Tell me What you think about this

Here's a paper I wrote for English it's a narrative a bit embarrassed to show it to any of my friends at school. (It's Nerdy) I'm a Sophomore in high school so the level of writing may be lacking of what you feel worthy.

Oh and if you're technical, don't criticize on how I wrote it because I'm more trying to get the simple minded English teacher to understand the complexity of what happened

Welcome to the Internet
The afternoon started the way it always did; get home, sling down my backpack off my shoulder, go straight to the kitchen, grab a handful of Cheez-Its, and jump on the couch. Yet this wasn't just a normal Wednesday afternoon, no, this was the day that I was going to buy the parts to assemble my own computer. The hundreds of videos I had watched of people putting their monstrous machines together, the memorization of the exact parts I wanted to build my own dream computer with, I believed I was ready to spend my Christmas money and the other few hundred dollars I managed to scrape up. With a mixture of anxiety, excitement, and my huge ego, it never occurred to me all of this was going to go terribly wrong. There I was at tiger direct watching my computer parts being scanned across the counter, while my eyes were glued to the 'Total Price' hoping it wouldn't go over my budget of a thousand dollars. I saw it hit nine hundred, when my heart sank; she still hadn't scanned one of the most expensive items, the case. They say nothing is faster than the speed of light, but my heart was beating twice as fast as the numbers one thousand two hundred appeared. I could have fallen to my knees and cried and given up right then. After liquidating most of my personal assets, all my spending money, and my Christmas money it still hadn't been enough. I forced a smile, ripped the long receipt from the over-happy tiger direct employee's hand and rolled the shopping out of the door. The January winds at 9 o'clock bit my skin and hurt as much as being off with my math, well almost. I may had lost the battle, but I hadn't lost the war. On the ride home I began gaining confidence again about building my computer. I had decided to wait until the weekend to began building the computer so I would have enough time. Friday night finally rounded around and I immediately ran down the stairs two at a time to begin building my computer. Even though I was anxious, I still took the time to carefully remove the boxes from the parts to not damage the packaging. I sorted the parts for what parts would be connected together; the memory, graphics card, CPU, CPU fan, and thermal glue all went with the motherboard. I removed the door of the case to see the empty insides within. I grounded myself so I wouldn't fry the motherboard or any other part and carefully screwed the motherboard into the case. I wiped the sweat off my forehead, and continued with the next operation; put in the CPU. I picked it up by the sides not to touch its underside with all of the precious components, which would power my computer. I unlocked the CPU landing pad and slowly put it in, then locked the pad back. Next was the tricky part, not to put too much or too little thermal glue to glue the fan on top of the CPU I twisted the thermal glue tube open, and squeezed some glue on to the CPU. At first glance it looked like the right amount, but then I looked again and realized I had put way too much on it. I wasn't mad about it, I knew just to use a toothpick to wipe off some glue. I wiped the glue off to the perfect amount, but I had gotten some on my hands. This was frustrating especially since you have to scrub it off. Cracking my fingers, I had to be especially careful about this next step; I had to firmly put the CPU's fan on top of the CPU without damaging any parts. I picked up the jet-black fan from the table and dropped it on the glue, paused to look up as if to pray, then looked back down and pushed. The definition of push is 'to exert force on someone or something'. Well I happened to exert just a tad too much force upon my one hundred fifty dollar CPU. These might have been the longest seconds of my life as I watched the fan and the CPU, which were locked into the pad, fly from the pad, hit against the side of the case and separate from each other. I sat there in a mixture of disbelief and shock, and decided it was time to survey the damage. First I went straight to the processor (CPU) and looked at it. The top was fine, and then I flipped it over to see six or seven of the prongs bent. Okay, this isn't good, but it could be worse, I still can bend them back. Then that worse happened. I picked it up and one of the thousands of prongs fell from the bottom. Impossible to fix, I would've needed a magician. At that point, I didn't even know what to do. I put the processor down and looked at the fan. Of course the five-dollar stock fan was still undamaged without a scratch on it. Feeling defeated I decided to go ahead and hook up the disk drive and hard drive, and wire everything together. As I finished this I realized I was about to have journey much deeper into debt to purchase a fresh processor. The walk of shame back into tiger direct was the worst feeling yet. I had already memorized the exact casing the processor was in and asked a tiger direct employee whom I hadn't seen a few nights ago to unlock the security case to give me a new processor. Unfortunately the same over-happy checkout woman was still there. Fortunately she didn't recognize me. With another charge on the credit card came another deep level of debt. This time when she placed the processor into my hands I was even more careful and held it like a baby, I opened the car door and got in slowly. Then, before I left, I looked out the window and hoped I would never see tiger direct again. When I got home, I set the CPU, still in its packaging, on the table where my computer lay, completed, but without a processor. I was scared of the CPU now and decided to again wait on it until I felt courageous enough to try it again. It wasn't until about a week later when I was just down right tired of the processor looking at me in the eye and decided I was ready to conquer it. This time I didn't spare the package; I ripped it apart just to show it I was the boss. I finally undid the plastic around it, picked up the CPU by its corner, gently placed it inside the landing pad, and locked it in place. So far so good I thought to myself. I opened a fresh batch of thermal glue, I proceeded to gently spread it across the top of the processor with a toothpick. It looked perfect: if I had done everything right, then it was the moment of truth. I picked up the undamaged CPU-fan and placed it on top of the processor. I placed a little bit of 'force' onto it and it worked! The processor was a perfect fit, the glue was spread equally at its exact ratio, and the fan was placed directly on top of the glue and the CPU. My performance this time was ace and I was sure feeling it. I waited a few more seconds to let the glue dry and then I screwed the side of the case back into its place. I was so anxious my hands were shaking as I was connecting the VGA cable to the back of my flat screen monitor. Next I plugged in the power sources from both the monitor and the case's power source into the surge protector power strip. It was almost time I thought, finally I plugged in the keyboard and mouse USBs into the back of the case. It was the moment of truth. I could hear the song 'The Final Countdown' in the background as I pushed the power button on my oversized cooling case. Half a second later the roar of my machine powering on drowned out ‘The Final Countdown' out and I saw the beautiful red and blue LED lights come on. I felt so amazed and relieved that everything had finally worked out. Now I was ready for my machine to take me through the real journey of the Internet.

Apologize for the spacing.

 

The hundreds of videos I had watched of people putting their monstrous machines together, the memorization of the exact parts I wanted to build my own dream computer with, I believed I was ready to spend my Christmas money and the other few hundred dollars I managed to scrape up.


that sentence is the first thing I noticed that didn't make sense.

And putting in a processor isn't really as intense as you make it sound. =\

good essay though, You write like I write my school papers.