Serious Advice needed. Let's get real.

I need some pretty serious advice. Here is more or less my life story, and I really hope you read it because I just want people to read it.

Growing up I was pretty normal, and had a nice upbringing. I was a straight A student in an elementary school filled with people who would most likely not pursue post-secondary education. Then when I was in grade 6, I moved across town and had to change schools the following year. These 2 years were some of the best years of my life. I've always kept a close circle of friends because that's the way I like it and also because I am not really a social person IRL.

Anyways, after 8th grade you move onto High School. I was in a split class with 7/8's and it was a new school. I didn't make a lot of friends at first but eventually I did and it was fantastic. Had some of the funnest times of my life, my first kiss and made some really good friends. My grades slipped pretty bad because I never had to face a real challenge at my old school. I played basketball, and was pretty active outside of school. The downside was that my dad was a computer guy, and so I was literally born into the tech world. If I wasn't out with friends I was online. I was addicted, but still kept a relatively social life.

My friends were all a year older than I was, so the following school year I didn't really see them much at all. I was now a senior at my elementary school and was stuck hanging out with my 'secondary-level' friends. My friends that were outside of the main group of friends last year. It was still great and I have no complaints, eventually they became my really good friends even throughout high school. We did a lot of stuff outside of school still, but I quit basketball and stopped being active really outside of school athletics. I gained a few extra pounds and that was cool, because I didn't really care.

At the end of the year, my grades were still terrible and I was about to head into high school. I don't generally get nervous about anything but this was really a step forward in my life(or what it seemed). Over the summer I binged on games and social events. I hung out with friends and smoked cigs and got high all day and gamed all night. I slept for 3-4 hours and repeated. I also learned to live my life so efficiently that everything was down to a science. Everything was optimal in my life. I had fun online, had fun with my friends and slept out of necessity.

Through high school, I kept 3 dear friends that I always stood by and they always stood by me. These were the 3 people I would hang out with and the three people I would go to if I needed help. The rest of the people I hung out with were nothing more than 'school friends'. My grades were decent at best, and my weight/athletic performance fluctuated year-by-year. By the end of my senior high school year something happened. I had to go back to school for 1 class next year to get my last credit, so I didn't graduate with my friends.

I don't exactly know what happened or why it happened, but one of my 3 closest friends just abandoned me over the summer of that year. In retrospect you could see the distance between the two of us, but I just never clued in. I still don't know why we haven't talked but we really haven't. It's just an awkwardness when we pass eachother on our way to work now. So now I only really have 2 real friends outside of school.

At the end of that summer, I went back to school for about an hour everyday and attended a gym class to earn my last credit. It was really easy and there was never any complaints on my end. I could go home at 9:30am after class and just do whatever the fcuk I wanted to. One of my friends went off far away to college and I really doubt ever seeing him again. So I was down to only 1 real friend.

I got a job in 10th grade, but much like school, nobody really wanted to be my friend. I had 'work friends'. Outside of my one class in the early morning I had the whole day off. Which meant besides work, I had the whole day off. I would hang out with my friend for most of the day when he wasn't working and just chill out online at night.

Eventually all of this became somewhat boring to me, because for the past 6 years all I would ever do was go to my friends house get high, and talk. The semester was over, and I had all the available credits to graduate. I was done school. I now could sleep in all day if I wanted to. I had, and still have no responsibility outside of work.

Like I said above, my friend became pretty boring and I started to lead a really lazy and relaxed life. I started to ignore texts from my friend to hang out because I knew that it would always be the boring shit that we always do. So I would sit at home and just read news, article and forums to get information about the world around me etc. I shut myself off from the physical outside world. If I didn't have work, I wouldn't do anything except piss and eat outside of my room where my PC was.

I am at the point now where I have a week off from work, and I haven't talked to my friend for about a month. It's not that I am addicted to being online and all of that, but I am addicted to the ease of access that being online brings. If I need information, I don't need a book, I don't need to ask a friend for help I just ask the people online because they will answer in a second. I rely on the web to feed my need for information which seems too slow to obtain in the real world.

Admittedly, nowadays I am lonely. I haven't had a girlfriend, I haven't even kissed a girl in 6 years. I'm 19 and have no real world hobbies. I gave up everything I once had for THIS. The web, and knowledge. But all of this knowledge that I've learned about online over the past 10 years hasn't made me any wiser socially. It hasn't made me any more academically inclined to learn because I already knew what the teachers were going to teach before they open their mouths. I'm not outgoing, fascinating and I don't have many stories to tell. I haven't lived my life for 6 years, I've just lived through others and various characters online.

I'm everything I'm not. I've learned to lie and be deceptive to create an image of me that I think other people would like. In real life I do this as well, I guess just out of boredom and to see if I could do it. I've never been real to myself or told anyone who I actually am online. This is my life story and that truly is who I am. I know a lot of you don't even know me, but to the some that did...I'm a fake. An internet made intellectual and social engineering genius.

Now back to my friend, I really am truly confused. I want to hang out, I just needed to take a break for a while. I haven't answered texts from him for a long while, he probably thinks i'm dead or just flatout ignoring him(which I have been). A good moral person would say to just text him and tell him the truth. If I did, I'm positive that it would be the end of our friendship. I have been a shitty friend and I totally deserve it. But then I would be completely alone. I could lie and say I didn't have a phone for a month...? I'm a shit friend.

I'm going to college in september, and I really plan to change myself by then. I just really need some inspiration and ideas and suggestions. To better myself. Not only with my friend, but with life in general. I have never been to a psychologist, but I really truly think I have some disorder. I'm not crazy, or mentally unstable just have a different way of thinking. If you have seen Limitless, I'm kind of like that guy without the pill. Bipolar, schizo, aspergers...definitely something.

Anyways, I just told you guys something that I have been meaning to write up and let out for quite some time.

 

First off I want to say, congratulations. You have realized the predicament you are in, that in itself is half the battle. You see the need for something greater than what the internet has to offer.
Secondly I want to say that we are human, and thus prone to fuck up. Everybody does. And if your friend is truly your friend he will understand and will still be your friend. If he rejects you, then you have closure and you won't be wondering for the rest of your life if you could still have connected with him again.

Take a risk, text/call him. What's the worst that can happen? If he says no, at least you tried. It's all in him now if he wants to rekindle the friendship.

Are you able to become friends with people at work? Do something different and invite them out to go bowling, eat lunch together, etc
You would be surprised at how many people do the exact same thing every day and never mix things up. Because like you said,, its so easy.

Having friends is not easy, it takes time and effort. But it is always worth it.

 

Read the whole thing. You seem like an intellectual person, take a break from runescape and the Internet. It is a sacrifice you must make, but in the future you will appreciate your current efforts. You must maintain your dedication in getting your life back together and focus on real life. In 10 years no one will give a shit about your "Internet" prowess. All you would have to show for your years of internet use is a beer belly and no girlfriend. I am inspired by this initiative you have taken, I hope I can learn from your example.

Good luck on your journey. Start real life and leave the past behind.

(forgive me for shit grammar i'm posting drom iPhone at school lol)

 

Sorry for assuming you play runescape :-(