How to be less of a dick to people

First and furthermost - I'd like to point out that this is a serious thread. If you're not going to post with genuine effort and (positively or negatively through criticism) attempt to help me, please kindly leave before reading this any further.​

I really never come to Sythe for my problems, but their effects always land here. Anyone who knows me knows my reputation around here. I'm known as a useless troll who doesn't care about anyone's opinions and posts stupid threads etc etc.
I have a flawless trading record with around 40+ vouches, that's not my concern. I want the community to regard me as a person that's enjoyable to be with.

There really is no excuse for the dick that I have been in the past around here, but It's just taken some waking up. I'm tired of being a dick, and I really don't do it on purpose.

We'll begin with my family situation. My father married and divorced once before marrying my current mother. He was in the Army as military police, and is now a police officer. When I was around 5, my mother and father divorced. They both remarried. My father then divorced my new stepmother after 6 or 7 years or marriage, leaving me confused between my real mother and stepmother who had always been there for me.
My father is now on another marriage, and his fourth wife. She is ~27 years old to his 45, and she's a complete bitch to me. Aswell as that, my Mother who had remarried is now failing in her new marriage. They've lost attraction and I believe are seeking others.
I feel like I'm the source of all of the trouble in my family. I feel like I'm the reason that they always get into fights. It's my fault, and it obviously has to be. No family deserves this.
I used to be the "emo" kid back in the day. I considered suicide many times. I would have been heavily into drugs if I wasn't afraid of my Father too much to try anything.

My life has just begun to turn around. I played football for the first time this year and I'm now more of a "jock." I hang out with tons of girls and guy friends all of the time - and I'm "popular."
My family still yells and fights all of the time - and my Father yells at me nonstop. I feel useless and misunderstood.

On top of that, the only person that I thought understood me was someone who I dated for a long time. It's the first girl that I ever told "I love you" to, and I meant it. Recently she filed charges on me for rape.
The police dismissed the charges from a lack of evidence and the fact that her story didn't match up - especially the part where we continued to date after we had sex for another month or so. So she did this for attention.

Every time I have a problem or a fight with my parents I come get on the computer - and Sythe is my homepage. I have so much pent up anger that this community is the first place it goes. I'm an incessant cunt and I troll. I'm a useless son of a bitch and every time I try to be helpful, it ends up biting me in the ass.

I want to know - is there any hope for me being a better person? Am I stuck being the "asshole" forever?
I've adopted newer philosophies. I'm trying my best - and I believe It's working. Getting out of the SF has helped a lot. I was only there because that's where I was told the "cool kids" went. I heard - if you want to get noticed and liked - go troll the spam forum! That was so far from incorrect... SO FAR. That place takes a normal person and makes them an idiotic forum stalking dick. I'm sorry for anyone that I pissed off there.

Anyways - you now know the content and origin of my personality. Anyone who has a problem with me - post it here. I'm considering it positive feedback. I need to know what's wrong with me before I can fix it.

It took me a very long while to debate whether to post this because I honestly don't want any of you thinking that this is for attention. I could care less. I just want to fix myself...for my family...for my friends...for everywhere.

 

.....wooooosaahhhh

haha ^^ kidding.

In all honesty, I didn't read it all, far too much.
But to not be a dick you just have to consider other people's feelings that little bit more, I myself have had a lot of growing up to do between the ages of 16-19 & It's worked out well for me just by thinking things through more thoroughly. Land yourself a nice girl to appreciate, and learn from it. Do some good deeds and see how nice it is to be generous, give people the benefit of the doubt as often as you can. Give respect, get respect.

Edit: Took the time to read it all, but I still stick with what i fore-mentioned.

 

The first thing you need to do is understand that what goes on with your parents, what they decided to do, you are not to blame, you said yourself that you have this anger and you jump on the computer sythe is the first thing that comes up. Its much like that for your dad it sounds, you arent to blame just like the members of this forum arent to blame for what you do. I was much like you, was the "emo" kid in school, didnt have a mum and dad always found something to yell at me about, got into drugs pretty fast and the only give iv ever really cared about fucked me over after a year and a half.
You are going to need to find ways to destress yourself, feed that angry into something more construtive the just trolling. I have no real advice on what that could be though as I just took up smoking and weed (dont recommend at all).

Changing your lifestyle outside of home is great. Getting more friends that you want to be around, enjoying yourself to take your mind off problems at home works wonders, but there is no escaping your family. Your new step-mum sounds like a gold digger, I wouldnt take anything she does to heart, it will most likely just be in her nature (less money for her when you are around)

 

Doing good deeds has nothing to do with it.
I'm such a nice person in the real world. The anger is held up until I get other places.

 

Take up boxing, or get a punch bag as a substitute to trolling forums punch the shit out of that thing until you feel better.

 

Try to focus on the positives you have in life rather than the negatives. Your life will improve a lot if you get in a positive mindset.

 

It won't help. I play football and that's the physical release that I have.

I'm a realist, not an idiot.
Thank you though.

 

Actually, he is right. You would be amazed at the effects thinking positively can have. In fact, some studies have even proven that simply smiling can improve your mood. As for other advice, you are not as insignificant as you feel, maybe try out some therapy?

 

Do you know what a realist is?
If shit isn't perfect, I'm not going to live life walking around thinking that everything's fine. That's how people get killed. Idiotic.

 

Its one thing to pretend issues dont exist, its another not to put them first.
Hes just saying focus on the good, and not the bad.

 

Maybe your realism is what stop you from changing, have you ever thought of having a different view on life?

I think you've been forced to grow up rather quickly, you sound like you've been young and brought it to rather adult situations, divorces, family break-ups, 'Rape' Charges, all things people in there childhood should not be burdened with.

Life doesnt always give you the best hand, and its annoying and fustrating that it doesnt and you just want to let it all out and it seems sythe is that place for you, that needs to change if you want to be different on here, you need to think differently.

 

I'm glad to see you are working to change your character. It is not going to be something that you can expect to do over night or in a few days. You are going to have to do a lot to work towards it. I think that in your personal case the best thing that you could do is to learn to restrain yourself sometimes. The problem I see is that you are always quick to retaliate or challenge people. Since your reputation is well for being that type of person you probably see a lot more people "testing you" or trying to provoke you. If you plan on changing your character I feel like learning to stop yourself from doing things is the best first step you should make. Sometimes it is best to stand down and submit to your antagonizes. If you continue to ignore their attempts to bring you down and do not respond you will turn the tables. Now these users will look like the bad person and you will be the better man for not stooping to their level. Even if someone is not antagonizing you it is better to just stop yourself from posting if you plan on saying something that could be possibly offensive. If you start things, even if you did not intend it in a mean way people will retaliate. You need to have more caution before you say certain things.

As karl said, it would also help to change some of your views on life. You cannot continue to expect you can fix or change everything. Sometimes it is better to ignore the little things and move on.

Another thing that I think would be a good change to your character is to change the way you speak. I feel like a lot of times you can say things that you do not mean to be blunt, rude, or offensive however the way you convey it gives people this feeling. I think if you spend more time looking over your post and reading it before you post it will have a dramatic change. To expand on this you should stop using memes or troll speak as much. This can automatically make users think that your intents of the post are not to help. Try to add more constructive and meaningful posts, so people think that you actually have an interest in helping them. Another thing that I have seen you do once or twice is say something like "No offense but "____blah bla blah____" Just because you say something like "no offense" doesn't always make it acceptable. You need to find the fine line about what is appropriate and what could possibly offend someone. This goes with the part about learning to stop yourself.

There are a few other minor things that you could always improve on, however I think that those will come to change as you work on the other things I suggested. Once you start improving on these areas then I may give more advice.

However I am really glad to see that you are truly making an effort to change. A lot of people are embarrassed to admit that they have a problem, let alone try to enlist the help of others to help change that. I truly think that you have the ability to change and become a better person, however you need to start now. I mentioned in the irc to you that actions speak louder than words. This was a nice action that shows me that you have intentions of good faith. So I would like to see you continue making efforts to changing opposed to just talking about them. I hope that you can stick with this goal because I really do think you can change.

On another note, I'd like to apologize for possibly offending you in the irc yesterday. Given I really do not like you, however I am an open minded person and always willing to give someone a second change. You can change and become different. I'd really like to help you out so if you ever need someone to talk to or just need some advice feel free to message me on MSN or sythe.

I feel like you have learned from some of your mistakes and truly making an honest effort to change.

 

Thanks Scott. Yeah, as I've said, the memes and troll language came from hanging around in the Spam Forum. I was told that's where the "Cool kids" were, so I hung out around them. It's not hard to change away from that type of language. Thanks for your advice. The first paragraph helped the most, and I'll certainly take it to heart.

 

That was very nice to know.

You're bad attitude is the only one I've noticed for some time now, and it really bothered me that everything you said seemed to be so...rude. I was honestly surprised you didn't get banned from some of your posts.

Anyway, how old are you? If moving out is going to be an option soon, that will relieve your problems almost instantly. I was the same way with my dad until I moved out last year; we are really close now.
This thread alone has changed my mind about you. "Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards recovery"

See ya on the light side!

 

I'm about to be 17.
Also, nothing I say is anywhere close to breaking the rules.
I'm careful enough to walk up to the line, but never to cross it.
This is a rather recent change, but effective nonetheless.

 

I have to say I've had a few pointless debates with you over the past, and your attitude was really starting to annoy me.

Like Scott said, you don't always have to feel like you need to share your input for everyone to see, especially if it will do more harm rather than help someone. Everyone has their own opinion, and you need to respect that. Having just a little more respect in general for people will definitely help, b/c we're here to build eachother as a community, not to challenge your morals/opinions (unless in the appropriate section). You're obviously a smart guy, but you just haven't been showing it to the community in the right way. Your technique is rather making you more friends than enemies, and that can be easily reversed.

I gotta give you props for trying to make a change though. It takes a real man to do that. I'm sorry with whatever experiences you've lived through with your family/friends, but it's the hard times thrown at you that make you that much stronger of a person to who you are today. Just take what life gives you and go with it bro.

Also, don't ever think about suicide again. You're too good for that, and NO ONE here or especially anyone that cares about you wants to see you go out like that, bro.

I don't know what religion you believe in or if any, but you're here for a reason, and this is definitely a start to fulfilling it man. If you would have chosen suicide, we as a community, as well as everyone around you would never be able to see this transformation you're doing to yourself, and the possibilities of a better life that lie ahead of you doing so. You're still growing up, so I'm sure it'll get easier from here, trust me.

 

nice guide! this will definitely change every troll into a good human being! wow mate!

 

Hey man. I know you from the donators forum, but I've only really met you in the past couple of days. I know some kids in the same boat as you, and to be honest, you seem to be handling it pretty well. That type of situation can be really rough. One of my friends had the same thing happen to him, where he was accused of rape, even though they continued dating and whatnot. The charges were dropped, but he handed it poorly, and he was kicked out of his house and he is living at a friend of mine's until he gets his own place.

My advice to you, is to get a job if you don't have one. Don't avoid your house, but have your time out of the house. I don't know if it is good advice, but if I were you, that is what I would do.

 

I have a job, and I'm at home less than a few hours a day now.

 

I didn't read all the replies as I don't have much time right now, but might I suggest that maybe going online to vent your anger might be a good thing?

It might be something that actually helps your in real life situation, that you vent your anger online instead of in real life. I would suggest possibly taking said anger out elsewhere though, in order to keep the community peace and avoid a ban. I'd probably recommend an anonymous messaging board.

P.S Not everyone who lurks the SF is an idiot and/or a troll, believe me

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.