My girlfriends "friend"

(Apologies in advance for the long amount of text, I just wrote what was in my head)

So.. My girlfriend has her "best friend" that she hangs around with a lot, for now we will call her Kaylie. But there is a real problem.

Kaylie is a bitch, I'm not just saying that because I don't like her, it's because she is such a massive bitch.
She treats my girlfriend like utter shit, she doesn't care about my girlfriends feelings what so ever, she's the rudest person I've ever met, she doesn't have any respect for others, she constantly nags and argues, she gets involved in my relationship with my girlfriend and she's a control freak. Now once again I'm not making these things up because I don't like her, it's these reasons that make me not like her, as well as a lot more.. Even my girlfriends family doesn't like Kaylie, none of my friends like Kaylie and even Kaylies past friends have broken away from her as they have realised how much of a bitch she is.

She has made my girlfriend cry A LOT, which hurts me a lot to see my girlfriend so sad. I am not the type of person to let someone walk all over me like Kaylie walks over my girlfriend. If it were me, I would have said "listen you selfish little bitch, back the fuck up and go away because you're an evil, fat, little, bitch." but my girlfriend is just way too nice, she sees the bright side of everybody and she just let's people walk all over her, especially Kaylie.

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship since February now and I love her to bits. But it's out of order for me to say who she can and can't be friends with. But seeing her so upset like this all the time is fucking killing me. I want to intervene and I've gone to before, but my girlfriend will stop me as she doesn't want me to hurt Kaylies feelings.. She's just too nice!

I tried my hardest to like Kaylie, I honestly fucking have... She has come to house before and I've let her in for the shear fact my girlfriend is "friends" with her. Then she has the cheek to bring some random smack head I've never met before to my house, who's bleeding from the face from fighting and she expects me to invite him into my house?
There was a time before that when she argued at my parents house when they were asleep and she didn't give a shit how loud she was being.

She has rang my girlfriend (more than once) at 4AM in the morning asking my girlfriend to come and pick her up from somewhere (bare in mind she knows my girlfriend has work in the morning) rather than just getting a taxi or ringing anyone else in the fucking world that doesn't have to get up in the morning.

She has left my girlfriend for another of her friends before.. She made plans with my girlfriend and then just fucked her off for some other girl because she was obviously doing something more fun or something.

There was a time when my girlfriend felt sick and Kaylie was nagging her to come out, my girlfriend said no several times to her but she kept asking her and calling her boring and various other names to make my girlfriend feel bad about not going.. (my girlfriend genuinely was ill)

There has been other stories to tell about her.. Fucking hundreds of them!

But the one thing that has pushed me over the edge was last night.
Kaylie had the cheek to say I'm a bad boyfriend because apparently I "control" my girlfriend.. I'll give you the story now:

My friend and I were drinking in his just having a laugh together and my girlfriend and Kaylie were drinking in Kaylies parents house. Eventually my girlfriend text me asking if I would like to go to Kaylies house and drink with them, she said she didn't mind if we didn't come. So obviously I would like to see my girlfriend, so my friend and I agreed to go.
As we got there it was ok.. we had one drink and then Kaylie started arguing with my friend over some utter bullshit. The night went on and they continued arguing so my girlfriend and I went upstairs and left them for a little bit, we went back down and still arguing... (I felt sorry for my friend because he was like WTF?) Eventually Kaylies parents arrived at her house after being out for the night, at around 2AM. This is when my friend and I agreed to leave as my girlfriend had work in the morning so we wanted to let her get some sleep. Then Kaylie had a go at me saying my girlfriend is forcing me to leave and I shouldn't leave if I don't want to.. I said numerous times I want to leave and my girlfriend hasn't said a thing. So then Kaylie goes to my girlfriend (who is upstairs) and then my girlfriend comes down looking upset and asks us to go upstairs and stay a while longer. I said I wanted to go but I stayed just to keep the peace.. Then I was sitting with my girlfriend talking to her and my girlfriend is nearly in tears saying she just wants to go to sleep because she has work in the morning. But my girlfriend was asking me to stay a little bit longer while Kaylie and my friend had a chat (Kaylie moaning at him) we heard ever word of their "chat" and Kaylie loves my friend.. He has no feelings for her what so ever. She was saying "I know you love me" to him all other mad stupid shit and he couldn't very well "listen you bitch, I don't love you, fuck off" As Kaylies parents where just down stairs in earshot. He was being respectful in her house and just said he thinks of her as a friend. (he doesn't even like her as a friend anymore, he's just being nice) Then I felt sick and decided to leave, my friend quickly followed to get out of there. Then Kaylie followed us both calling us various names and saying we are selfish for leaving.. I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't say anything bad to Kaylie so I didn't. I said "listen Kaylie, I feel sick and I'm leaving your house to go home, that's it" She then started calling my friend selfish for leaving with me.. He obviously wanted to get out of there but he's not going to leave his friend to walk home at half 2 in the morning down a long unlit ally after I had been drinking (I wasn't drunk anyway).

I eventually got home and text my girlfriend when I got in to say I was home safe etc.. and I got no reply so I assumed she was asleep.
My girlfriend rang me this morning crying her eyes out saying Kaylie had kept her up until 5AM in the morning saying very nasty things to her.
My girlfriend said that Kaylie said I was a controlling boyfriend because I left her house (my girlfriend wanted me to leave to) and that I control everything my girlfriend does. So my girlfriend said "how does he control me? He felt sick and he went home" to which Kaylie replied "I'd control my boyfriend, my boyfriend would do anything I wanted to do." My girlfriend then said "That's why you haven't got a boyfriend". Kaylie thinks because my girlfriend doesn't control me that I must control her or something.. That's not how a relationship works. You compromise with each so that you are both happy... Kaylie then continued to bad mouth my girlfriend keeping her awake for a further 3 hours abusing her.


Now.. I was supposed to be seeing my girlfriend today but (from her ringing me above) she said she wanted to just have a night in with her mother. She was very upset and her mother comforts her very well. She was crying so much about Kaylie that I can't fucking take it anymore...
I hate Kaylie, my girlfriend family hate Kaylie, my friends hate Kaylie, Kaylies friends have left her.. But my girlfriend just wont see how bad she is for her!

A friend doesn't do anything like that.. Believe it or not, that isn't even half of the shit she has done to my girlfriend.
It's not my place to pick her friends. All I have said to my girlfriend is "you choose who your friends are, but you need to realise that it's not a coincidence that she makes you cry all the time and all of your family and friends and your boyfriend don't like her."

I honestly don't know what to do.. My girlfriend is just too nice to break friends with her. It tears me apart to see my girlfriend get used like this and my girlfriend thinks it's perfectly normal for a "friend" to act like that.
What the fuck do I do?

 

I gave the whole thing a read, I felt the need to say this becasue my response will be quite short, but to me, based on my experiences, there is only one route out of this.

I doubt your girlfriend will be influenced, by anyone, to the point that she breaks the "friendship" with this other girl. It's one of these situations where someone [your gf] will realise, over time, what is really going on. at this point, she will then probably break off the "friendship".

it's one of these life lesson situations in my opinion, the individual can only help themselves, it will happen eventually, but you can't put a timeline of self realisation, especially when it comes to friends and relationships.

 

Yeah but it hurts me to see my girlfriend just get walked all over. It's hurting her even more and I just want.. I just need her to realise or she's going to be upset all the time.

 

It sounds like the problems between the two of them are intensifying, I wouldn't be surprised if in the next couple of weeks she WILL realise that she is better off without her in her life.

 

Reminds me of the movie "Bully". If you can't convince your girlfriend and friends to stop hanging around with her then there isn't much you can do other than talk to her yourself. Seeing as she is a bad influence, I would tell your girlfriend to stop making plans with her and eventually they will break off. Shes one fucked up individual to be acting like that. Your girlfriend needs more self-esteem, because if she's being treated like this and still goes back to Kaylie like nothing happened, something is wrong.

 

why don't you just show her your post (this thread, not yo wang(you could probably show her that too later )? she'll see your true feelings on this whack as fuck friendship of hers, and maybe it'll open her eyes a little on how kaylee isn't just hurting her, it's hurting you too.

honestly this advice aint bad. ive noticed that it seems like 90% of girls friendships seem to be that they meet some chick, declare each other bestfriends, then somewhere like six months down the road one does something super shitty to the other and then they completely stop being friends, and then they just kind of rotate to a different friend. it's weird as fuck. basically what im gettin at is eventually either ya girl will finally have enough of her bullshit or kaylee will just randomly stop talking to your girlfriend and that chapter of friendship will end. problem solved.

 

One thing I would suggest is to talk to your girlfriend's parents. Since they don't like her Kaylie either, and her mother comforts her well, I'm sure her mother could convince her that Kaylie is a bad influence.

Also, like Subaru said; this could be one of those problems that you just have to wait out. Sometimes you just don't want to intervene in these problems, or else it could cause your relationship to have problems.

Do not show her this thread as loyal to da game suggested. This could make your girlfriend angry that you're asking for relationship advise on a website. Also, your girlfriend most likely won't be fond of the idea of you sharing your relationship details on here.

 

okay maybe don't show her the THREAD but write that shit out for her. yall are acting like making communication and telling youre better half your true feelings on things that bother you is a sin. confrontation is always a bad thing..............

 

I'm with my girlfriend and her parents now. Even her parents said get rid of Kaylie.. They don't like her either and we have all just spoke to my girlfriend telling her. But she just doesn't listen.

I think I will show her this thread. But to be honest I've already told her all of this.

 

Maybe seeing a list of some of the things Kaylie does to her will help your girlfriend realize that she needs to be the next in a long line of Kaylie's "ex-friends." People like Kaylie need to change to make real friends, and she obviously hasn't managed that with all of the abuse she's giving your girlfriend.

I think you should work to point out the terrible things Kaylie does to your girlfriend when they happen. Over time, hopefully your girlfriend will realize how bad the situation really is.

 

that evil bitch sounds like the types of girls you see on jeremy kyle show.

DON'T wait it out. I don't mean to sound rude (because I'm not) but you need to knock some sense into your girlfriend. She deserves better friends then that and honestly mate that bitch will ruin your girlfriend seeing as the type of nice person she is.

Bad influence has so many effects on people and more so with people who are sensitive. I have a bad feeling she will take advantage of your gf's personality, get her drunk or something and bad things could happen. If I was you, I would do ANYTHING to get her away from that bitch. Something similar has happened to me so yeah.

 

Should hire someone to slap that bitch silly.

 

Way to contribute.

OT:
Alright, i was in a VERY similar situation about a year ago. Please don't let it ride out, because if you do, you are essentially giving the kylie girl more time to try to tear you guys apart. Despite what she has said, its pretty damn clear she is enormously jealous of your girlfriend and her relationship with you, as well as her friends.

They only thing i found that fixed this was to literally fill up all your time with your girlfriend that you possibly can. This keeps her away from kylie. Sit down and explain how hard it is to maintain your relationship with such a bitch being a pain in the ass constantly. You HAVE to bring it to light how friends don't treat you like this. Ask her to take steps towards cutting her connections with kylie, such as deleting her phone number!

Also, is your girlfriend in school with this other girl? Or do they just hang out.

Hope this helps at least a little bit.

Cheers,
Smoke

 

I would normally give you a warning for spamming for a post like that.. But it made me laugh and I'll be showing my girlfriend the responses and hopefully that makes her laugh too.

Yeah I will try to fill up time with her, but there are days that I'm at work and she isn't, which is mainly when she visits Kaylie.

No she's not at school or anything. She's 22, so you'd think she'd realise.

 

HNC's idea is really good. Same with Loyal's.

Another thing you could do is making one last ditch effort in trying to convince her to see the situation for what it is is to itemize all the times they've hung out recently and sort it into good/bad. It sounds like the bad will really outweigh the good (sounds like there won't be any good to be honest). Also make sure to ask her why she is still friends with this kaylee person. Querying instead of telling is often a lot more powerful and she might not have an answer for you which should help her realize.

All the best shoop with however you plan to proceed

 

Shoop,
I think you should have a deep talk with your girlfriend and let her know that what her friend is doing is wrong and offends you. She should respect your feelings and do something about it. Best of luck buddy

 

I've literally just spoken to her.
She's going around to Kaylies house on Wednesday... I tried to stop her and I've tried to explain to her she's not a friend. She was crying her eyes out to me, but she still thinks Kaylie is a friend to her. Her family and I can't get it in her head. I honestly think Kaylie will destroy her life and there's nothing I can do because she keeps going back to her.

 

Give her some reflection time.

It's not nice seeing someone upset, and she probably feels worse because both yourself and her family have different views to her about the girl. Give her some time, she will get their in her own time

 

I know it sucks mate but you can't give up. Especially if you really feel deeply for this girl. The worst thing you can do is LET her life get destroyed right infront of your eyes without continuing to try to help. It isn't until there is no hope left that you can walk away without feeling it was your fault. Also, try to introduce/encourage her to go see/meet new friends!
Cheers,
Smoke