My long drug test story

I just feel like telling my stories tonight I guess. I mentioned this one was long because it is very long and un-entertaining.



So like 2 years ago or something when I was applying for a job at tha pharmacy, They told me I needed a drug test.. So obviously I have to take it to get the job and I smoke so much weed I could quit for a month and still not pass a test. I decided I would use someone elses pisss and jock it or whatever you wanna call it..

So I call up this girl I know who is my dealers girlfriend. Her whole family knows about the pot smokin and all that nonsense so it wasn't very hardd to get the piss.
I just made a phone call. I go to pick it up and her boyfriend walks out the front door holding up a ziploc gallon freezer bag FULL of piss. wayy to much piss, but I didn't really care or want to really look at it.. I just grab the bag from him and put it in the floorboard of my car in the back seat. I drive home and shit.

It's just around the block, so when I get home, I go to get the piss out of the car only to find that the whole fucking bag spilled all over the floorboard and mats in my car. I poured a whole bottle of pinesol in the car and sucked it out with a shopvac..

I get another bag of piss, smaller and more manageable this time. I decide to put it in a condom and tie it to my sack. I couldn't find a shoelace or a string anywhere so I ended up using some leather chord that looks like a fringe from jacket., really rough shit to have around your balls for an extended period of time.. So yea I get that setup goin on and I drive to the drug testing place..

I get in and they take my info an dask if i have to piss. I drink some water to stall and I decide I've worked up enough courage to go in.. Now, I tied the condom and when she closed teh door and shit I quickly found out I can't get the piss out of it. I had intended on bringing a pin to poke it, but the pin holes were so tiny I would be in there all damn day trying to squeeze piss out of the condom.

I get nervous and think I'm taking a suspicious amount of time so I walk out and tell the lady I couldn't go. This whole time I have the condom half tied to my dick dripping someone else's piss down my leg and im hoping noone notices. I go back in and try burning it with my lighter but it didn't break so I just kept poking holes and squeezing it out. it's all over my hands and just fucking awful. I get the shit in the cup and she takes it, says its a little cold but takes it anyway. whatever I think success!

So I leave the place and I can feel the leather string and the condom half full of piss still slipping off my junk. I get in my car and drive right across the street to the gas station to go into the bathroom and hopefully clean myself up. On my way outta the car I can feel the shit just barely hanging on

I walk in teh front door to the gas station where there's 3workers an dprobably like 4 customers or whatever. Just then I feel the shit slip out from my deal and fall on to my shoe as I'm walking. I knew it was happening so I just kinda kicked it and pretended to stumble a little bit. I say "what the fucks that?" cuz people were lookin at it already. there's just a condom full of piss with like 2 feet of leather string tied around it in the middle of the floor in this gas station.

The guy sweeps it up into the dust pan thing and I go clean myself up and when I'm walkin back out of the store everyones staring at me.

tl;dr. I dropped a piss-filled condom wrapped in leather string on the floor of a gas station in front of everybody, acted like it wasn't mine, then washed all the urine off myself in the bathroom.

 

I'd kill for some bud right now.

 

What the f#$k? Ahahaha!