How can I get back in my brothers good books?

Sorry, just to clarify, I actually have 3 younger brothers. The next eldest under me is the brother I am having the problem with, and the middle brother is the one who bought the Numark Decks and who I've been learning to mix music with.

Thankyou for the thoughtful posts everybody, I appreciate it. Things have been slightly better the last week because I have been very conscious of just staying out of his way. I managed to completely avoid seeing him face to face for a few days in a row, and that gave us both a small cool-off period.

That still doesn't change the fact he is very angry with me for one reason or another, but there isn't much we can do right now while he refuses to sit down and talk about what is bugging him. In the mean time, the tension in the house as reduced considerably, and I don't feel like we are on the verge of a violent outburst like I did before (at least not at this moment - I am treading very carefully from this point forward).

Just a note I'd like to add - My brother has been drinking very heavily lately, but I do not consider him an alcoholic as many of you have suggested. I think he is just dealing with some sort of issue right now and he is drinking alot as his way to dealing with his problems, and the alcohol, combined with any anger & anguish he may be experiencing, is causing those hostile, confrontational outbursts that he has been exhibiting. I realize that this is a sign of alcoholism, but I just don't think he is at that place yet where he needs a drastic intervention. As a recovering addict myself though, I am keeping an eye on his drinking and I know where he keeps is booze right now.

 

If he's as angry as you say he is, best thing you can/should do is just pay him back in full with NO negotiation.
Meaning, just get the cash, put it on his desk and walk away. It seems a little snobby to do so, but it shows that you still remember your debt and that you don't wish to make a big deal out of it.
Doing so can be implied as a "hey bro, here's your dosh back. cheers for your help".
If he's still angry, then let it be. Don't try to make small talk, that just makes things worse.
Time heals everything.

 

like you said, your'e trying to quit smoking. Thats good, if you smoke a pack every day, for 5 years, you spent literally thousands of dollard on cigarettes alone... THOUSANDS. Keep up the work on quitting. itll really help

 

Look man, i might sound harsh or something, im in no way trying to take your case or fight with u or argue or anything.. consider it being nice but with some harsh words( no offence intended AT all. )
what i could make out of all of this is, you have been very bad to him, and you want to make it up to him somehow, so that you and your family can be safe, and happy once again. and more importantly you actually start bonding with your brother.
A possible reason for his behaviour could be you! Theres a major chance that he loves you alot and thats why when you guys fought years ago, he may have gotten hurt (emotionally), ( this happens alot, when someone you love immensely, hurts u in anyway, the pain gets amplified 100%) and everytime you get into any sort of communication with him, not neccessarily verbal, maybe even gestures, he starts remembering the past and gets very aggitated and just feels like showing you that hes not a kid anymore, and that you cannot dominate him anymore.
This just keeps increasing the differences between you and him.
Id say, First thing you should do is, **** nonsense like spending money on games etc, and start by returning him is money. Save up atleast $100, then return that, if $600 isnt possible fast. That way, he would atleast get the feeling that you're sorry, and are slowly realising your mistakes. Trust me, Once you give him what you took from him, AND MORE. he certainly will also try and bond with you. Also, You should talk to your mom about this, and tell her that you've been a screw up for so many years, and would like to make it up to everybody now, its high time. Mothers, will ALWAYS buy that. Though, i hope that you dont just sell shit to her, and actually mean what you say. Maybe then you can ask her to take you both for an outing or something, i mean... worse that could happen is that you wont talk to each other, but if you are able to talk , and if there are funny,happy moments, that would only increase the bond. Also, If your bro has been drinking, and your mum doesnt know, and hes been hiding the booze in your room or so, you should go tell your mom it may be his drinking issues or something. Honesty is what is rewarding, if you hide it, you may be doing him good at that time but if you let it out, you decrease your own burden, and he certainly wont have the guts to bring in alcohol in home, and hiding it with u especially, increasing his risk of getting caught with alcohol by your mom, unless he gets the permission that is. This would certainly decrease his alcohol intake, as long as hes at home. and might actually get him back on track..


Sorry i wrote this half n half in 2 different intervals of time, had gone somewhere in b/w, might have stopped making much sense in the latter part. hope i could help you in any way. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the response Slash. Some good stuff in there

I would like this thread to be locked now though, I feel I have recieved adequate advice in relation to the topic I posted, and I have alot of things to think about & put into action now.

Thanks again to everybody who posted with their thoughts & advice. It means alot!

 

locked.

 

Locked.