Official Jokes Thread

[Mentis]

How long can a black woman hold her poo for?

 

[Mentis]

9 months.


Someone actually asked that to a black girl at my old school. 2 suspensions for attempted murder pl0x!1

 

[raange pur3]

why was the little girl crying?
...
Coz sum1 punched her in the head

 

[raange pur3]

the funniest ones are when they aren't clever at all.. they are just straight to the point, like mine

 

[Jobby]

and one of fmy personal favourites ...

knock knock?
whos there?
banana.
banana who?
BANANASPLIT!!!!!!!!

ROFL

nahr i just laugh at it kuz it aint funny .. lmao? does anyone else laugh at jokes that are so not funny?

I got a nice one that is funny because it's a stupid joke

Yo' mammas so fat, that she weighs like 900kg! >.<

Now.. the real jokes

What two words will clear a Men's room faster then any others?
"NICE DICK!"

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

 

[Jobby]

One day a kid went to school and the teacher said, "For homework, I want
you to find out the difference between 'hypothetically' and
'realistically'." So the kid went home and asked his father, "Dad, what's
the difference between 'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"

His father replied, "Ask you mother if she'd sleep with somebody for a
million dollars." The son sort of looked at his father funny, but proceeded.

"Mom, would you sleep with someone for a million dollars?" The mother
replied, "Well son, that is quite a large sum of money...I think I would."

So the son went back to his father and said, "Dad, Mom said she would do it,
but I just don't understand, what does that have to do with 'hypothetically'
and 'realistically'?"

The father replied, "Don't worry about it, just ask your sister if she'd do
it." Reluctantly the boy went and asked his sister. She replied, "A million
dollars? OF COURSE I WOULD DO IT!!"

So, the boy returned once again to his father saying, "Dad, she said she'd
do it too, but I still don't understand, what does that have to do with
'hypothetically' and 'realistically'?"

The father replied, "Well son, HYPOTHETICALLY we're sitting on two million dollars,
REALISTICALLY, we're living with a couple of whores!"

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go,
and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid
for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to
M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two
million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", he explained, "and
leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he
whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million,
I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

 

[Fuzion x]

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?




by putting a plunger in the toilet


get it? she gets ass raped by the plunger each time she takes shit

 

[Fuzion x]

Ok I Am Going To Post A Racist Joke! If You Read, I Am Sorry, But Its Hella Funny.

 

[Fuzion x]

This guy is in Africa helping the people with AIDS, and he stumbles upon a magic lamp. He realizes its magic, so he waits until he is alone to rub it. He gets home, and rubs the lamp. Two smoking hot, female genies come out. They ask him, "What is your first wish." He says, "Well...hmmm...Umm...how about a room full of naked chicks who totally want me?" They grant his wish and he is so happy! And for his second wish he says "I wish I had billions and billions of dollars!" The genies grant his wish, and he is even happier! And for this third and final wish, he wishes "I wish I was hung like a black man!" Nothing happens, so he goes to bed, and wakes up in the middle of the night by two people. They take him outside and hang him on the oak tree. The genies take off their hoods and ask, "I can understand the first two wishes, but why would he want to be hung like a black man?"

 

[Fuzion x]

If you didn't get my last joke, the genies were the KKK (Ku Klux Klan) on the last wish...............DUH!

 

[o0 v0lc0m o0]

HOWdo youBLOW UP india

PRESS theRED buttonON THERE head

 

[opijs]

Frooob come to the hell my dorr ringing o nthe music belll

 

[opijs]

Don't you post about anything else than "Oooohh, SCAR is so detectable and not worth the risk"...



Frobish nobish

 

[shakaka]

robin, mentis, colby, etc..


all BIG jokes.

 

[Oh Jesus]

robin, mentis, colby, etc..


all BIG jokes.

You forgot shakaka.


Now prepare for the biggest joke of all!!

ETERNALMAGE IS A MAN LUL!

 

[shakaka]

You forgot shakaka.


Now prepare for the biggest joke of all!!

ETERNALMAGE IS A MAN LUL!

bitch. i thought you were cool

 

[Oh Jesus]

bitch. i thought you were cool

Lulz.

 

[C A MiNdFrEaK]

THESE are HIlarious

 

[Darkgroove]

1.
Jack is nimble, Jack is quick,
But Jill perfers the candlestick

2.
Blonde: How do I get rid of my bf's dandriff?
brunnet: Give him head and shoulders.
Blonde: How do I give him Shoulders.

3.
A boy comes home from school one day and looks in his Mum's bedroom. His mum is laying naked on the bed rubbing herself saying
"I want a man, I want a man."
The next day the boy comes back from school and looks in his mum's bedroom and sees a guy on top of his mum. He runs into his bedroom, strips down, starts rubbing himself saying
"I want a bike, I want a bike"

4.
3 guys love this girl, so the dad says you can all sleep over, and which ever one of you doesn't have sex with my daughter, can marry her. So they all agree. That night, the dad puts a knife in his daughter's.... "you know what" , and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes up and pulls down the first guy's pants and his "you know what" falls off, and the same with the second guy. He pulls down the second guy's pants and nothing happens. He wakes him up and says "congratulations, you haven't had sex with my daughter, you can marry her." But when he tried to say thanks, his tongue fell off.

5.
A farmer buys a young rooster to impregnate his chickens. The young rooster struts into the barn and yells to the old rooster, “Get out, old man! This is my barn now!”

“Tell you what,” says the old rooster. “I’ll race you around the farm; winner gets all the chicks.”

The old rooster takes off toward the front of the house with the young rooster chasing him. The farmer takes one look at the roosters, pulls out his shotgun, and blows the young one away.

“Dammit,” says the farmer. “That’s the third gay rooster I’ve bought this month!”

6.
Q: What do u call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: DEAD!~

7.
2 nuns were in bed, and one was naked apart from some brightly coloured socks.

There was a knock at the door.

The naked nun said to the other, go see who that is, I can't because I'm naked.

So the other nun went downstairs, and came up 5 minutes later.

She said
"It's a blind man, he wants to see you"

The naked nun replied
"Oh, well if he's blind he won't know i'm naked, i'll go down"

So she got to the door and asked the blind man what he wanted

He replied
"Nice socks, but where do you want these blinds?"

8.
A boy hears his parents arguing. From his mum, he hears bastard and balls. When he asks her what it means, she says "bastard means boy, because your dad's a boy, and balls means coat, because he left it at work today" and from his dad, he hears bitch and tit. When he asks him what it means, he replies " bitch means girl, because your mum's a girl and tits means hat because she didn't buy one today."

Later on his dad is shaving, so he jump up behind him and scares him. His dad cuts himself and says "shit". When he asks him what it means, the dad replies, "it's another word for shaving, now go to your mother, she is looking for you."

He goes downstairs and his mother is stuffing the thanksgiving turkey. He scares her and she says "F**K". When he asks her what it means, she replies, its another word for stuffing. Go watch T.V."

A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and the boy answers. It's his relatives come over for thanksgiving. He says to them "Hi all you bitches and bastards, you can hang your balls and tits in the closet, my dads upstairs shitting, and my mums in the kitchen, f**king the turkey!"

 

[lordy boy]

Whats the difference between Me and Annex?
Annex gets free Innerweb BJ's