- Joined
- Oct 3, 2007
- Sythe Gold
- 0
- Messages
- 1,670
I really like boxing and it's been my passion. now i really want to chase it, and try to become a boxer. However, there's so many things stopping me and i feel so stressed and confused.
I am already 16, so that's a late starter.
In my country it's compulsory to serve in the military for 2 years when i become 18.
My parents, of course, are all against it. Success in boxing is very RARE, and the injuries, damage...
I really am in a great confusion. Really, i wish i was never introduced to boxing. It used to gave me great fun and joy and now it is making me stressed up and my parents are all #)$# because of this.
I really don't know what to do... I'm too weak to follow this passion, this route of uncertainty. I'm in a jungle, a dense jungle, without a compass, lost with no direction. The next moment it seems like im stuck in a whirlpool that i'll never get out from.
Don't they get me! I , too, rather wish i didn't like Boxing at all and maybe liked studying or doing some 'normal' things that is 'safer' and more 'stable'.
I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THAT TOO! I WISH I CAN PLEASE YOU GUYS AND MAKE U ALL HAPPY TOO WHILE I AM HAPPY MYSELF. DO U REALLY THINK IM TRYING TO MAKE THINGS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ALL OF US!? YES I AM YOUNG AND I KNOW THE DECISIONS IM GOING TO MAKE MIGHT BE REALLY INSENSIBLE AND STUPID.
But really. what im so afraid, so scared of is when i am 30 years old, sitting behind a desk i look back and think "what if..."
i used to have Fear of rejection, i used to be so scared trying. Be it just playing soccer or some crap game which no one takes seriously, i'm afraid of trying and embarassing myself. lucky now i have almost overcame it.
But now it's coming back. I'm so afraid... Afraid of failing, afraid of regretting. I've already lost so many things because i didn't dare. I lost so many things because i didn't just want to open my fucking golden mouth.
Not this time...I really am so scared once i let this go it'll be gone forever.
Now, recently, my life daily has been very good. Hanging out with my friends and it's really enjoyable. I really thought i would forget about fucking being a boxer. But now, when the joy ends and i return home, i think back and wonder...
These happiness and joy are short-lived. They won't last through the tough times, nor will they even last forever. What will bring me eternal happiness and joy, is doing what i want to do passionately. Boxing. I wonder...
I used to have many other aspirations and 'get-rich' careers i wanted to do. Poker player, be a big boss. Of course, soon after i gave up. That's why i lost my credibility. And now i'm so afraid to lose more crediblity again.
I feel so differently from Boxing. I feel i've matured much more. Yet, i wonder if i truly have matured. Everyone is telling me i'm doing it wrong and my thoughts are too immature.
I really wonder... From what i see myself, i do agree with them that the idea of boxing is really risky, and chances are, 15 years time, i'll be just another person. Even so, i feel and trust myself that i will be willing to take the risk. Yet, am i really prepared? I wonder.
I wonder why, why the society has to go through the 'system'. Why, do i have to go through this system. Why are certificates so important? Why can't i do it differently? Why can't i get support, real , genuine support. Why is pointless studying so important?
No, i'm not a kid who is doing badly at studies and just wants another 'easy' way out. I can do it. I am smarter than the average by a little, and going through the normal path, studying, becoming maybe a lawyer/enigneer/whatever fuck should be possible for me. Earning like a wage which will keep me going for the rest of my life.
But i'm really confused. Will i be happy? Yet again, am i too young to even judge myself? Am i too young to make such decisions..? I'm so confused.
I was doing well in studies, and had topped the class when i was 15 ( me and mom had a bet like $300 LOL! before it ). But after i was looking around on the internet and mindless thoughts, i started to wonder...
Wonder about my future, wonder about my happiness, wonder if studies would do me well, wonder if i should take this normal path and put away risks.
These songs really made me wonder :
- Gotta live like we're dying
- If today was your last day
Most of what i wrote are points just being said over and over again... I apologise. But that's what is going through my mind, repeatly. I want to shut it off so badly, it's difficult. I want to cry, tears won't come out. I want to leave home, but i can't imagine the state my family would be in. My parents Love me, they do. They are great parents, really great parents. I hate, really hate to disappoint them , but i had to disappoint myself.
FUCK it, i really wish i dared to just end my fucking life. Of course, i will NEVER dare and will never do it... I look forward to life and i know what is right and wrong, and i know i have my responsiblities as a student and child too. Sometimes, though, i really wish, i weren't born. Or i wish i was an orphan. Why is it, i wonder, everything i do has to be so fucked up. Why does everything i want to do make my parents disappointed? Why am i such a problematic fuck face.. What the hell is wrong with me.
Do i pursue Boxing, or does it remain on my did-not-do list forever? I'm well known for my fickle-mindedness. I really am afraid. This is my first time i've truly considered doing something so seriously. Yet it comes with so many consequences.
I'm so lost.
I am already 16, so that's a late starter.
In my country it's compulsory to serve in the military for 2 years when i become 18.
My parents, of course, are all against it. Success in boxing is very RARE, and the injuries, damage...
I really am in a great confusion. Really, i wish i was never introduced to boxing. It used to gave me great fun and joy and now it is making me stressed up and my parents are all #)$# because of this.
I really don't know what to do... I'm too weak to follow this passion, this route of uncertainty. I'm in a jungle, a dense jungle, without a compass, lost with no direction. The next moment it seems like im stuck in a whirlpool that i'll never get out from.
Don't they get me! I , too, rather wish i didn't like Boxing at all and maybe liked studying or doing some 'normal' things that is 'safer' and more 'stable'.
I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THAT TOO! I WISH I CAN PLEASE YOU GUYS AND MAKE U ALL HAPPY TOO WHILE I AM HAPPY MYSELF. DO U REALLY THINK IM TRYING TO MAKE THINGS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT FOR ALL OF US!? YES I AM YOUNG AND I KNOW THE DECISIONS IM GOING TO MAKE MIGHT BE REALLY INSENSIBLE AND STUPID.
But really. what im so afraid, so scared of is when i am 30 years old, sitting behind a desk i look back and think "what if..."
i used to have Fear of rejection, i used to be so scared trying. Be it just playing soccer or some crap game which no one takes seriously, i'm afraid of trying and embarassing myself. lucky now i have almost overcame it.
But now it's coming back. I'm so afraid... Afraid of failing, afraid of regretting. I've already lost so many things because i didn't dare. I lost so many things because i didn't just want to open my fucking golden mouth.
Not this time...I really am so scared once i let this go it'll be gone forever.
Now, recently, my life daily has been very good. Hanging out with my friends and it's really enjoyable. I really thought i would forget about fucking being a boxer. But now, when the joy ends and i return home, i think back and wonder...
These happiness and joy are short-lived. They won't last through the tough times, nor will they even last forever. What will bring me eternal happiness and joy, is doing what i want to do passionately. Boxing. I wonder...
I used to have many other aspirations and 'get-rich' careers i wanted to do. Poker player, be a big boss. Of course, soon after i gave up. That's why i lost my credibility. And now i'm so afraid to lose more crediblity again.
I feel so differently from Boxing. I feel i've matured much more. Yet, i wonder if i truly have matured. Everyone is telling me i'm doing it wrong and my thoughts are too immature.
I really wonder... From what i see myself, i do agree with them that the idea of boxing is really risky, and chances are, 15 years time, i'll be just another person. Even so, i feel and trust myself that i will be willing to take the risk. Yet, am i really prepared? I wonder.
I wonder why, why the society has to go through the 'system'. Why, do i have to go through this system. Why are certificates so important? Why can't i do it differently? Why can't i get support, real , genuine support. Why is pointless studying so important?
No, i'm not a kid who is doing badly at studies and just wants another 'easy' way out. I can do it. I am smarter than the average by a little, and going through the normal path, studying, becoming maybe a lawyer/enigneer/whatever fuck should be possible for me. Earning like a wage which will keep me going for the rest of my life.
But i'm really confused. Will i be happy? Yet again, am i too young to even judge myself? Am i too young to make such decisions..? I'm so confused.
I was doing well in studies, and had topped the class when i was 15 ( me and mom had a bet like $300 LOL! before it ). But after i was looking around on the internet and mindless thoughts, i started to wonder...
Wonder about my future, wonder about my happiness, wonder if studies would do me well, wonder if i should take this normal path and put away risks.
These songs really made me wonder :
- Gotta live like we're dying
- If today was your last day
Most of what i wrote are points just being said over and over again... I apologise. But that's what is going through my mind, repeatly. I want to shut it off so badly, it's difficult. I want to cry, tears won't come out. I want to leave home, but i can't imagine the state my family would be in. My parents Love me, they do. They are great parents, really great parents. I hate, really hate to disappoint them , but i had to disappoint myself.
FUCK it, i really wish i dared to just end my fucking life. Of course, i will NEVER dare and will never do it... I look forward to life and i know what is right and wrong, and i know i have my responsiblities as a student and child too. Sometimes, though, i really wish, i weren't born. Or i wish i was an orphan. Why is it, i wonder, everything i do has to be so fucked up. Why does everything i want to do make my parents disappointed? Why am i such a problematic fuck face.. What the hell is wrong with me.
Do i pursue Boxing, or does it remain on my did-not-do list forever? I'm well known for my fickle-mindedness. I really am afraid. This is my first time i've truly considered doing something so seriously. Yet it comes with so many consequences. I'm so lost.
