little help lyrically

[deadzone]

Alright well my cousins friend is doing a battle of the bands thing and needs help with some lyrics and wanted me to write him some lyrics for a song the song had to be pretty easy to do beings they're all quite new to there instruments and he wanted it to be a sad love song.

Anyways I decided to use the solo part of smells like teen spirit by nirvana time is 2:52-3:24 just repeat after verse and chorus any edits will be much appreciated having a real hard time w\ this one for some reason.

When I was young, I felt alive
the world always had a surprise
But I grew up, and realized
life is sad and full of lies

I hate the way you make me feel
wounded broken my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
my hope is gone the pain is real

I had my love, I held her tight
I kissed her lips every night
But like all things, it slipped away
and like my joy, our love will fade

I hate the way you make me feel
wounded, broken, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
my hope is gone the pain is real

so now it comes to what I know
that love is fake it rips a hole
it doesn't stop consumes your soul
till nothings left that is it's goal

I hate the way you make me feel
wounded, broken, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
my hope is gone the pain is real

 

[i ven0m i]

omg thats nice man i like it , its true and the ryhme is good man

 

[xtavie]

This is how I would change it:

When I was young, I felt alive
But the world always had a surprise
But I grew up, and realized
Life is sad and full of lies

I hate the way you make me feel
You wounded, broke, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
My hope is gone and the pain is real

I had my love, I held her tight
I kissed her lips every night
I hoped and prayed that it would stay that way,
But like all things, it slipped away
It changed its form from gold to gray

I hate the way you make me feel
You wounded, broke, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
My hope is gone and the pain is real

So now it comes to what I know
Your love was fake and it ripped a hole
It didn't stop till it consumed my soul
Now nothing's left, was that your goal?

I hate the way you make me feel
You wounded, broke, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
My hope is gone and the pain is real

I can't believe you would lie to me
It took all this for me to see
It's all over and my heart is free
To look for love and hit the streets

I hate the way you make me feel
You wounded, broke, my Achilles heel
I know the way you want me to feel
My hope is gone and the pain is real

 

[deadzone]

Thanks for the help etc. going to give them to my cousin.

 

[Sorry Im F2P]

im a newly recording mc i make songs up and got a fuck load pre made. sure for sum payment i cud write tracks as long as u give me a subject. can also sohw u ones ive got ready made as samples to show im not BSIn