, and that's what i'm trying to do. RS has been helping a lot, besides a small percentage of my bank getting wildy loading lag rush'd, it's all good. I think i've been doing well in keeping my mind off the subject.

 

Nice to hear you're moving on quite well, and doing great progress. Hope us Sythe users have helped atleast a bit, and hope you keep moving forward as you're doing now. Good luck with the new girl, and take things slow.

 

play runescape really?? I say let it breath and enjoy your life without for a while, my ex girlfriend goes out with the kid i hate the most and was my bestfriend for a year. been there

 

I said do an activity that would get his mind off of the situation as a whole, for example playing Runescape, or Xbox. I'm always open to constructive criticism, but the next time, would you please read my whole post first?

 

your obviously gonna be feeling extreamly attached to this girl because she was your FIRST of a lot of thing. Sex, serious gf and im sure some others. Just because she was your first doesn't mean she was meant to be your last. Your young go out and mingle. Sulking and hoping she comes back will do nothing but make you depressed.

 

That took me about 10minutes to read , you should talk to her, try work things out and if it dosn't work at least you can say you tryed, GL!