Living on your own

Hey Sythe Community,


So I've run into a little bit of a problem. I've been living with my dad the past, er, 3 or 4 years, and we don't see eye to eye at all. Growing up he was a hardass (as most dads are), but he often fought with my mom and sometimes got physical (not enough to say he was abusing her, but enough to say he'd throw shit at her such as vases, etc.), and I grew up with that. He has a conscious and knows what he did was wrong afterwards, and he sought therapy trying to fix this, but he continues to be a violent person with regret on his shoulders afterwards.

He has a lot going on in his life too, being a single father at 38 with 3 children and a girlfriend that has just as bad financial luck as he does, living with him you can see the toll money takes on him.


However, he handles situations poorly. I know I do a lot of dumb stuff that I could easily avoid getting into and avoid being punished, but it's beyond punishment. For him, he takes offense to everything I do, thinking that the logical thing to do to "keep me down" (as if this is a cock measuring contest) is to just hit me with the hardest punishment possible, assume I'm automatically at fault, and tell me "If you don't like my rules, don't live here."


This has been going on for the length of me living with him, but it's now gone too far. I've been 18 for 2 months and am considering moving in with my girlfriend and her family.

Here's my pros and cons:

1. I'll be living outside of my house, finally getting the freedom I long for and away from my dad.
2. I think that if I don't move out there's a 99% chance of me getting into a fist fight with my dad, and I think me moving out would do less harm to our relationship than getting into an altercation with him.
3. I'm graduating high school in a little over 4 months (June 22nd).
4. I'm going into the Navy after I graduate, and becoming a CTN (Cryptology Networks Technician).
5. My girlfriend's family and I get along very well, and they have an apartment downstairs I am consider living in.
6. My friend works for a girl's dad in my school that I am friends with also, doing construction, and can get me a job during weekends and days off school.
7. The money I get from the construction job will be going towards my girlfriend's mom for letting me stay there, she's not asking for anything but I'm kind of shy and honestly living under another persons roof and living off them for a few months seems wrong, so I think the money should be a good compensation, even if she's not asking for it.



Does this seem wrong? I know it might seem dramatic to just move out because me and my dad argue a lot, but it's not even that. I just can't stand him, and I have no respect for him. I love him but I just can't live with him anymore, I'm 18, looking towards my future, and he thinks I don't even have a future. I don't need a person in my life that's just going to put me down constantly and give me problems, I'm better off without him, I think. He's just a bully, and I really don't want to get into it with him - I go to school at 5 in the morning, get off school at 2, go to wrestling practice from 2 to 6, then get home at 730 to eat dinner, take a shower, and then do my homework consisting of pre-calculus, physics, criminal justice, college transition essays, college law I, college accounting I, and economics homework. My day starts at 5 and usually ends around 11, and every chance he gets he adds his 2 cents into my life just making it that much more difficult. Fuck him.



Anyways, what's your guys opinions? There's a lot more info. I could put into this.. but I really don't think it's necessary, and I don't want to share any of it.

 

You're 18 and a adult, you can do what you like. Its up to you, no good letting people on a forum decide for you. Do what is best for you, if it was me I'd move in with my girlfriend.

 

It doesn't sound like any negatives will come of the situation besides the fact there may be hostility between you and your dad, but I think time and space may do you both good. You could always move in with your girlfriend for a couple of months and talk with your dad about the situation in the mean time. Then maybe you'd be able to return home should you need to. Yeah, I agree some sort of payment would be nice if they're letting you live there.. just so there's no chance of tension between you and them.. they might not want to ask you so they don't put you off right away.

 

Maybe your just sick of the sight of each other, sometimes it's best to just take a break from someone and when you see them again you'll be fine. Hope you work it out dude, regards.

 

It's honestly not that hard to live on your own at least I would think. Rent a cheap apartment or find a room-mate to split costs with and go get a job, and start an online shop to make spare cash in your off-time.

If you don't have enough money to afford a car just buy a bike until you can. If you don't have enough money for a bike just walk or take the bus. You can live off of about $4 of food a day if you're low on cash. But honestly, the hardest thing I'd think you'll have to deal with is if you get a shitty landlord or a shitty boss.

 

HEy man you only have 1 dad in this life build a relationship with him even though hes done wrong put yourself in his shoes if you made bad choices you would want your sons forgivness or before you go atleast tell him that you forgive him for everything that he has done

 

Recently, things got so bad between me and my family that I moved out for a couple of months so that we could have time off.

During that time, we all thought about our actions, why somebody acted in a particular way and when I got back, things were cool, we grew an understanding for each other.

Judging by experience, I don't think that it's a bad idea

 

your life, but i honestly do feel as if you will regret severing ties with your dad five to ten years from now

 

You're young. You need to make right with your dad and respect him. I know you'll dismiss this advice, but just try and dig it. Instead of arguing, have heart to heart conversations. Try and strengthen the relationship. It will pay off because in the end he's there for you. all that stuff. I've been there before man. Good luck and finish school.

 

Sup guys.. im currently 18 from london...
Ive lived alone since 15 in hostels...and i worked in a bar which i lived above... so ive been independant from young. it teaches you great life experiences and you can have any girls round smoke weed have parties and buy your own food which i love. since living alone i have got a much greater relationship with my mother its cooool man. ALL ma ppl Who independant Throw ur hands up at meeeeh