Getting in another depression..

Well hope I dont sound like a total dramaboy but well..
I am starting to get in another depression..
I'm only 19 but been through alot
Abused by my dad when I was a child
Parents divorced
Had several suicidal attempts
My lil sister saw me hanging..
My lil sister died 18 days ago due cancer
Girlfriend cheated on me
Financial hard asf time
and more..

It just seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel
I quite often act weird sometimes childish but it's because it's my wall I put around me so people don't see the real me, the me who suffers alot of pain..

I tried to get help but it did not work out..
Especially after my lil sis died i've been struggling to keep fighting against the depression and suicidal thoughts
something in me just wants to be dead so badly, no more crying no more fear no more pain..

People can say commiting suicide is selfish or not the solution, I partial agree but i'm mentally so exhausted like my body already gave up..

I legit do not know what to do anymore, I am desperate and even scared.. scared of the moment my depression takes over and commit suicide.

anyone got tips or whatever?
thanks for reading

 

If you're truly this scared about what you've said, maybe you should go check into a hospital for a little bit.. They will help you.

 

bro, go get some help. pm me if you want to talk about it

 

There are so many great programs to help you, you just need to ask for the help first. Is there anyone you trust to confide in? Maybe they can go with you to talk to someone if you're uncomfortable going alone.

 

Have you tried looking for a job? The working atmosphere can take your mind off your personal dealings as well as cover or help mitigate your financial problems, in turn relieving you of stress.

 

First of all Thank you all for the support.
Really appreciate it! ❤
Today I will look for a job and arrange some profesional help.
I am only 19 I realized, I got a whole life ahead of me.
And I'll try to make the best of it.
Again many thanks ❤

 

man sending love your way, feel free to add my skype scottyrage or just dm me on discord if you need anything

i think looking for help and getting into a routine would help you massively

 

The first step is always being able to acknowledge and say that there is something wrong and you do need help with whatever you're feeling. And posting this is a great way to go into the right direction. It might seem like nothing, but honestly sometimes you can get so lost that you don't even realise there is something wrong, it becomes a natural feeling. So I'm glad you've tried to open up and express what your feeling. I've learnt that just doing that can help so much and change a lot.

Anyways if you want to speak to someone who's been on the same page, let me know and message me. There's always a way out, and there's always a light at the end of the tunnel you just gotta open your eyes.

 

Hey dab, long time lurker here

Sorry to hear about your situation, i wish you the best. My recommendation would be to change your mindset and perception. I recently recovered from suicidal idealization and long-term depression (posted on here several times and it def helped).

The sad reality is your problems will follow you for life, you will always remember your lost loved ones. Its important FORCE a positive mental attitude. Your friends and family wouldnt want you to be sad and want you to be the best you can. Try working out (like right fucking now). Drugs are extremely questionable, weed helps for some but can hurt others. Try weed and coffee if you're looking for some motivation (stick to legal stuff generally).

Like i said in the beginning, changing your mindset and perception of reality is the next step forward. You have to understand you control your own destiny, you control your own feelings, you control your current situation (within limits). Try everyday to be happy, dont give a fuck what any1 think. Changing my attitude/perception (and stopping all drug use) has literally removed my years long depression. Good luck and above all try to stay positive. It will be very fucking hard at first but you eventually mold into it and become happier. Remember you're not alone

 

Seeing how your parents divorced and your dad is (from how you describe) a bad person it is understandable that you and your sister had a huge bond. She was probably your rock and someone you shared a lot of experiences with relating to your parents. Try to find people that you can be close with. It seems like you are lonely without your sister.