I just want to die..

Right now i'm a university student, and looking like im going to fail out.
I woke up this morning and my car won't turn on. Had a friend look at it (he's a good mechanic) and he said it would be a few thousand. I am broke as hell (so is my mom, my dad is dead), and I don't have any means to get to work (I work 40 mins away), and I don't have gas money to give to anyone to take me.

I've been taking every kind of depression medication for over a year now, and even tried it naturally but cannot get these thoughts of suicide out of my mind no matter what I try, everything what the doctors I see for depression says (I see 3). Last time I went to the emergency room for this, I got put in a mental ward for a few days, and am not looking forward to going back.

Just for the record, I AM NOT LOOKING FOR DONATIONS (for all you guys that are saying "Poor attempt to get money".

And the other night, I falsely slept with a girl that I came home from a party with and we had sex, she lost her virginity while being drunk, and within that I cheated on my girlfriend I have been with for 6 months, but I have a feeling that is about to end.

I just can't deal with this shit any longer. I just don't know what to do, as I lay in bed everyday wondering what will be tommorow, and how everyone dies on Earth anyway, so why can't it be soon. I don't see death as a punishment at the moment, but as a reward.

 

Sounds like you need to go to church. Seriously. You don't have to go to a service per say, but go to talk someone.
Most people you will find at church, especially those that run it, or genuinely nice and helpful people. They will help you. They aren't doctors out to make a quick buck, they aren't going to send you to some mental ward, they aren't going to make you feel bad and most of all they aren't going to judge you.
If you go to pretty much any church and tell someone at the front desk that you would like to talk to someone about your troubled life, they will find someone for you to talk to.
If you can't make it to work today, then walk to a church. Go today. What do you have to lose?
You aren't going to get a new drug prescription, but you may get a new prescription for life.

 

Personally I don't like the idea of going to church, but that might just be because I think the Church is a bunch of people who like to manipulate a lot of people by bringing fear in their life.

OT: I don't know how you feel exactly, but I can imagine how you feel. Lying in bed all day can really make you feel down. What I suggest (and this might sound a little bit weird) is going for a ride on a bike. Just take your bike, ride for a week through some nice landscapes. I just did it two weeks ago and I felt so free and refreshed after it.
You could also go for a walk, or anything else, at least if it's outside. Fresh air will clear your head.

Those are my suggestions. Please keep us updated on your feelings, I really hope I helped you, even if it was just a little bit. You are going to feel better, I know it! Ban those sad thoughts and look at the nice things in your life!

Good Luck!

 

Life gets better, just keep living and you'll be so glad you did when you have a beautiful family and people that care so much about you <3

 

Just think of all these things as something that is going on right now.

You have to think about the future and what it holds for you.

It can be easy to get caught up in worrying about money and all that other stuff, but at least you are alive.

Think about it from a different perspective, there are a lot of people that are really bad off.

I saw a lot of people recently that are in horrible situations. From the time of me meeting them and now, some of them have most likely past away. I am broke from going through the past 10 months of hospitalizations and surgeries I have had. The left side of my face, body, inside of my mouth, etc. are numb from a brain surgery.

But I am the happiest I have ever been because I got through all that.

During those 10 months, I met so many people with tumors, cancer, etc. I think of myself as lucky, because even though I do not have money from my whole ordeal, at least I am alive and unless something strange comes up, I will be able to say that in 10 years too.

Just look forward, you can overcome any obstacle thrown at you.

The hardship is temporary, death is permanent.

 

why ...

 

Before you think again about how bad your life is, think about people in third world countries. Not everyone has a roof over there head, a car, parent(s), an education.

Think about how fortunate you are.
You don't have to use a car to get to work. You could buy a used bike off of craigslist and use that to get to work, even if it does take longer. But think about the positive things. You're exercising and you aren't wasting money on gas.

About your girlfriend. You need to tell her what you did. She most likely won't forgive you and will break up, but at least you get that off your chest and have one less thing to worry about.

 

I agree to Tofuhamster, when I feel bad, and everything just looks to work bad I think about those kids who don't hawe anything at all Everything's gonna be fine, just enjoy small things

 

Your just going through a rough patch in life, you will be fine