If..

You could make one phone call to yourself in the past, at any moment, when would you call, and what would you say?

Example:

Like, if you'd been jacked getting off the train one night, all drunk as fuck...
And raped.

Then the response would be...I'd phone that bar I was at and ask for me...when I came to the phone, I'd be all like, "Look...I know you don't know me nor will you understand why I'm saying this...you just have to listen closely and do what I say...NO MATTER WHAT...when you leave the bar...and peeps ask you to share a cab...DO IT! Don't tell em you'd rather take the L...just get in the cab. Your wallet and asshole will thank you for it later!"

 

I'd call myself right after I got into a fight when I was in grade 10 and accidentally broke my girlfriend's nose and got suspended (almost expelled) and arrested idiotically. I'd say "inb4 jail".*

This cool story brought to you courtesy of Painted Rain and Justin Bieber.

*contents of this story may be exaggerated or even wholly false